The profile I abandoned

I didn't give this introduction may days. I entered a deep depression. It revolved around my dire economic situation and my fears to become a cam girl. I decided last night I don't want to do it. I am terrified that proof of income will ruin my chances of earning the disability check I deserve. It will also shame my mother and she will kick me out of the house. I can't risk it. I just have to stay positive and focus on my art as a means for survival.

My new introduction will be short and sweet. A man can read my blog and find out exactly who I am. In many ways I am over fighting to promote myself. I have found a close circle of friends who chose to read it and they give me all the support I need. I am content. If poverty becomes to much to bear I will recant my position and register as an official model. However, before I do that I will try to promote myself as an artist and pray for success. Just like last time I will post this profile for posterity. I don't want to forget how I changed and adapted. The challenge now is to keep it short and clarify what I don't want from men and emphasize what I do want. One man read this introduction and all he could say was 'money talks.' However, even if you just met me you know that words talk more than money. It was kind of the whole purpose of developing language.

Day 130 The next profile. My name is lin. I'll warn you this profile will be long. It has to be. If it is short and sweet I get harassed by foreign men in nasty countries who don't respect women. I have learned many things about xhamster in only 130 days. I have learned to adapt. I am not like any other girl on this site. I'm not like most girls in real life. I am 32. I look much younger. I've never been married. I can't have k**s. I have the freedom to play on a porn site.

There is something about me that makes me unique. My brain. I'm severely bi-polar. A lot of people have no idea what that causes. I just get labeled a crazy bitch. I was told to hide it. I decided to teach people about the illness. It involves unstable serotonin levels and an inability to have natural sleep. Most bi-polar people live a normal life that may involve an anti-depressant and xanax to sleep. I am not a normal scenario. I require serious tranquilizers to sleep and medicine for narcolepsy to wake up. I'm truly disabled. I'm fighting for disability. I got denied. I can't work a normal job. I must work from home. That is why I have the time to play.

I am an artist and a writer. I have never been published. I do not write fiction. I keep a near daily blog of my adventures. Writing is my passion. My blog replaces motherhood and a husband. It is my baby. I have been writing since before myspace when blog wasn't even a fucking word. I know what I'm doing. I do it well. I wrote my life story on facebook. I got bored. I'm too graphic and sexual for that forum. I moved here. My baby is basically brand new here. I finally get feedback. I am content.

I began writing highly sexual posts. I tried writing about my real life. It was an epic fail. I learned my lesson. This is a porn site. If it isn't sexual no one will read it. Even when it is hardcore erotica men won't read it. My last profile made it clear that a man who gives me good feedback earns cam sex as a reward. No one took me up on the offer. I really wanted a great sex life with men who were smart and appreciated my work with a few kind words. Men don't read even for cam sex with a really hot kinky chick. That is bogus. I no longer give a damn if you read my blog. I write it for myself and around ten good men who adore me. I'll tell you with complete honesty no man will get a free cam show if he doesn't read me word for word and comment.

I'm about to go official as a cam girl here and on chatturbate. I am about to slam both sites with nude photos and live broadcasts. I adore making men cum. It is an addiction. Even if I could work a real job I would be a cam girl. Nothing beats the thrill of working a room full of men watching me get off with real orgasms that are epic. I can't perform free here anymore. My intent was to keep xhamster a free zone for me to play. Now you have to be official to broadcast. If I want to work a room then money enters the equation. Since I need money for private health care and expensive medicine then it's time to work a room and get paid.

I'll tell you why I make a damn fine cam girl. My body is sexy. I'm only five three. I'm a tiny chick. I have size 5 feet. I have tiny hands. I have a cute little ass. I have done a lot of manual labor. I have killer legs and muscle tone. Yet I am a BBW. I carry every bit of my body fat in my cute round belly. I have hips. I am around a size 12 to 14. What makes me different is having a set of tits that are around a 36 DDD. I need custom lingerie in a size E. I truly can't find a bra big enough. I have been wearing tight tiny tank tops without a bra since I had a major weight loss about a year ago. If you have tits like me and you can pull off a tank top and no bra you defied gravity and men will pay to see them.

I also have other assets. I have alopecia which means thin or balding hair. I wear wigs. All my pics and videos are recent. I can be a redhead, a blonde or a brunette. Women have no clue what they are missing out on. Synthetic hair is thick, full and shiny. I never spend time in the bathroom getting pretty. My wigs get washed and brushed and I always look like I walked out of a beauty salon. There is no downside to a wig. I can bath in it, sleep in it and fuck in it. No man sees me without one. I never get laid in real life. The few times it's happened my only rule is no more hair pulling.

I take a different approach to cam sex. I can't stand what other chicks do. They look so skanky. I do it with a dash of innocence. I am a sweet girl and a man can talk to me before we play. I am smart and funny. I think my best feature is my voice. I was a deviant teen addicted to phone sex. I sound like a sex kitten. I am southern and my accent is adorable. I have always turned men on just talking to them. My tone makes men and women relax. It gets men hard to hear me talk about the weather. When I meet a man that wants to hear me talk dirty I go off the charts with kink and fantasies. I moan and men cum.

My pussy. I am always as bare as a baby's ass. I have a huge thick mound. I have a thick fat pussy that stays wet. I watch a lot of porn. I know what I have is unique. I was not interested in sex most of my life. I have never had k**s. My inner lips are tucked deep inside me. Some chicks are flopping out and ragged. I am pristine. Most of all I am tight. When I do fuck most men only last a minute. I am too tight. too wet. too passionate. too sexy sounding. and men just bust almost immediately.

I can't cam right now. I have an old laptop. I need a usb hub. I need a new mic. I refuse to do cam sex when my audio is fucked. It will take me time to fix my computer issues. As soon as possible I will go official and let you know how to see me live. Your damn right I will cater to men who give me tokens. I will absolutely let a man pay for a private show. I will also provide options some women don't. I know married men want a live private show with me but they can't leave evidence. We can play on skype and there is a way to make it happen that never tracks a man to a porn site or a credit card bill. In fact men can get me started before I go official. I'm not stupid enough to discuss it in my profile. I prefer to keep thinks off the record. We can play in privacy if you want me with no time limit. Just ask for my email address. I'll tell you the details.

Any man who pitches in before I go official gets special attention. It gets my skype ID and as much time and intimacy as you desire. I would prefer to freelance with men on skype. I would like clients who need to be discrete. Like a high end escort I will cater to men who need 'the girlfriend experience' on a daily or weekly basis. I will listen to problems. I will provide intimacy. I will never be a burden. I will also never ask a man for money. No one will ever be able to hear me ask for a dime. I won't even mention tokens when I perform live. I will never set a rate or name a price. I work on a sliding scale. I am not doing this just for money. I'm doing it for pleasure.

I'm on a mission. Check out my artwork. I need to print it in order to sell it. I need money to make it possible. As I launch as a cam girl I launch as an artist. I will have a website that features all of my work. Once I generate an income I will be able to send galleries worldwide a link to my website. Men who are smart will think of me as a lottery ticket. My new collages will feature nude photos of me in them. My mentor does all my printing. My work is already cutting edge and totally unique. I will be a beautiful new artist posing nude in her work. I know being a female artist exploiting her body in her work is something contemporary galleries will jump on. On my website men who are smart will buy my work when it is cheap and easy to get. I want to slam walls, galleries and museums. My signature may end up worth a fortune.

My writing is designed to promote my art. I will hit the scene with a bio already written and constantly accessible. People who collect art as an investment want to know about the artist. They can read all about me. They can see me nude in my work. I have 12 pieces blown up huge printed on canvas and stretched on a frame. If you are smart you would know they are number ones of a collection. There are pictures in my gallery of those twelve pieces. They are in my living room. No other work will be numbered. I will only have 12 number ones. If you want to buy one I will make it happen. I can give you something destined for a museum. Ask for my email address.

One final thing. My pm box usually has at least a thousand messages. It is full. I will tackle some of it tonight. I can't waste time chatting with men who offer me nothing. Time equals money. Sex sells. Those equations rule my life. The best way to reach me is on my most recent blog post in a comment. I can usually reply to each comment on my page. Until i get a grip on contact a comment on my page or blog is the only way to reach me. If you want to speak in private you have to send me a page comment to check my PM's for your message. I try to reply to any comment I receive.

I'm trying to make friends. I would like new companions to enjoy. Stop sending me pm's that just say 'hi' 'c2c? or 'nice tits.' If you can't think of something more to say than 'hi' please leave me alone. You are simply clogging my pm box and disrupting my life. I will always cater to men who leave me good messages with merit. I will not play ten versions of 'how are you.' I would rather write, make art or chat with friends I have already made.

This is about money, art, writing and friendship. No stranger gets free cam sex for any reason. I am not able to waste the time. Stop asking. If you want to pay to play before I go official ask for my email address. If you want to be my friend all you have to do is read my blog and comment. Yes a good friend usually becomes my lover.