The Logic Behind My Desire For Fewer Friends

The Logic Behind My Desire For Fewer Friends:

So like many women here (and probably many men) i get a fair amount of daily friend requests, most from folks that i don’t know. To recap what i already share in my FAQ Blog, i have included the text of “Q16: Why don’t you want to be my friend” at the bottom of this post. But to expand on the reasons i want fewer friends here, not more, consider the following math:

3,000 Friends: i get many friendship requests from folks with 3,000 friends or more. Let’s take just a moment to examine just how much time is available to them in a year, to interact with each of their friends. i will make a few assumptions here… a year has 48 weeks (vacation time is typically not a good time to keep in touch with friends on xHamster), a week has 5 days (assuming 2 days a week are not available for xHamster time) and a day is filled with other things like work, sleep, eating, outdoors, family, friends, etc., leaving 3 hours a day for xHamster (this is undoubtedly high for most people, but i am feeling generous).

Based on this logic, there are 43,200 xHamster minutes available in a year for a heavy xHamster user. This results in 14.4 minutes per year for this user to keep in touch with each of their friends, yes, a whopping 18 seconds per week to spend on each of their carefully cultivated friends. Really? For the user who has an hour per day, 5 times a week for xHamster, that leaves just 6 seconds per week to interact with each of their friends. Even if they had only 500 friends, this would leave just 36 seconds per week for each friend. Do You see my point?

50 Friends: Let’s look at this from the other direction. For the user with 50 friends who would like to spend 15 minutes per week interacting with each of them (seeing what they have shared, reading their blogs, composing and reading messages to and from them) they would need to spend 750 minutes per week on xHamster just keeping up with their existing 50 friends. That’s 2.5 hours per day, 5 days a week. i am exhausted just thinking about it!

So, sorry to use math to explain my feelings on this, but hopefully it will make You feel less bad about being ‘rejected’ when You extended friendship, or for being removed from my list of “friends.” It doesn’t mean i don’t like You, it just means there are not enough hours in the day for me to be a meaningful friend to You. From my FAQ:

Q16: Why don’t you want to be my friend / Why did you decline my friend request? A: This one is a long answer, that’s why it is last. There are so many reasons why i decline friend requests. Hopefully this will help to clarify.

i decline 99% of friend requests that come through from people i do not know without a message indicating why You would like to be friends with me (more than just "Hi" or "Wanna do me?"). It is important to note that any messages or comments should be left BEFORE You send me a friend request, or i might reject the invite before i hear from You! The most common reason that i reject an invite is quite simply that we do not know each other and therefore are not friends. We have had very little or no personal communication (private message or comment on one of my pics for example) and i do not know who You are. Another reason for declining a friend invite would be that You have too many friends (in my opinion) and look like a friend collector. Over 500 friends is a huge red flag to me (who has the time to keep up with that many people?), or more friends than the number of days you have been on xHam. It was once my personal goal to have fewer than 50 “friends” here (which i later modified to a more realistic goal of maintaining my friends number at 69, one of my favorite numbers), so i am very selective about which invites i accept.

If You really want to be my friend, a good start would be leaving comments on my images or blogs so i know why You are interested. i do look at profiles of people who request friendship and if i see my photo gallery or one of my blogs in Your favorites there is a much better chance that i will accept Your friendship offer. If You have no content or shared favorites that might show me we are into the same things, i will typically reject the invite. Often i receive a friend request from someone who has likely reviewed the info i share publicly, but they only share their info with friends, so i accept their invite and review what they share to see if we have interests in common, if not i immediately remove the friend connection. i will also remove friends periodically when i feel like we aren’t really communicating as regularly as friends normally due (no fault here, just neither one of us is initiating conversation), but that doesn’t mean i am not happy to stay in touch via massages here.

This brings up an interesting topic, it seems many folks on xHamster do not know that their favorites are not visible to others. To check, go to “My Links” then “Settings” to see what You are sharing with folks who look at Your profile. For example, Show My Profile, Show My Favorite Videos, Show My Favorite Photos & Galleries and Show My Favorite Posts & Stories are all set on my profile to “For All.” For images or videos You share, You would need to set the Privacy setting to “Public” for all to be able to see, or “For Friends Only” if You prefer to share the item only with Your friends.

With all this said, if i reject Your friend invite, i am not necessarily rejecting You, i am simply saying that i see no reason to be linked together as “friends” on xHamster. i may still enjoy chatting with You and keeping in touch. :-) –nadia