Evangelical pastors and sinning…
Hillsong Church, one of the largest evangelical megachurch organisations in the world with over 30 huge congregations around the world, is in the news as it implodes amid allegations of sexual misconduct by its leaders, pastors, and founders. This is barely news these days, as we have become inured to lurid tales of “men of the cloth” failing to practice what they preach. Why are so many of those who threaten eternal damnation so often exposed as sexual predators?
I think it goes way back - there are so many tales of the preacher and the organ lady that they contain a kernel of truth. In my own experience, evangelicals are deeply conflicted about sex. From c***dhood they are indoctrinated that sex is something mysterious and taboo, never to be mentioned or experienced until suddenly on the wedding night it becomes holy, but only in the context of missionary position, in the dark, strictly for procreation and the wife should be submissive to only her husbands needs regardless of her own pleasure. That, my friends, amounts to classical grooming.
I first encountered this attitude in high school, where I found that Baptist girls would let you fondle their boobs and kiss, but were strict about keeping their knees together and would touch my dick but wouldn’t kiss it. It wasn’t until my college years that I found a 21 year old Pentecostal named Susie who was already married and divorced who would go to bed with me, but only at night without any lights on. I never did figure out if she was ashamed of her own nudity (not that she had anything to be ashamed of!) or of seeing me nude. She admitted that she had been a virgin until her wedding, so she had a lot of time to make up. But when she started talking about feeling guilty about fornicating unless we got married, I went elsewhere…
I once found another evangelical “friend” on Craigslist, who answered my “M4W” post enthusiastically wanting an affair. She was married as was I, with a six year old daughter. She would only come to bed wearing a nightgown, was ashamed of being nude as well though I did convince her that daytime sex was possible. She had only been with her husband she claimed since high school, and we broke up when she filed for divorce from him expecting me to do the same. She then took up with a professor of church history at a Baptist seminary, who had barely kept his job after his own divorce. Apparently serial adultery is OK, evangelical doctrine having complicated reasoning that Jesus’s absolute proscription about divorce permitting the “born again” a loophole that allows them to have multiple spouses as long as they are consecutive not simultaneous?
All this brings me to the scandals which continually rock the evangelical world as their leaders who have groomed their flocks about the forbidden land of sex are constantly exposed as the horny bastards they are underneath the designer suits they preach in. Having trained their women to be subservient in every way to those fortunate to be able to preach by virtue of having a penis (no women allowed in the pulpit!) it’s no wonder that they take advantage of their flocks of ewes, who provide their mansions, Mercedes and mega churches. After all, Gawd has shone His grace on them by bestowing fame, riches and success upon them so when it’s time for the Wholly Ghosted to take their women to heaven, just lie back and let Saint Peter visit the cavern of flesh that awaits the preacher’s Rod of Aaron!
A wise old retired Georgia preacher once explained to me what he learned in seminary; “If a minister’s sermon every other week is about the evils of Demon Rum, chances are he has a problem with the bottle. If the preacher’s always talking about the sin of gambling, he just might have a problem with the dice. But if every week Pastor preaches about sins of the flesh, you can bet he and the church organist aren’t just rehearsing next week’s service…”
I think it goes way back - there are so many tales of the preacher and the organ lady that they contain a kernel of truth. In my own experience, evangelicals are deeply conflicted about sex. From c***dhood they are indoctrinated that sex is something mysterious and taboo, never to be mentioned or experienced until suddenly on the wedding night it becomes holy, but only in the context of missionary position, in the dark, strictly for procreation and the wife should be submissive to only her husbands needs regardless of her own pleasure. That, my friends, amounts to classical grooming.
I first encountered this attitude in high school, where I found that Baptist girls would let you fondle their boobs and kiss, but were strict about keeping their knees together and would touch my dick but wouldn’t kiss it. It wasn’t until my college years that I found a 21 year old Pentecostal named Susie who was already married and divorced who would go to bed with me, but only at night without any lights on. I never did figure out if she was ashamed of her own nudity (not that she had anything to be ashamed of!) or of seeing me nude. She admitted that she had been a virgin until her wedding, so she had a lot of time to make up. But when she started talking about feeling guilty about fornicating unless we got married, I went elsewhere…
I once found another evangelical “friend” on Craigslist, who answered my “M4W” post enthusiastically wanting an affair. She was married as was I, with a six year old daughter. She would only come to bed wearing a nightgown, was ashamed of being nude as well though I did convince her that daytime sex was possible. She had only been with her husband she claimed since high school, and we broke up when she filed for divorce from him expecting me to do the same. She then took up with a professor of church history at a Baptist seminary, who had barely kept his job after his own divorce. Apparently serial adultery is OK, evangelical doctrine having complicated reasoning that Jesus’s absolute proscription about divorce permitting the “born again” a loophole that allows them to have multiple spouses as long as they are consecutive not simultaneous?
All this brings me to the scandals which continually rock the evangelical world as their leaders who have groomed their flocks about the forbidden land of sex are constantly exposed as the horny bastards they are underneath the designer suits they preach in. Having trained their women to be subservient in every way to those fortunate to be able to preach by virtue of having a penis (no women allowed in the pulpit!) it’s no wonder that they take advantage of their flocks of ewes, who provide their mansions, Mercedes and mega churches. After all, Gawd has shone His grace on them by bestowing fame, riches and success upon them so when it’s time for the Wholly Ghosted to take their women to heaven, just lie back and let Saint Peter visit the cavern of flesh that awaits the preacher’s Rod of Aaron!
A wise old retired Georgia preacher once explained to me what he learned in seminary; “If a minister’s sermon every other week is about the evils of Demon Rum, chances are he has a problem with the bottle. If the preacher’s always talking about the sin of gambling, he just might have a problem with the dice. But if every week Pastor preaches about sins of the flesh, you can bet he and the church organist aren’t just rehearsing next week’s service…”
3 years ago
