Day 3

Hmmm. Missing my friend, but realising that she meant much more to me than I did to her which makes me sad.

Looked back on our chats over the last year and cannot believe that it's so easy for her to shut the door quite so firmly.

Background - This is a person who I dated MANY years ago, we lived together for a while but she started seeing someone behind my back and we split.

She contacted me through another social site, we started chatting and eventually met up.  The years had been much kinder to her than me (we hadn't seen each other for over 30 years!).

She would come to the town where I live and visit me at work (I work in an office on my own on the third floor, so very private once the door was locked). Initially nothing happened but we seemed to hit it off very well and a kiss turned into a cuddle, and cuddle to caress and caress to making love.  

I'm married, she was (when we first met up again) married but she split from her husband and moved out.  I started visiting her, sometimes when I was coming back from a business trip, sometimes when I was coming back from dropping off my daughter at her college, sometimes when I was supposed to be out playing darts! (and she continued to visit me in my office)

The more I saw her, the more I wanted to see her, to hold her, to make love to her.

I even arranged a ficticious business trip so that we could spend a whole night together (OK, Liverpool isn't a glamourous location, but I do go there alot on business and it had to be believeable!).

I thought it was all ok, but then found I was feeling possessive - daft when I  was the married one and she was a free agent!

I made the mistake of telling her this and it was like I had poured a bucket of ice cold water on our relationship - all of a sudden she wanted to be "just friends".

Seemingly easy for her, not for me.  I miss cuddling her,kissing her, caressing her beautiful body, but most of all I miss her company.

All the time we were seeing each other (2 years!) I managed to hide it from my wife and k**s with no trouble but since we split I have been so miserable that my wife and k**s keep asking me what's up - I have so nearly told my wife everything on a number of occasions but what good would it do?

I know I'm a bastard for cheating on my wife, but she doesn't know and until she does it hasn't hurt her.

So, here I am back to being a sad, bored, frustrated middle aged man with a boring humdrum life and little or nothing to look forward to.

The moral of this story I suppose is if you are having an affair don't let your extra partner know how you truly feel, it'll only spoil the fun and cause heartache.

Do I regret any of it - no, not at all.  I doubt that she will give me a second thought as she gets on with her life but I'd like to think that she might miss me just a little, it makes it easier for me.