Real blog. Read this if you contact me. Part one

This is a real blog. This isn't about sex or erotica. This is personal. This is going to be long. I am a writer and an artist. I am a totally unique woman. If you contact me in an honest attempt to find out who i am this is something worth reading. I haven't been on xhamster long. In some ways this forum has changed my life. In around one hundred days I have been a whirlwind of good amateur porn because I love doing it. I have met men all over the world and it shifted my own perception of beauty. This is a porn site. Most men just want to have a good time. Then there are men looking for someone special that is sexual, intelligent, honest and most of all real. Men don't understand that being beautiful is not something I'm used to. I was a sexy little bitch from f******n to eighteen. I don't have many pictures but I posted the few I have. At the same time when I was sexy men didn't know my worth.

In america weight is such a dominating factor when it comes to sex. I was really hot but I didn't know it. I was a size nine with the best tits in the whole goddamn town. It didn't matter a thinner girl with half my charm always took top priority. All of my closest friends were also sexy. When we hit high school as a team we busted up the system. Older girls could not compete in any way to the sex appeal we had as a freshman. Because of weight I had every man I dated try to use me to date my best friends. Because my friends were all thinner I was overlooked until men dated them first and I seduced them. Beauty didn't set me apart. It was my brain, my personality, my sexuality and so much more.

My life unfolded like good fiction. That is why I write about it. I know I'm different than most women. Trying to explain why it happened is one of the reasons I write. This blog is unique. I have been on so many forums telling my story. Most of it happened on facebook. I didn't make it easy to find. Not many people read it. The lack of feedback is why I'm writing here. I will usually focus on sex. I'm not stupid. This is a porn site. However, I can't answer all the pm's or skype messages I receive. It is impossible. My blog is the best way to reach me because it is my priority. As a writer there is a reason to keep telling my story. There is no reason to make up a plot. From conception to thirty two life hit me with enough stories that writing a fake story is not worth my time. I have lived hard and fast. It will only get better because I'm truly hoping to hit infamy. I'm not perfect. I'm simply honest. When I make a mistake I learn from it. Writing for people who don't read it is a pointless endeavor. This is a challenge to see which men here on xhamster will be a part of my world. If you want me then read me. I am over the bullshit hassle of giving time to men who have no value.

In time I will unleash a whole laundry list of sexual escapades. The art of seduction is my skill. My story is a blend of achievements and horror stories. It is fun to share them. Before I get back to the synopsis of why I never felt beautiful let me warn you what one boy did. I don't want another repeat. I don't know if you read the blog I wrote about my relationship with black men. It was a good story to tell that has so many more funny facets. I just hit the highlights. One man contacted me on skype to ask me if what I wrote was real. I responded that any story I write that mentions the word real is not even enhanced for entertainment.

A few days later he made the comment who would have guessed you were a bbc slut. Jesus fucking christ I hit the point of rage when I am dangerous. He got a speech about the fact this is 2014 and it is normal for white people to fuck black people. I ripped him up and down for acting as though my relationship with black men should be shameful or worn as a merit badge. I also warn men not to call me a slut until you know damn well it doesn't offend me. Over time it is totally normal for me to have relationships with men who address me as their little slut. I love that shit. I am down for a nice game of wordplay. 'Hey slut' is normal when you have cammed with me. Until you know for sure what I think of you be careful what the fuck you say to me. I let him know I think he is a racist cocksucker. I hit him with the truth that if any of my black men knew some dude called me a bbc slut they would make him piss and shit blood and then I blocked him.

Back to the story of seduction. I got damn good with my skills. No woman was safe. Because of me weight women dismissed me as a threat and I took them down. My early sexual experiences became legend in this town. That is the funny thing. As an underdog from a small town I made a reputation for myself. Women had to learn about me the hard way. I had more secrets than the national enquirer. I would not produce an orgasm for men at the same time I was a slut that broke every rule in the handbook. I will always have a crooked view about sex and relationships. i do not like being tied down. Men ask me all the time why I'm not married. The men who should have married me fucked up every time. When I do decide I'm ready for marriage I stop playing games. I am faithful, loving, supportive and devoted. They break my heart over and over.

Being bi-polar was an undiagnosed problem I didn't understand until I was thirty. No one on earth should've not noticed the issue. It began in elementary school. I have never been able to go one full week of school. My cycle is four days of high paced accomplishments. On the fifth day I can't wake up. I rotated between missing monday and then friday. In kindergarten I stood out and people noticed. I taught myself how to read damn good between three or four. I was in a stroller at disney world at two when someone came up to me and told me what a pretty baby I was. I was a goddamn beautiful little girl. My mom never gets over the fact I stunned a stranger by removing my pacifier and speaking entirely like an adult. I do not remember the details but I have always been too advanced not to stand out and get special treatment. By the way giving up my pacifier was such a huge issue that I blame it for my addiction to giving head. I am truly an oral fixation dilemma.

Because I could read I was so far advanced the whole school knew in kindergarten something was special about me. I was never forced to take a nap. Teachers let me learn things very young. In elementary school I was always allowed to go to the nurses office and sleep when it was needed. First grade was an issue because I have no handwriting skills. it takes time to learn how to read what i write. I write fast and hard. I can't read it. People loved me for that flaw. In second grade I became a problem. There was no way for my teacher not to know I was gifted. I did the work to fast. I always had the right answers. I raised my hand if she asked a question. I got bored and crawled under tables to talk to boys who should've been learning. There is a reason for the gifted program. It has nothing to do with giving k**s like me a better education. The school system wouldn't budget in the program unless it was necessary. I was told to take the test. It was my first academic challenge. I loved it. It involves a major IQ test that females are at a disadvantage to pass. Boys have better toys than girls that involve spatial skills and hand coordination.

Removing k**s like me from a normal classroom happens because we misbehave out of boredom and stop the learning process. You can make straight A's and have no ability to pass the test. In my grade there were two females who passed and four boys. The other little girl was black. It is very true it is important for any black female to not pass but be allowed into the program. Her name was sheritta and we were bonded for life. She had to work so damn hard it is uncanny. She was special. I finally had to compete with highly disruptive and brilliant boys with better math and science skills than me. It didn't matter I missed so much school because I was too smart to control. I faked being sick with no clue why I had to sleep. There is no illness I didn't fake during school besides cancer. My parents didn't care because they were ignorant. They refused to tell me my IQ because they didn't what me to be cocky. When k**s in gifted proclaimed their number I was not able to tell them mine.

My whole family was proud of me for being so smart but there was envy and abuse from my brother and my cousins. My uncle demanded to see my yearly equivalency tests. I couldn't understand why my results were so different. It is a chart that grades you on a world wide percentile scale. No one understood mine. I had no real results. I had a row of tiny dots. My uncle knew what it meant. He had to explain it to my parents. I am in the 99th percentile. When you can claim it with the papers to match then you can compete with me. It means there is no higher score. It is perfection. It means simply when you rate intelligence there will be one percent of people who beat you. There is no way to score higher. Those tests gave me a free pass to be absent when I pleased.

By sixth grade k**s like me were entirely isolated from normal k**s. We can't be in the same room. We are taught about being gifted. It means we don't care about grades and work as hard as a person who gets classified as advanced. You do get special treatment and experiences. There was a summer school program for us. It offered my first chances to learn drama, video production, spanish and more. That program got me hooked to a stage like a crackhead. Freshman year I had years of acting experience. It was a whole set of k**s with a different free pass.

For the most part we were all deviant gifted k** who abused the system. No one called our teacher Mr. He was simply called rutter. He was hilarious. He was a hardcore alcoholic with no drivers license so he rode a bike to school. He could not stop tweaking his nipples. He didn't give a damn what we did. It was an hour long guaranteed pass to fuck up. We sat in the dressing room and smoked. We had so many rooms to hide in. Pot heads learned to climb into the lighting system to get high. He had to try and make us quit getting high out of fear we would get stoned and set the school on fire. There was a tradition for older k**s to find out who had merit and give us something sacred. The school had a master key to open any door. Rutter let us hold his keys so much we copied them and past them out when needed. It was possible for us to unlock the school and sleep there. My freshman year a senior girl delivered her goodbye speech letting us all know she was homeless and she slept in the prop room for most of high school.

The administration had no clue what we did. For conventions we needed a female chaperone. Rather than find one who would disrupt our system rutter faked that his internet girlfriend was there. My friends in gifted were bitches with an attitude that any misconduct was grounds for dismissal of intelligence. Only drama k**s knew about my secret life. I would have a whole set of boys oblivious to what I was up to. I had my vice. It was always sexual. It was an issue with being dismissed as first choice and using men for a thrill. I faked being a virgin not to get pushed into fucking when it was so easy. Rutter knew all about my sex life. He walked in on me regularly and apologized for the disruption. He got my best friend worse. Freshman year he walked in on her sucking dick and didn't say a word. Fuck yes I had a key to the school. I didn't piss in the crowded bathroom. I had balls to unlock the teachers bathroom which was clean and supplied with toilet paper. If I had to sleep and it was not possible to leave I unlocked doors and slept on a bed.

But no one knew my biggest secret. It was something I could never trust someone not to stop. I didn't get a break in life. My parents were cruel. At f******n my dad was working a minimum wage job at a restaurant. He set me up big time. He announced I was old enough to work and he got me a job. He was a monster who hated me and ignored me. You have to understand that I have a brother four years older than me. My whole life he beat me unmercifully. He had never worked a day in his life. My father could have have got him a job or asked him to work. He chose me as his victim and my mother allowed it. When you have nothing and suddenly you have a chance to work at any age you do it. It was unmercifully cruel and i*****l c***dhood labor that is now impossible for a restaurant to do without getting busted. America did get better when it came to stopping what I went through. The fine for what my boss got away with would shut him down now.

I have one friend who can confirm my story because when she turned f******n she worked there with me. As a team we knew what real life was about. Without her in my life no one could understand me and believe what happened to us. Gut instinct tells me to post this in case my computer shuts down. I have so much more to say. I am on a mission seeking help. Before I ask I want any man who cares about me to understand what i achieved. And what my life was like. This is just the beginning. The next one or two blogs are when I explain what is wrong and why I am writing and not camming like I need to. There is a reason why I haven't answered messages or replied to comments. I'm busted. If a man contacts me it is time they realize what I have to do because I have no choice. Just like unlocking doors in high school I am opening doors that are off limits. Before I go back to writing for pleasure it is time to explain how things have changed.