Some confusion with my Porn Addiction

Recent thoughts on my Porn Addiction

I have always been one to try and categorize people and myself into neat little boxes so I like labels for people and their behaviours. Until recently I have been a "closet" pornaholic and masturbator. This is something I have been keeping pent up inside of me since I was 10 (after discovering my first porn mag in my older brothers room and wanking furiously). I have only been "outed" a few times-- once by my wife a few years ago that caused our separation ----but that is a total different story for later!!!

Since joining Xham a few days ago I have been relishing in the fact that I can admit here freely that I am a Masturbator who is totally turned on by Porn -- someone who thinks of nothing else and loves that feeling of being on the edge of cumming and keeping that state of arousal for days. I feel so alive when I am like this and my cock rules my day with Porn feeding and fueling me on.
Not only can I admit to my addiction here ,but there are others here that freely talk about theirs. This has made the last few days very enjoyable and exciting. My cock has never been in a higher state of arousal and my orgasms have been totally mind blowing when I go over that edge that I have been cultivating for hours or even days!

Now as to my confusion from yesterday. I have always been attracted to certain types of porn and my first wank sessions always involved large breasted women (the type in old porn mags) and progressed to Bimbos getting totally fucked by alpha males and then I discovered shemales and so on---you know the drill ! I have always had a healthy respect or admiration for the porn studs and alpha males - their prowress with their big cocks was always something to strive for and try to copy in my jerking sessions. I have never given a hand job or blow job to a male before and have not thought of myself as bi or even as someone with gay overtones.

Last evening while watching a vid on a blog I totally got taken up with another guy jerking off. I wanted to help him cum - this was new to me and totally got me thinking about things.
This morning I asked myself if I was in a public washroom and that guy's cock (from the vid) came through a glory hole what would I do ? I did not like my thoughts at that time because my admiration was being progressed into one of Worship!

Now I know there are all types of humiliation captioned pics out there about Betas but I did not feel that it applied to me ----but maybe----I am just very confused about this whole thing.