The fluidity of dominance v. submission in sex.

(this post discusses the role of dominance and submission in an equal sexual relationship. Those who are part of a BDSM lifestyle have a different approach and derive pleasure in different ways, so I hope I offend no one. Although everyone can benefit from a little role reversal now and then.)

If my last post was read, than you are aware of my adorable FWB's first time pegging, which I was lucky to be a part of. The evening began concerned completely with her pleasure, I truly had nothing on my mind other than her. I tied her up and went from light caressing to deep anal sex and toys, all with her pleasure in mind. The evening ended with her fucking me with a strap-on much to my pleasure. Quite the role reversal in the span of a couple of hours.

While her being being tied up, toyed and fucked would put me in the dominant category and her as submissive. Why is this, or maybe I should say, why is it important? So many people prefer to place a label on sexual positioning (in referring to roles not actual positions) and categorize themselves as dominant or as submissive. Once again, why is this. If you are dominant only doesn't the possibility exist that there are experiences being missed? From my observations (and her later comments) she was feeling a great amount of pleasure, as I was enjoying giving it. Aside from the connection that [sometimes] is provided in sex isn't the chief objective to be pleasured, to have orgasms? That's the way I've always approached any sexual activity, as a beautiful pursuit of pleasure. It is difficult to envision sex without pleasure as the primary concern, both my partner's and my own. I've never masturbated just for something to do, and I've never used sex as a distraction from something else. The woman I'm with should be as if she is the only thing in the world at that time, the complete focus on her experience and hope that she feels the same. So if it is possible to achieve great pleasure, and orgasm(s), that paragon of human physical reality by being submissive, in the control of another then there can be nothing wrong with that. There is a feeling of sweet release by not being in control, only to be dedicated to the adventure, even not always knowing what's next.

On the other hand if one categorizes themselves as submissive than isn't something missed there as well? Submission is about releasing control, allowing yourself to under the power of another. But dominance is fun too, the fun of binding (sometimes) a partner, of knowing what is going to occur. The power to give pleasure at your will and to prolong the experience at your whim. There are few things more gratifying than when she looks at you and yells 'PLEASE!' after teasing and then deciding if you are going to grant her request or if you're going to continue to draw out the sensation. A great deal of satisfaction also comes from being the cause of another's great pleasure, of watching a shaking, eye-rolling orgasm and not stopping, forcing her to experience wave after wave of bliss and knowing it was YOU that did this. Then using that person as your tool to achieve pleasure, to use her body to come and enjoying the power of it. Her openness to what you want and then taking it as many times as you want to. That is the fun of dominance.

Trust is a vital component of both positions if one considers it. Being Dominant means you trust your partner to tell you what they're feeling and if everything is good. Its the trust of communication. Being submissive means that you trust that your partner is going to be good to you, to not hurt you (any more than you want to be that is..) and is concerned with your pleasure. What this leads to is that in any healthy sexual relationship, trust is key, without it there can be no relationship at all.

There are also gender prejudices in sexual positioning, men are psychologically conditioned to feel they need to be dominant and to have this challenged makes many uncomfortable. Why?? Is your masculinity tied to you being in charge of the direction of sex? How foolish. To be strong and caring, to put your partner's (male or female depending on preference) needs, either sexual or otherwise above your own, that is the height of masculinity. In many cases I enjoy being dominant, being the pleasure giver, doing everything in my power to transport a woman to a state of nirvana, however fleeting it may be. Then to do with her as I wish, make love or fuck is my choice, my satisfaction becomes paramount. But there is no denying how sexy it is to have a woman take charge, to make me her plaything, to do to her, or for her as she wishes. Hell, even to be fucked up the ass by her is exceedingly pleasurable, to have her in control, to go easy or go hard, to let you come or not. Even to watch her assume the power is psychologically exciting.

The point of this is that there should be nothing set in stone in a healthy sexual relationship. Both should feel the fun of both roles and the experiences of fluidity. To be able to tie her up, pleasure her and then use her for your pleasure and then being able to give your ass (for instance) to her is something great. An experimental sexual relationship can be a major trust building venture and can lead to a deeper connection between you and your partner. And there's nothing sexier than an intense connection in all facets of a relationship. Just my two cents. Thanks as always for reading.