Things I Do When No One's Around

This is just a fun silly little post about the things I do when I'm on my lonesome.
I'll possibly be revealing a little bit too much of myself here, but it's all for your reading pleasure :P

A lot of things I'm about to tell you, may either shock you, freak you out, make you laugh, or have you nodding your head and thinking, "Yep, I totally do that too."

Either way, this post is not to be taken seriously, and I hope you don't think I'm a complete nutcase after reading lol

I won't be talking about the really obvious but crude things I do when I'm on my own, like; fart, wee, poop ect, because, well, everybody does that! lol
It would be a little boring, and doesn't really need mentioning that I do those things from time to time, does it? :P

Enjoy :)

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Make funny faces in the mirror:

Whether I'm brushing my teeth, doing my hair/makeup, plucking a stray eyebrow hair, or just glancing at my image in a reflective surface - I just can't help but to pull a funny face lol
I don't know if it's just a bit of egotism or self-curiosity, but I like to see what I look like while grinning like a deranged clown, or practise my evil stare, or how cocky/smarmy I can make myself look by raising and holding a single eyebrow up and smirking.



Posing naked in the mirror:

Again, similar to the previous entry, if I'm stood naked in front of a mirror, say, before or after a shower, I just like to pose and check myself out. Sometimes I'll tense my muscles to see how toned or jiggly a certain area of my body is. Or push my tits together to see just how busty they can get. Or even turn around and awkwardly stretch my neck backwards so I can see how nice my arse is looking :P

I'm no narcissist, I'm well aware of all the little flaws I find on myself, but sometimes after I do that, I'll either be thinking, "Yeah, I actually look pretty good, all things considered :P" or other times I'll just be like, "Well... Someone out there likes what I have..." and that puts me in a good mood for the rest of the day lol



Scratch and sniff:

OK, this sounds way more disgusting than what it actually is lol
But, be honest with yourself, we've all done it at some point, haven't we? :P

I'll be sitting all comfortable and relaxed, legs wide open not caring how unladylike I may be looking, I suddenly get a little random itch down below where it's nothing but a nice couple of strokes of my nail can't satisfy... And then I hold my finger up to my nose and subtly smell it.

I'm not even aware that I'm doing it, either.
I'll just suddenly notice that clean kind of specifically sweet aroma, and I'll suddenly realise my finger is in front of my nose lol

Actually this does sound more disgusting the more I try to explain the innocence of this act lol

Sorry, but, yeah... It happens...
I actually think, evolutionary-speaking, the reason we may do this is because, subconsciously, we're checking the health of our bodies, and considering that a) I've never had an STI, and b) I take a lot of pride in the care and hygiene of my body (especially the intimate areas), so I never smell anything other than sweet, clean and healthy ^^



Shuffling cards

Totally random, but personal to me.

When I'm bored, or I need to give my hands something to do besides touch myself :P
I like to take a deck of playing cards and just shuffle them repeatedly.
I actually love playing card-games like Blackjack and Texas Hold 'Em, but considering none of my friends ever do, I just have to play with myself :(

And with no one to play cards with, and solitaire being a pain in the arse to set up, I just sit there shuffling cards...




Rock out:

Again, random but personal.

Nothing beats putting my iPod on, and just headbang and air-guitar all my cares and worries away!
Just rocking out around the room.



Dance with my cat:

And when in need of someone to rock out with, my cat just has to be hugged and danced around the room with me lol ...until she gets fed up and walks out on me lol




Host my own cooking show:

Cooking just for myself can be a real chore at times, so what better way to liven things up than to just narrate everything I'm doing like I'm talking to a camera crew in front of a live studio audience? lol

"First, we take the baguette pizzas out of the box, because it's totally too much effort for me today to buy all the ingredients separately and put it all together myself, sling it into the oven at 180'Celsius and leave for 15 minutes. You can get a variety of toppings at your local supermarket, but I like to stick with the classic pepperoni and cheese... *turns to look into the imaginary camera* I got a letter from an avid viewer of the show yesterday, who wanted to know how she could make the perfect homemade pizza for her and her family. That's a very good question, and one I simply answer with, 'pick up a phone, and order one'." :P lol



Cry:

Whether it's watching a sad movie, listening to a sad song, seeing a sad advert about animal cruelty, playing a game with a really sad ending (looking at you "Telltale's The Walking Dead"), or just because the pressures of life is getting to me, nothing like a good cry by my lonesome to get it all out :)

I never cry in front of people. At least, not intentionally, if I can help it. Blame my upbringing, but I was just wrongly made to bottle up sad emotions when I was a child, so I always find it super awkward to actually cry in front of another person, although I am OK with admitting to crying to someone if it's in the past tense. But when I'm alone? Oh boy, my waterworks are leaky as anything lol



Laugh at dark jokes:

I'm a firm believer that nothing should be exempt or censored from being made fun of.
Whether it's death, racism, rape, religion, whatever.
Nothing should be "off-limits" to being put under the scrutiny of comedy.

So that all said, when I'm on my own and I see or hear or think of a joke about a dark or touchy subject, I laugh freely at it.
If that same joke appeared while I was in front of other people, my laughter would be a bit more reserved, especially if they're the "You can't make a joke about that" pole-stuck-up-their-arse kind of humourless bores -_-

When I'm on my own, however, I feel totally free and able to laugh and enjoy a dark joke in it's entirety, like it should be :)



Miaow at my cat:

I would never do it while another person is in the room with us, but when it's just me and my cat, if she miaows at me, I'm totally miaowing back at her.

And I don't mean a cute little sounding hooman "meow" at her, no no no.
I mean a full-on, totally realistic, matching-her-exact-pitch-and-tone-complete-with-perfect-trill-of-her-own-miaow type of miaow.

And then she'll miaow back at me, and I'll miaow back at her, and it's like we have a full-blown conversation in Catinese together before she gives me a "Well said. Welp, I must get going, bye bye for now." miaow and walk off away from me.

...Yeah lol




Put crazy make-up on:

If I'm doing my makeup and I realise it's all going a little pear-shaped and askew. Instead of just wiping it all off and starting again, I'll just start going crazy lol like roughly applying a great big blotch of eyeshadow over my eyes until I look like a goth, and putting a massive-lipped smile over my mouth in lipstick like a clown, and drawing on a crazy uni-brow on my forehead before stating proudly, "There. Perfect!" lol

Only then do I wipe it all off and start again lol




Talk to the little psychiatrist in my head:

This only ever happens occasionally while I'm in the shower, oddly enough. Like, if I'm genuinely just trying to clean myself. This never ever happens when I'm having personal fun in the shower :P lol

But yeah, when I'm just purely focusing on cleaning myself, I start to talk out all of my problems and answering questions the little psychiatrist in my head asks me like, "What was your childhood like?", "Why do you think you go quiet when in a large group of conversing people?"

Christ, I just realised how insane that makes me sound :s haha

I'll understand if you no longer wish to know me after reading that :3 lol



Plan out how I'd survive...:

This applies to all manner of scenarios I think up for myself.

I like to just imagine being put into various scenarios and planning out what I'd do and how I'd survive, say, a zombie apocalypse, being trapped in a brutal barbaric 'fight-or-die' prison, a plane/car/train crash, someone attempting to murder me, etc.

And I do it for fun :P lol



Make up (and practise vocally) my own proverbs:

I just like to sound off my own, wise-sounding proverbs.
Usually I only ever come up with stuff that other people have said much better than me and much longer before I ever thought of it, but still, like it is said, "She who does not make up her own proverbs, is doomed to repeat someone else's."

Hey, wait! That was pretty good considering I literally just thought of it right at that moment of writing this entry :P lol