About

My first memory was a feeling I didn't like but didn't understand because, at four, my existence was more of an instinct than an aware conscience of my existence. However, I remember myself walking around the house, restlessly, feeling uncomfortable. It was the vibe that the loud and prolonged sound of agony, fear, pain, and sorrow produced. All I wanted was for that sound to stop. I don't know if I understood the tears of a crying woman, but I didn't feel comfortable to give comfort. I didn't understand comfort, sorrow, pain, fear, and agony, but I didn't like the feeling. The walls didn't block anything, so I went to the scene of the drama, although, I wanted to be as far as possible from there, but the unpleasant sound wouldn't stop. I don't know if the loud wales were a call for attention, or if a feeling can be, sensitively, deeply acute to make one cry out loud naturally. Now, I understand what I didn't understand as a child, however, the understanding doesn't fix reality. What gets inflicted, unconsciously, become into triggers.
How many walk pretending they're, comfortably, enjoying their role? It never starts comfortable and confident but, genes in favor of virility, help out tremendously in the face of puberty. I wasn't given that, so I've learned what the virile don't learn and can't see. None of your greatness was given by yourself, but the Nephilims have defected us. Many don't even know what they got going in them. I'm not a giant, but I see giants in the world. Hello, not lords! Who's really abusing the mercy and love of God? When we say human intelligence, we lie because intelligence is impossible without a Creator. So, the intelligence is God's. You will fall just like every ruler(giant) has fallen. Gods and goddesses, indeed? Not. You are perishable mortal beings as us.
The intrusion came to my life without any announcements after my first memory. Now everything has changed, and it has a hold on my flesh that I didn't create nor bring. Every single day and night, before going to bed, was the irresistible thought of sex. It started with breasts. Then, buttocks and legs, but my foot fetish was already there without knowing. I may have been five. I didn't ask for none of this nor brought it to myself. It just happened, and I want to satisfy and experiment all my sexual fetishes and fantasies, but I, also, want to be set free from all of it. That's why I can understand the inner conflict of homosexuals and transvestites and every inner conflict perverting our stand.There's no such thing as practices that can take one to sanctity while we still live in our earthly bodies. Our perversions and corruptions are a reality with the snake at stake in every libido and virility, but, the promotion, production, advertisement, and public market wasn't necessary. Oh well, it's happening, and it's entertaining my sick sexual isolated life. I must say, I have opened windows I wasn't searching for. Windows with categories I didn't know existed and were possible. Windows that my brain would have never occurred to think of, but I don't forget how one thing can lead to another one until, eventually, boundary lines start to fade away. Then, there's when one starts to try to blend in. No need to blend in. I don't join communities. I'm just me waiting for my flesh to perish and die to be set free. May God forgive me and grant thee in Jesus Christ's name to be set free. Meanwhile, I won't judge not even myself, but neither will I justify. Don't condemn yourselves because the baptism of Jesus Christ is for everybody regardless of sin, sex, race, belief, and religion. Now my lust and obsession in porn isn't just a waste of time and life, because I'm not ashamed to proclaim and announce the Voice of the Living Christ to our lives even in these kind of places as I kiss the bottom of my sin. Lives, are here too and live here too. In my Christianity, I have gone through ignorance, hypocrisy, and cynicism. We don't know what we are, what we do, and why we are until we hit certain faces in time, spiritually, in our lives. Some fall and some stand. Does that mean I should only praise and recognize the ones that appear to stand solid and disregard the fallen ones? Without humbleness, one can't learn and understand. I learned humbleness by falling. Why are the usurper fallen angels praised, worshiped, and admired, while the fallen humans are despised, criticized, judged, and disregarded by the world?

Matthew 9:10-13, Later, as Jesus was dining at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and sinners came and ate with Him and His disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they asked His disciples, “Why does your Teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?” On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”…

Psalm 82:6 They do not know or understand; they wander in the darkness; all the foundations of the earth are shaken.”I have said, “You are gods; you are all sons of the Most High. But like mortals you will die, and like rulers you will fall.”…

Hosea 4:13-15 They sacrifice on the mountaintops and burn offerings on the hills, under oak, poplar, and terebinth, because their shade is pleasant. And so your daughters turn to prostitution and your daughters-in-law to adultery. I will not punish your daughters when they prostitute themselves or your daughters-in-law when they commit adultery, because the men themselves go off with prostitutes and make sacrifices with cult prostitutes. So a people without understanding will come to ruin. Though you prostitute yourself, O Israel, may Judah avoid such guilt! Do not go to Gilgal, do not go up to Beth-aven, and do not swear on oath, ‘As surely as the LORD lives!’…