Camwhores, curiosity and cockteases. welcome to m

As a writer it only makes sense for me to maintain an xhamster blog. I have left comments on my page that should've been blogs. I'm still new to this forum. I'm still figuring out the details. I'll start by describing myself. I'm not your average girl. I'm severely bi-polar. I can't work a normal job. The medicine i take leaves me tranquilized, spun out or in a state of anxiety. I was in nursing school. i had two major deaths happen two weeks a part. I left knowing I would never return. i'm too sensitive to be a nurse. i get emotional and the state of healthcare in america is a sad joke. Since i left my body has changed. i was around 200 pounds. That was too much weight for my petite frame. i'm only five foot three. i have tiny features. i just have enormous large real tits. Through good nutrition i lost fifty pounds. i still have a belly. it is shrinking. many men i talk to beg me not to lose anymore weight.

Thanks to sites like xhamster i learned a lot of men like a curvy chick that isn't just skin and bones. I'm still dedicated to good nutrition. i may keep shrinking now that i know it is an asset to be considered a bbw. If i could work a normal job i would probably be a waitress. or i would go back into the industry of dry cleaning. i was working at various dry cleaners for nearly a decade. i like hard labor. unfortunately, to pay for a private shrink i have to think about money and do it fast. in the long run i hope to be a success from art and writing.

however, im not stupid. i know being a camwhore means fast, easy cash that won't affect my ability to skip days i can't work. I know a lot of camwhores do it just for the money. i'm different. i do it for fun. i love getting men off. As a juvenile delinquent i had no phone curfew and i mastered free phone sex. Going on cam is just like returning to my past. i get a rush better than an orgasm when i get a man off. Making money is just an added bonus and thrill. I'm really looking for friends. I don't know many people in real life. Everyone left my small rural town. I know very few people. I have facebook friends i barely know. my good friends don't read my blog. it is too long. it's like a novella that is constantly being replaced.

i joke with boys i meet that i letter **** them. it's a running joke to get hit someone with one of my letters and only get the comment how do you write so much? No one cares about the content. They care about the length. This blog won't only be sexual. Sometimes it will just be a hilarious rant. one man in italy commented that no one would read it. he was firm belief men just care about tits and pussy. i think he is wrong. i bet a lot of men wished women would keep a blog like i do. instead of seeing my gaping pussy hole you get to go inside of my mind. it is easy to be spread like a pussy or an asshole. Being spread intellectually is different. i will talk about issues that cause humilation,, rage and desire. I won't fuck around and talk about my trip to starbucks. I will discuss the day i got stood up with a high school lover at a starbucks. it was about an emotional day and a sex story. i will only say the high light was when i got a frog stuck on my hand and nearly wrecked the car. i have lots of stories to tell.

i don't know if anyone will read them. i'm curious to find out if i found the perfect audience to enjoy my sex exploits and failures. I don't run out of things to remember or fantasize about. this will be the explicit diary of a girl who misbehaves.

i will try to make it good. i won't do wishy washy stuff. i'll talk about the good parts. I'll tell you the best stories. i will honestly write about the way i felt and what i did. ask me questions or give me feedback. i could answer questions all day and love it. nothing is off limits. i have misbehaved since 13 and i remember the details. i can tell you stories about my past and why some men call me a slut but a lot of men call me a blue-balling cocktease.

I have stories about abuse and fighting back. i broke a lot of laws. i was a victim. i was a grown woman when i became 14. i*****lly i worked six days a week at a restaurant. i could tell you about hiding deviant friends from your academic friends in the accelerated program. i could tell you about being absent once a week. i can tell you the plays i starred in or the musicals i directed. All the stories involve sex. i can be more graphic here. i can go into detailed vivid descriptions.

i wrote a long attempt at fiction that began with a hot chick and a substitute teacher. then i put a long effort into writing my own secret sex fantasy in a short post. my c***dhood friend became a preacher. she admitted to reading tons of erotica. she critiqued me so hard. she was snide and said i weaved in and out of tenses. she said i needed an editor terribly and apologized she didn't have the time. i never attempted fiction again. i write in the stream of conscious style. i don't think and plan. i have a long story to tell about a river i used to swim. Writing for me is just like moving with a current and barely swimming at all. you just guide yourself past obstacles like trees, rocks and seaweed. Sometimes the river is too shallow. Some years it covers private docks and is too dangerous to swim.

i know i lose a lot of potential readers because most people are already thinking this is a damn long blog. you have no idea what a long blog is really like. This is just an introduction paragraph. It depends on what kind of feedback i get where this blog will go. it could just be sexual. it could become my most intimate memoirs. it could become a place to write fiction again. Of course i need an editor. I just write for the****utic passion. i could care less about good grammar. i hate breaking for 'paragraphs.' when i write they will all be one continuous block i simply only make into paragraphs to make it easier to read

when i letter **** it is an insanely large blog of writing with no breaks. my writing has a style like my art. fuck what other people think. This is a selfish act. if it never gets read i still have the adrenalin rush from writing it. it is more fun when i get feedback. i do love writing erotica. i will take special requests. i will answer personal questions in depth. i will tell my sex stories even though i don't have many. i will discuss being bi-polar. i will explain alopecia and why i wear wigs. There is pretty much no way to offend me. one guy this morning managed. he actually asked me if i would have a threesome with him and his mother. he even offered to fly to me. i blocked him of course after a fierce reprimand for being the creepiest dude i've encountered on xhamster. if you want to get my attention about a blog then post a comment not a personal message. i'm always behind answering them. if you have sent me one send a new messages to come back on a page ill still catch. i know most men will look at my face and videos and move on.

some men are looking for a woman like me. i am an artist and a writer. my new friend homero shocked me when his favorite pieces of my art hit on all my passions at once. We spent the whole night chatting and i later ****d him. he enjoyed meeting a genuine articulate chick on this site. some men want pussy and tits. i have them both and they are amazing. What i offer is something more. True contact with an honest chick that tells stories and does it well. it may not be for every guy. i only need a few men or women to enjoy my writing fact or fiction. i will do it even if they don't. i will always admit it is a selfish act. Like most blogs feel no guilt if you miss some. i write a lot. it's nearly impossible to follow me without loosing too much time. if you have time on your hands then i aim to please. it is my d**g of choice. That was the fun of going live the two nights i performed live.

men asked me what i liked sexually. i got off telling them what i wanted. i knew it was good enough to write down when i said it. i can't remember it was all improvised acting. in school that was one of my hidden talents. my teacher was lazy and we rarely played games involving improved acting. we did improve games when we were being supervised by principles. i had fun with it. i was good. going live has that same real fast action response. it's easy. you just have no memory of what you said. i wish i had a working recorder with audio in synch. then i could just try to give the same improvised speech about what i like in men. so that was my introduction. Blog number one. i'm going to try and reclaim an old way i titled blogs. i chose three words or phrases that started with the same level. it eats time but some things like an introduction blog deserve the effort. Now that you know me better i will write a truly sexual blog about what qualities i like in a man. i will explain what im looking for. i will talk about the funny trip to become a camwhore. I'll took about how i intend to do things differently. i will ask for advice. don't think im one of those girls that will draw you in, give you pleasure and then give you a sob story to send her money because of an 'emergency.' i don't scam men. i would go starving in the street before i would solicit money. i intend to be legit service for pleasure received. just because i except tokens doesn't mean most of the show is free for friends. i am doing this for friends to get off. new men are just having to compete with old friends and men who dominate a live show.

some men enter my inner circle. sometimes we don't have cam sex. most men wait until the time is right for both of us when they become a creature in my forest. My pasture land is getting cleared and fenced. i'm just not ready to let in the barn a****ls yet. i need some damn cows, pig and goats. i will embrace the men who are only interested in sex. This is george orwell's a****l Farm. life will be a struggle to juggle a forest and a pasture. i think about my economic crises and realize i have to make sacrifices. i still don't know if i'll do a ahow tonight. maybe it is time for a break. if you want more writing leave a comment. if you want to tell me the dude that says men are only interested in ass and pussy then tell me.