Real blog. no sex. a letter to my angora bunny

last night i letter ****d my male best friend. i am hoping he will help me launch my career as an artist. my ambition has changed. I was just going to chase florida galleries with a small portfolio of twelve gallery worthy custom framed collages i could either make into limited editions or sell unlimited for life. Last night I decided to shoot for the moon. I got a lot of great feedback when i posted my second gallery of artwork here on xhamster. One man in particular that my best pieces were some of my doodles and less commercial pieces. I had another good friend listen to me talk about launching a career as a camwhore. He wants something better for me and said there has to be another way.

I brainstormed. A lot of my artwork was lost. I only have pictures of some of my best work. the man that does my printing is rooting for me to make it. He even gave me a scanner. He taught me how to turn each collage into several variations so i could still have limited editions that had slight variations i could achieve through cropping and adding color using photoshop. We live in a small town and my work is to cutting edge to display in the town gallery. I realized if he could turn those pictures of my lost art into flawless reproductions that i have a huge portfolio.

I decided not to jump on chatterbate until i present my collection to a shitload of galleries. Of course I'll face rejection. But I decided to think beyond florida. xhamster has taught me to thank on a global scale. I will contact galleries all over the world. The art market is in the pits. No one has money for collecting art. Collectors are always thinking about future investments. My mentor is famous as a floridian artist. He can't sell shit right now. Collectors are focusing on graffiti art. A good graffiti artist can make a killing because collectors know it will hold value and it makes a statement that rebels against classic art.

I plan to go on a voyage to produce extreme art. I will hit places like new york, LA, Paris and tokyo. I take a huge risk because im going to be offering them pieces of work i have to pay to have scanned, edited and printed. To get it done I will jump on board selling sexuality. I'm not stupid. I know men will always pay for a piece of ass before they buy a wall decoration. sex sells. My artwork will have a huge shot at being collectible because it is so sexual and graphic.

One man asked me how i planned to portray myself sexually and intellectually on this forum. I explained Im going to use writing and good correspondence. Then I explained I'm amping up my writing with sexuality that I adore. The last step is finally posting plenty of seductive nude photos. I have explained to a lot of men that i have no camera. The recorder program i bought is a piece of shit. My angora bunny has an iphone and i can use it to make photos and videos. Unless you've cammed with me you don't realize one of the sexiest things about me is my voice.

My angora bunny was raised in a very healthy home. I've never met a man so freaked out by sexuality. I torment him. We started as lovers. One night we spent all night talking. He has bad ADHD. when he comes over he does engage me in conversation but he must also be playing on the internet. If he doesn't have the computer he flips through my art books. He must constantly multi-task. I have been his sugar momma since we met. I had a life insurance policy. I shared every dime with him. I paid his rent two months in a row, i gave him my ATM card and told him to buy any computer he wanted. His had a busted screen. I bought him clothes. I spent a fortune on adderall for us both. Every time he came over i gave him my card so he could buy beer or gas if he needed it. I refused to check my bank balance. I let him know i didn't care if he pulled out a twenty. He could've ripped me off for three hundred bucks a visit. I will never do the research to find out.

One morning after one of are all night adderall binges he needed to go to the gas station to fill his tank before driving home. I happened to check the computer. He broke my heart. He had that much love from me. While i sat beside him he used my computer to go on the dating site we met. He had me in front of him and he was scrolling for pussy, high on my medicine and spending my money. I gave him his first taste of my darkside. He had to sit mortified while i gave him a speech about southern hospitality and being disrespected in my goddamn attic. I could've told him to never come back and punched him in the face. Instead i had pity on him because he was nearly crying from guilt and humiliation.

I launched 'operation warfare' I got back on the dating site. I downloaded skype when some cute young boy told me he thought i was using old high school photos because im thirty two and i looked young in my pictures. He was so convinced i downloaded the damn program to show him the pictures match the cam. It was the first time i had cam sex. It was hilarious. He was so kinky. He shot his load and caught every drop in his mouth. I was speechless. It was so epic i introduced him to my best friend so she could watch him eat his load. She introduced me to badoo. I forced my angora bunny to meet the first guy i decided to date. We were like boyfriend and girlfriend. I could see the pain in his eyes to see me about to go fuck some dude i met off the internet.

I hated the dude i had a blind date with. He had been up all night and he begged me to let him come pick me up when he got out of work. One of the first things he said to me was 'i can see you don't go outside much and exercise' I had lost a lot of weight but I was still curvy. I hammered him with a response that if he didn't like my weight plenty of other men did. He tried to say his comment was about the fact im not tan. I told him actually i have a healthy complexion. I told him I am a nazi about sunscreen and that made me not wrinkle. It was total irony. He even had to ask me for gas money to drive to his house. Later we discussed the fact that he was way too thin and he needed to gain twenty pounds. We also discussed the fact he had so much sun damage he aged prematurally and looked older than he really was.

It was fate. My angora bunny had the chance to score me black market adderall. As a couple we both dropped everything to exchange money and pills. I had to tell him i was with another man. The other man gave me a lecture about trusting a man with my ATM card. He was so persistant he made me check my bank balance. It way lower than i ever dreamed. I freaked the fuck out. My blind date told me my angora bunny robbed me. We had one of our best moments as a couple. I was nearly in tears. He just held me and we did the math. We calculated how we spent the money. For christ sake's when we had our first blind date i booked a hotel room that cost five hundred bucks a night. I had also just invested a fortune in producing my artwork. I left convinced he didn't rip me offf and the money was well spent.

I was so not attracted to my blind date. I knew it was one of those horrible situations I had to fuck a dude i didn't like. I d**gged myself with a double dose of my anti-psychotic. It is a great pill. It dissolves under your tongue and knocks you out in ten minutes. All summer long I had to stop my angora bunny from kissing me goodnight. Any of that pill in his mouth would make him not able to wake up. I already had plans to d**g the blind date. It was even better. He was a d**g seeker. He thought my sleeping medicine was something like xanax and he wanted one. I am usually not evil. I would never allow anyone to take my medicine if I wasn't trying to avoid sex. My mom takes it sometimes and she always does the same thing. She wakes up to pee, gets tangled in her cover, hits the floor and pisses all over the place. I was so evil I gave him a whole pill. I was excited. I was dying to see what the pill does to a normal brain. He got lucky and just took half. Yet again I met another man who didn't kiss me, touch me or try to get me wet. we got naked and he stuck a dick in me when i was desert dry.

The d**g hit him immediately. It was reverse date ****. He started moving slower and began passoing out before we had three minutes of sex. I don't even think he cam. Suddenly he was just comatose. I took a double dose of medicine and spent the day dosing in and out. He wanted me to stay the weekend. There was no way that was happening. He had to go to work. I started trying to wake him up two hours before he was supposed to be there. I knew he was going to be fucked up. I never dreamed it would be so bad. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I shook him like a baby that dies from head trauma. I turned on the lights. I held him in a sitting position. He was like a corpse. I got mean and told him he had to wake up i needed to go home period. I warned him he would lose his job if he didn't snap out of it. There was not a coffee maker or caffeine in the house. He couldn't speak. He couldn't put on pants. He berated me so hardcore. He told me he never felt more fucked up in his life. He officially told me that my sleeping pill was only meant for crazy people in asylums. I could've torn him a new ass. I let him know that i took three times the dose he took and i functioned just fine.

I told him that I had no idea he couldn't handle downers. I told him I would buy him a redbull. He was about to be driving me on the interstate. He didn't take my advice and bought one of those five hour energy shots. I told him it was a dumb move. he needed the extra large can of redbull and he needed to chug it. We stopped speaking. I have never been moore scared in my life. It took about an hour on the interstate to get to my house. He had no chance of getting to work on time. He drove a hundred miles an hour weaving in and out of traffic with no turn signal. I got on my phone and truly told my best friend I loved her but I was saying goodbye. The way he drove was so scary that I don't know how he got me home. He was nodding in and out driving that fast in two lanes. I didn't say a word when he dropped me off. For a ll i know he was in a fatal collision on his way to work. I learned my lesson not to d**g men.

Then one fateful day one of my friends from holland told me about xhamster. It has been 87 days of sheer entertainment. I rarely talk to americans. Usually only foreign men contact me. My angora bunny has had to hear all the details. I tend to fall in love on a weekly basis. I even had to make him remove all the dick pictures from my computer. I think he looked at a hundred dicks that night. To make it even more evil i made him make me a hidden file to save dick pics from men i dearly love. He is so good to me there is a desktop icon i can click that gives me instructions how to find my hidden file of dicks and hot men.

Now im broke and it is time to find out if he still loves me when i dont have an ATM card and adderall. We havent hung out in months. I accused him of ditching me the moment i went broke. He responded with plans to bring me home to hang out at his house for tthe first time and spend a weekend together. I was hoping it would be in a few days. After I letter ****d him he responded to let me know it would be a week or two. This is the letter I wrote him.

oh i wish you were coming sooner i was so excited. you know me . by next week i may be out of medicine. also it would've been nice if you gave me one inkling on your thoughts concerning the letter i ****d you with last night. my computer is malfunctioning hard. i really need someone to teach me how to clean out my fan. i only come on facebook to check for your messages. ive changed forums. it hit me that i have around a hundred friends on faceebook who offer no feedback when i blog.

xhamster has a blog option. ive been on the site 87 days and i had 2500 people send me a request to be my friend. the way i blog has changed. it is shorter. less intense .it is mostly sexual. people love it. sure not that many men take the time to read. a lot of men skip over me because i have a long profile. instead i attract other writers and musicians. it is difficult. words as simple as sleep **** force d**g i*****l f******n scrapped family sister and even a****l are all bleeped out. but im finally getting praise for a genuine blog that is well written. im branching into fiction. it will be my next step. i post dialogue of funny chats. im bombarded by too many messages to ever possibly answer them. i really do need your help to photograph and film me.

im very proud of my curves. when you met me you had no clue i would end up this confident chick that just received a legit offer to make porn for five to thirty grand per shooting. we couldn't have predicted that at the hotel when we met. just like georgia o'keefe i want to make photographs of myself nude even though im flawed. even if i never have to be a cam girl i do want to be naked on my profile. its not about getting more male attention. its an artistic statement. i always said my writing was like standing naked on a pedestal in my yard. on this site i can really do it. it is rebellion. it is healing. it is also preparation for a future that may take those photographs and launch a site for men to pay for me to be an artist. i will wash and style all my wigs. i need you to tap into your erotic zone.

i sm still fat by american standards. it is about bloody time i become proud of my size and shape. i want to have you record my voice when i amp it to sexual. im not afraid to be one of the sexiest intelligent chicks on the whole site. i just need your help. i can earn money through seduction with more nudity. im blown away by my own transformation. i want to celebrate it and flaunt it. just the other day a man saw me on cam and told me i was glowing. i explained my change in nutrition and my weird pregnancy style glow. i keep making women hate me. i see their pictures and i understand. i went from bald fat dirty badly dressed and chewing my face liike i was on meth into a whole new girl. in so many ways i did transform into a real manic pixie dream girl.

if i make it as an artist i want people to be able to see me nude. its the ultimate taboo. if i knew if the offer to make porn covered airfare i would do it in a heart beat. to go from so ugly my mom looked at me eating my face and cried and transform into a major player in bbw porn based on my shape and facial beauty and wigs is like living a fantasy. so it will be harder to reach me.

your my last contact on facebook. there is no reason to check for messages or feedback ever again. i have anew outlet for social media.. with the right nude photos i could reach a cult like following. i could be approached for publication. i can have fans collect my artwork. i can tell my life story and people will read it. this is just the beginning. so dont dread taking photos of me. i know you will hear me say words you cant stand. at the same time you are giving me a shot at being a female icon like anais nin or marilyn monroe. that is priceless. you watched me transform everything. now i need you to document the change. you know no one else will do it.

your ability to make me turned on and comfortable with my body is unique. i know it will feel dirty to you. but its actually quite beautiful. its a bond we shared when we took a vacation in my attic. even my mom is excited that you are having me over. i told her about my plan to approach art on a world wide scale. i told her it would all depend on if you take the lottery ticket to invest in me. she didn't flinch when i explained in sheer honesty that my money will always be your money. Me and my mom both shared the dream that i hit it big and you never have to wait tables or worry about money for life.

if we do this right and do it hard. you can sit back and write your first novel. taking nude photos is just the first step to scratching off my lottery ticket and having the time to do what you do best. i hope you jump at the gamble. for once you have to bet on a horse and pray she pushes it so hard she may die from exhaustion. if i die young i want to be exhausted. after winning a race no one thought i could ever run.

That was the letter i wanted to remember. Welcome to what my blog is like when I'm something besides sex. I will always lable it real blog so people who are only interested in my erotica don't have to read something not designed to turn men on. This is what i do when I'm not answering messages or taking calls. I tell stories and explain memories. It's not for everyone. But there are men who will take the time to enjoy what I do. Writing is my d**g. I wrote a long explanation about how i planned to blend sexuality with intellectuality on this site. The sex part is easy. I truly just need nude photos and videos. I'm looking for love. I want a man who likes the way i think. It is ballsy to write a nonsexual blog on a porn site. I need a forum to write free from old friends who lost interest in me. I am so sexual it tends to piss women off. My confidence and happiness at fixing my flaws comes off as bragging to old friends. So I'm giving this a shot. I will never be able to answer each private message I get. I am starting to scroll through messages and focus on ones that say art or blog. If it has been days since you sent me a message and i didn't respond the only way ill catch it is if you send me a new message and go back to the top of the list. I am focusing on comments on my page and on my blog. I never miss those. Since writing is a daily habit there will probably be apost daily. Most of the time it will be sexual. Sometimes it will be deep and profound. Switching off of facebook is a new path. I'm hoping to make people laugh. I'm trying to make people understand that it is weird for me to be hit on. I was bald, fat and abused a long time. My grammar will never be perfect. People will hit me with critism. It always happens. I dare anyone to judge my writing unless they also write a daily blog. Until i meet another writer there is no way to harm me with negativity. I hope to please a small circle of readers that enjoy a chance to see me naked on a pedastal. This blog is me nude. There will be pictures of me nude that correspond to my transition as an artist, a writer and possibly a camwhore