The dead shall inherit the earth

on certain days I consider death
and what it might be like.

more so the actual process of dying, I suppose,
than what comes next, since I am
fairly certain that entails basically
nothing.
you are simply buried in the
ground or burned
to ashes and you
know nothing of it. you are asleep
with no dreams.

it’s the act, though, the final act of
one’s life that sparks my interests
on certain days.
I wonder what it feels like when
your life is ebbing from your body.
what sensations are experienced.
is it different to die slowly from, say, cancer,
than it is to die quickly, say, from a gunshot to the temple?

do you know that you’re dead?
is there one lingering moment in which
the recognition of the end is apparent, regardless of the
circumstances?

I have been close to death.
not physically, in the sense, but mentally
there was one occasion during which my only
thought was, you are about to die.
I had just gotten hit by a semi
on the interstate.
before I knew it
I was being pushed down
the road
perpendicular to the grill
of the semi.
looking out the window
to my left,
I saw the truck barreling me down
the road.
braking,
the driver sent me
spinning uncontrollably
in the middle of a busy
interstate, completely
out of control.
I knew that one
of the many cars
that were roaring down the road
and had been unable to stop after
seeing this gruesome sight
was certainly about to clip me and
send me to my death.
and you know what?
its true what the say – your
life does sort
of pass in front of your eyes.
or, more precisely,
the moment seems to last for minutes,
rather than the brief seconds that actually
encompass it, and you sort of consider
your life and what transpired during it,
for good or for ill.

now
on certain days
I wonder…would I know
if I had died?
am I dead now?
was I wrong about death?
maybe there is a hell, and this is
it. maybe I died that day,
and every moment since has been
a moment in this
hell.
I wouldn’t be surprised.