Real blog 'how littlewanker lost my asshole&#

It has been an intense night for me. But first I have an announcement LITTLEWANKER NO LONGER CONTROLS MY ASSHOLE that was cathartic just to write. I do engage in role-playing. I'm very fond of the master/slave game. I am submissive and it feels natural to allow and enjoy a man who is dominating me. I just had a weakling come forward to play the game. So all my holes are fair game. In all actuality even though my status said he controlled my asshole it was a lie. Even though I am submissive you do not own my asshole overnight. Just to engage him in a nice bout of role playing I had a full 24 hours with my status saying my holes are open but littlewanker controls my asshole. Men can now rest assured I am no longer owned by anyone. I am a better master than he is. I know because I'm a switch. I've been a master before.

If another man comes forward an engages me as a slave he will also experience the same test. I multi-task. I do many things at once. Of course I needed to know my master could truly handle me as a challenge. I have put skype and cam on hold to focus on writing this blog. It is very much like a newborn that I must nurture. You may have read my post about engaging men in a game I call letter fucking. If a man will give me a fantasy or a graphic sex scene I will spend part of my night enhancing it or writing it in full detail.

As a writer it is fun to engage men and find out what they want me to write about. Even if you don't have a sexual fantasy any man can ask me about my life and past experiences and I will write about it. Tonight a good friend came forward with his urge to read a fantasy about fucking in a lingerie store. I went grocery shopping and brainstormed ideas. Sometimes it may take me a few hours to figure out how to approach a man's fantasy with my own blend of fact and fiction.

Just like last night I took littlewanker's graphic depiction of dominating me and switched the focus to the fantasy I have of being able to meet a man who can engage in genuine v******e as foreplay. I could've pumped out a quick narration of what it felt like to be tied down and dominated. That would've taken me thirty minutes. Instead I wrote my first real piece of fiction. I told a story. I shared my fantasy. Then I wrote an explanation how the story was based on real life memories and things I would really do. In all ways I devoted myself to giving him an absolute glance at how I approach his fantasy scenario. No good fantasy ever begins with me already tied to a bed. The fantasy in my world will always be the challenge to control me, dominate and punish me.

I have to say for my first taste of writing fiction instead of a blog that I am proud of my work. Some men were stunned to realize how rough I like sex. Although I am sensual I am also prone to engaging in power struggles. One day I will meet a man who can handle a slap, slap me back and wrestle to tie me down. Eventually my fantasy will come true. I do like an aspect of pain mixed with pleasure. In many ways the adrenalin rush I would get from a nice hard slap beats the intensity of a passionate kiss. I never claimed to be easy to understand.

To approach the fantasy of a lingerie fuck session I went deep into fantasy land. In a lot of ways it was truly based on fact. I especially hope my good friend michael appreciates my effort. After all his moniker is vintageknickerlover. To write the story I included my own fantasy that could come true. In the coming months I will submit my artwork to galleries all over the world. If a gallery in New York is interested in me my life will truly change.

In the story I pretended I was accepted and paid a small fortune. I doubt I'll be so lucky. There are a lot of artists out there and my competition is fierce. At the same time my work is cutting edge and contemporary. It is a totally unique style and something new to comprehend. Basically, I do have a shot at making it. I explained to littlewanker I may not always be available. Very soon I must focus on art and put writing, sexuality and friendship on hold. If he wanted to engage me in a master/slave situation he needed to understand I would not always be available. I have to think about an income because being bi-polar to the extreme makes it impossible for me to work a real job. I will have to build a small business. It will be one part art, one part sex, one part writing and eventually one part vintage clothing.

I do not put all of my eggs in one basket. I know enough about business to understand it never hurts to have multiple streams of income flowing in. As an artist I do plan to exploit the fact I have already written my life story in a blog style fashion. I am more than just my art. Many artist never involve their personal life with their artwork. For me the two intertwine. I think getting my name out there and building a persona will help me stand out. If you like my artwork not only can you purchase it you can read all about my life and watch me evolve. The sexual dimension of my writing matches the sexuality of my artwork. Learning to write a sexual fantasy is fun. It is also a business adventure. Sex sells. If men think an artist is beautiful, articulate and accessible then they are more likely to collect my work. Nudity will not harm me as an artist. Writing good erotica only adds to my portfolio of talents.

It takes time to learn how to write. I can easily pump out memories and life experiences. This new challenge of writing short sexual stories is a challenge. It will not catch on if it is a few cheesy paragraphs that describe just fucking. As a writer I must learn how to form a plot, express dialogue and provide a full experience. However so much of it is based on fact my writing has the dimension of portraying who I am rather than just a fuck toy.

It's true I'm from a small town and I've never even been on an airplane. I would be miserable in a large city. I would be overwhelmed if my life drastically changes and I'm forced to attend my own show surrounded by the wealthy socialites who might collect it. When I describe my tits I'm being totally honest. I was a freak of nature. In second grade I got a letter sent home from the principle's office to put me in a bra if I wanted to attend school. Let's just summarize that first adventure to find me a bra as a moment of total mortification. I was really little around the waist yet that young I was already busting out of a c-cup. They grew fast and hard.

I can't remember a time when I could easily buy a bra. I was usually a 34DD and I was busting out of the cup size. When I described my weight loss I was telling fact not fiction. I did wear a 40DD with my tits almost falling out. When I talked about a bra-less summer it was no fantasy. I am broke and the 40DD is too big around. A bra too big around dose push down your tits and it feels so uncomfortable I couldn't take it.

I still can't believe I pulled it off. I do have three tank tops I rotate. One is so pornographic I only use it when I intend to do cam sex. One is designed perfectly to fit my body. It is brown and blue with tiny little flowers on it. I do wear it without a bra and my tits look great. My favorite one is white. It has a built in bra like support system. I practically live in it. It is fun as hell to fuck with men. I do have ample cleavage on display. I live in florida. It is hot as balls. I am either nude or dressed like a little tramp at all times. When a man cams with me and sees my tits he is usually stunned when I tell him 'I'm not even wearing a bra.'

I had a reunion of old friend's to attend. I had to dress sexy and search for a bra to fit. Luckily I found an alternative for the fat lady's store lane bryant. When you have tits like I do you need a store designed for fat women. Thank God I went to a mall with more fashionable sexy clothing for curvy women. I'm somewhere between a twelve and a f******n. I still have a belly. It is really hard to find clothes that fit. After a bra-less summer I tried on many options. I figured I would be an E. The bra alphabet makes no sense I am currently wearing a 38DDD. It is still to big around. The 36DDD didn't have a big enough cup size. The store is working to manufacture an E or larger. I asked. I'm still shrinking. I have to know at some point I can find a 34 E.

I do have a fantasy about visiting the lingerie store I described. There was a reality tv show about two women running a boutique specializing in odd size and shapes. It is world reknowed for having some of the most sexy and ultra expensive lingerie on the planet. When I chose to describe my perfect experience in lingerie I absolutely picked my dream. I really did sell vintage clothes on ebay and that's how I supported myself in college. Emilio Pucci is my favorite designer. I did find a vintage pucci bra at a thrift store. Some of his most collectible items are his lingerie and sleepwear.

Im obsessed with the sex appeal of a tight boned corset. I did buy one at fredericks of hollywood to wear to prom. I know exactly what it feels like to have my waist cinched in from a corset with boning. It is no joke you can barely touch your feet. I wore a corset for halloween a few years back. It was hard to breath but my tits were busting out so hardcore they are inches from my chin and shockingly potnographic. I sold one cheap black costume corset on ebsy. I'm not a skinny girl. Yet I modeled it. We sold that cheap thing for a fortune. I wish I still had pictures. We got messages asking if my tits were also for sale until it sold. I look damn good in a corset and I always will.

For the story I could've described intense fucking. I chose to write my fantasy. If I was in a pucci corset and panties I would pleasure myself immediately. At any moment when i find an outfit that reminds me of a vintage playboy bunny costume I will lose my damn mind. As for the squirting I have no idea if my body does that. I have tiny hands and I can't reach my g-spot. I tell any man I fuck now to focus on a good handjob, head or a vibrator if they really want me to have an orgasm.

Back to pissing off littlewanker. I was seriously having a good time writing my own blend of fact and fiction. I got so turned on I almost had to stop everything, watch good porn and have an orgasm. If I known he was going to be such an amateur that's exactly what I would have done. Instead of my own pleasure like a good submissive I contacted my master. If there is one thing I hate it is a man telling me how to conduct my damn business. I was expecting a normal master/slave experience where we exchange a good game of me being punished with some extreme request. I was prepared to use words to get him off about being a bad little girl who disobeyed on purpose for punishment. I truly knew I would be reprimanded and I expected him to turn me on further for telling me all the ways he would make me obedient.

No he basically scolded me about my need to multi-task and told me to focus on one thing at a time. He listed all my current endeavors. He did reward me with a compliment that I am more of a manipulative and cunning little whore than he expected me to be. I do have a plot, a plan and a reason for everything I do. As I build up a more graphic yet real sexual persona it is in preparation for the event I do resort to cam sex. I may have to in order to pay to have my artwork printed. I let him and anyone else that wants to know I use words to engage men in a fantasy. I do it for pleasure. I get off pleasing men. At the same time telling more about my real life, writing erotica and always offering feedback when a man comments on my page and blog is truly an economic decision. I can't overemphasize that sex sells. Just like that ebay pic of tits on display I know damn well that getting sexual yet being real adds to my allure as a beautiful, talented and intelligent woman.

Men are more interested in my artwork than women. Not many women love vintage comics, tits and pussy like I do. Men truly do. Men will always gravitate towards a sexy, curvy, honest artistic chick. As men get to know me I hope they enjoy my erotica. I hope they look forward to a blog post about what is fact versus fiction. Intelligent men who read are my ideal candidate for buying my artwork as soon as it is available. It is for me an act of proving my worth. As I build this blog many men I hope will want to display a piece of art which earns my dedication to being a good friend and a possible source of pleasure. Xhamster will never be a place where I allow a man to give me money. Men have offered me money after hearing I'm dead broke and I have refused their help and given them pleasure free of charge. xhamster is never going to be about money. I have made too many good friends here. In my profile I hint on purpose that I could possibly shift into a situation where I become a cam girl. I get too many contacts to handle. My profile is long for a reason. A lot of the assholes on this site see that huge essay and refuse to read it or contact me. There is a method to my madness.

Men who like to read enjoy the fact my profile is real, honest and unique. Most of the men who contact me are intelligent enough to embrace me as an artist that is well-written and sexy. They are the kind of men who will invest in a woman's art. They know I'm a very complex woman worth getting to know. I'm also very sweet and I do write a serious reply when I get feedback. I can't do live shows right now because of my period. As an amateur BBW that refuses to get paid with tokens I earn respect. When I go live it's seriously for my entertainment. I love doing it. When men find me looking for new models they realize I'm a woman working for pleasure not money. I earn legit enthusiasm for doing an excellent job as an innocent girl that can get kinky.

Life really can take me in two different paths. I could find immediate success as an artist. If I fail I will have to cam to print art. I will sell at art shows and on consignment in galleries. I will know after I am able to send out a letter explaining my work along with a few examples and a proposition to see my full portfolio. It could take months, weeks or days to get a response. What feedback I receive determines my future. I really don't want to do it. However, I'm preparing for it just the way I would if I feared a hurricane. Xhamster will be free. If I do become a cam girl I will sign on with chatterbate. If I do it then men who want a cam show from a girl they feel like they already know will be able to have me. Intimacy is what I offer that most cam girls neglect. I offer friendship. I am sweet and adaptable. I'm able to truly offer good conversation before or after pleasure. I am honest when I say I enjoy doing it.

The part that bothers me is having a natural reluctance to accept money for sexual pleasure. I enjoy being free sex and intimacy. My writing will never miss a beat. The friends I've made will not be neglected. Nothing will change except that when a man wants to pay me for a chance to have some of my time and all of my attention he will finally be able to buy it. As I dive into erotica i share my sexuality like a free sample. If I finally find a local man willing to take good erotic yet not slutty nude photos the amount of contact I receive will increase. As I go live more often the contact will increase. As men choose to read personal blogs that explain my nights of pleasure the contact will increase. If a man comes forward with the ability to make live videos where I am able to have audio in synch contact will increase. I do hope to receive a proposition from a man with that ability. Fuck the money. I want the pleasure of telling my fantasies in a video that uses my voice to arouse men. Finally, if I ever get a chance to answer well over 200 recent pm's I can connect in more depth with friends who would like to chat.

That is why littlewanker had to wait. Right now I do enjoy role-play but I have to focus on meeting men. I have to be reliable correspondence. Men have to understand that the severity of my level of bi-polar sedation or mania makes me unable to get a real job. If I could wait tables I would never become a cam girl. I'm too sedated sometimes and I'm truly disabled. My claim for disability was denied. It's damn hard in florida to get assistance when you can't work. I need a lawyer and I have to fight to prove that my severe sleep disorder, anxiety attacks and sedation force me to fight for money to provide private mental healthcare. Im not some lazy skank that won't work. I can't work and I have no one to support me. If I don't fight to earn an income then there is no pleasure. My artwork will never be on walls. I won't be able to chat with friends. When I explained to littlewanker I am multi-tasking in the hopes of meeting men who would adore a chance to have intimacy through cam sex after meeting me here and choosing to pay me on chatterbate he paid me his compliment that I am a manipulative and cunning little whore.

I take it as a compliment because I do plan to manipulate men into a situation where they will pay money for the cam sex experience of a life time. It is cunning. If I wanted to be stupid I would slam my page with pics of tits and pussy hoping men would become captivated. That's a dumb move. There are a lot of cam girls out there. Finding one who enjoys doing it and uses words to tell a man exactly what she is preparing for is my approach. I promised to be totally honest. That is part of the persona I am building. I did my research. Men love women who are straight forward. They like natural beauty not tacky make-up. Jewelry distracts from a woman's natural features. Laughing when you trip on your mic cord and having a bitch fit turns men on. Having a sexy belly and a unique tattoo turn men on. Having to wear wigs that alter me from a brunette, to a blonde to a redhead turn men on. Being able to answer questions with an honest reply turn men on. Not being able to get laid in real life and letting men know all my sexual experiences have sucked turn mens on. Even announcing some man owns your asshole and gives it up turns men on.

Men want to know more about who a woman is. They want to know her motivations. They don't like surprises. They want the girlfriend experience way more than they want five minutes to whack off while I just fuck myself and play music. If men from this site choose to pay for a chatterbate experience it is a beautiful thing. It is nothing to be ashamed of for either of us. If they read my blog they know I only cam for money to make it as an artist. They know that if time didn't equal money I would do it for free. I would please any man I bond with free of charge if I had more time. Some men I won't allow to pay me and I will take them on skype for free. Men would be getting free pleasure right now if I wasn't writing this blog. I love to see a man's face when I make him cum. It's an addiction for me. Yes, I write a long blog. Yes, you have to choose if you want to read it. Yes it takes time. However, when else do you get to meet a girl on xhamster that is always telling the truth. It is more cunning in my book to let any man know I am letting them see all sides of me. I've got a goal to accomplish. I want my art on walls. Being a genuine experience with no hidden agenda is my goal. This blog will stay updated even if no one ever gives me feedback again. I'm dead serious writing is a selfish act on my behalf. I do this for pleasure and I've chosen this site as my new forum. It was a thrill to discuss fact in my fiction. It was a thrill to make one man's fantasy into my own. It was a thrill to explain how a master chose not to tackle me and offer me proper punishment. I'm a kinky little bitch. It was cathartic to explain I'm sexual for pleasure but I may let men pay me for time. No man will ever be solicited for money. No man will be able to give me a hand out. If sex and money get linked it will simply be a bonding moment when a man helps me make it as an artist. Littlewanker called me manipulative. I'm sure he thought I will continue to form bonds with a hidden agenda to earn money. He underestimated my manipulative capabilities. I use honesty as a manipulative move to make men intrigued to have one on one time with me on cam or through messages. If money becomes a factor then so be it. It is done with honest enthusiasm to make a man's fantasy of talking to me and seeing me enjoy getting him off a reality. In a world full of women who hide their flaws and motivations I shine. I'm crystal clear. Ask me anything. One final note. giggle. I am now looking for a new man to claim and earn exclusive access to my asshole.