How I view friendship on XH

There are many different types of friends, from casual acquaintances to BFF's. I have friends in real life - I want friends here who offer me something that my RL friends don't. To my surprise, I've found quite a few here who do just that. Some are friends no longer (for various reasons) but I enjoyed the time when they were. Following, in no particular order, are some of my expectations of my friends here.

1. Show some interest in me. Ask me questions about my life, likes and dislikes, music, etc. I may choose not to answer but at least it tells me that you care about me. Being your friend should bring me some benefit, in addition to basking in the glow of your personality. If, after 100 or more PM's, you don't know if I have pets or what my favorite dessert is, or even what my birthday is,perhaps you should ask yourself why someone would want you as *their* friend. I know enough people in real life who are totally self-centered, I don't need more here.

2. Tell me things about you. I want to get to know my friends. I don't expect you to tell me your deepest secrets, but don't just send me links to songs. Or at least tell me why you chose that song to send.

3. Be a kind and decent person. If you're sexist, racist, homophobic, heterophobic, etc., I don't want you as my friend. If you actively support someone who is some or all of those things, I don't want you as my friend. At present, there is one exception to that last condition. I don't expect there will ever be another.

4. Have a sense of humor. Most people love to laugh and I'm no exception. Even more than laughing, I enjoy making people laugh. (Hmm, replace "laugh" with "cum" and you've got my attitude toward sex, LOL). See what I mean? If I can't figure out what makes you laugh, help me to do so (again, replace "laugh" with "cum", LOL again). Tell me a joke or describe a cartoon, etc.

5. Bring up topics for discussion. Don't just respond to my questions. I don't consider myself the world's best conversationalist. Help me out. As we get more comfortable with each other, conversation will flow more easily.

6. Other than rule number 3, I'm not easily offended. Asking me what I do with my wife in bed won't get you an answer...but it won't offend me. Unless you keep asking.

This list is a starting point. I may change it or add to it as I think of additional things.

Published by talonequ

10 years ago

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talonequ Publisher 9 years ago

I'm not good, I'm just drawn that way, LOL. With apologies to Jessica Rabbit.

talonequ Publisher 9 years ago

Care about your friends' feelings. If you inadvertently hurt a friend, find out why, apologize, and find a way to fix it. True friends in real life are your most important assets and same is true here. Don't squander them needlessly

talonequ Publisher 10 years ago

to nightskies : Now, now, no false modesty. Your intelligence is legendary; your warmth only slightly less so - but still, well-received by those of us fortunate enough to experience it.

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nightskies 10 years ago

to talonequ : You are more than welcome, and thank you for your kind words regarding whatever intelligence and warmth I may possess. I can see how the idea came about and I too have dealt with people who have no interest in actually being friends and instead want to gather a 'reputation' or some such. I agree, the 'to the point' structure lends itself to clarity. All in all an excellent piece.

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talonequ Publisher 10 years ago

to nightskies : Thank you for your kind words. Coming from a man of your intelligence and warmth, it means a lot. The idea for it came to me as I was barely awake one morning, thinking about some wall posts I'd seen the night before, and about "friends" who show minimal interest, if any, in me. I've thought about adding some detail but I think the bare-bones structure gets the point across.

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nightskies 10 years ago

Most excellent post Tal, and every word of it is absolute truth. Perhaps if more people had this kind of mentality on here this site would be a kinder and more polite place, not to mention a little bit more genuine. This should be required reading for anyone that wishes to forge meaningful friendships on here, I know I for one added it to my favorites. Much as other replies have stated, hopefully the more people add it, the more this post will have an impact.

talonequ Publisher 10 years ago

You're always welcome here - stop by anytime.

talonequ Publisher 10 years ago

Good to know. Take a look up above at #2. I know we're not friends but, for me, there's no such thing as TMI. The hardest thing at my age is remembering what I've been told. LOL. I like knowing things about the people I talk to - just ask Lauren, she knows me quite well. You will never annoy me by telling me things about yourself - as long as they're true.

talonequ Publisher 10 years ago

OMG - do you ever get some time off??

I suppose I'd better double-check - several days ago, I replied to your comment and added some replies to some comments on the photos. I know I hit reply because I double checked so I didn't YGM you. Did you take a look over there or has your mind been otherwise occupied?

talonequ Publisher 10 years ago

If you're actually concerned that too much info is now posted on my page, I can delete both your comment and my response. The last thing I want is for you to be uncomfortable what you've said on a page in my control. And I'll do my best to forget what you've told me, LOL.

talonequ Publisher 10 years ago

What you've shared is safe with me. Your use of slang was unexpected so you needn't denigrate your English. Off to lunch. Enjoy your day.

laurrren 10 years ago

to talonequ : her English is better than LOTS of native English speakers.

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laurrren 10 years ago

I love that you just used the word "ain't"

talonequ Publisher 10 years ago

1. Don't ever say I never did anything for you. LOL:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztnM-RWurpk

See what can be learned in one brief message - I now know that you're probably Polish, that you have a younger sister, you've confirmed that TENG is your favorite movie, and, as I already suspected, your English is so good that you'd rather watch a movie in English than dubbed into Polish. Small talk chit-chat can be useful - if you hadn't sent the last comment, I would never have known to have found you the whole movie.

I hope you have a great day.

talonequ Publisher 10 years ago

sorry, "in her profile" not "i her profile"

LOL - Luren.

talonequ Publisher 10 years ago

Surely that doesn't surprise you, LOL. In addition to what she's said about you in PM's, this is in a blog i her profile. You haven't commented on it so, perhaps, you haven't seen it:

"K - I'll never forget the reason we were brought together in the first place. You were my first close female friend here, and I love that we have so much in common. You are amazing, intelligent, and beautiful - never forget that."

So, you have it in writing. Print it out and have her sign it.

When I posted the "supposed to be dead" line on your wall, she had no idea what I was talking about so I explained the scenario to her and sent her this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhWZIyJB-4U

talonequ Publisher 10 years ago

At the risk of disagreeing with you, I don't think that not chit-chatting on walls makes you a shitty friend. Every friendship has it's own rules and customs and, as long as you and your friends work out what is expected of each, and you and they succeed in meeting those expectations, then you're good friends. It's when those expectations aren't met that the friendship suffers or fails. I like to get to know my friends and that, at least for me, takes some conversation. It's hard to know how to support someone without knowing their needs and fears but perhaps you have ways of doing so that I don't. If so, more power to you. You must be doing something right because Lauren speaks very highly of you and that counts for a lot.

BTW, you never did tell me what was in that link that I couldn't get to work.

talonequ Publisher 10 years ago

to hamsterdamnation : It is Ryk, is it not? Yes, I am a giraffe fan. A full grown male giraffe can reach nearly 7 meters and our total accumulation of snow this season was only about 3 meters. That said, giraffes don't to well in our very cold winters and the three we have at the nearby zoo are kept indoors until the weather warms.

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talonequ Publisher 10 years ago

to DanielPortenio : Close, but not quite. I had been friends with Olla who introduced me to Curt. He put me in a few Curtoons so I created a Wanted Poster in his honor. I sent it (or tried to send it) to all of his friends at that time and you were one - Sassy and Leslee were others that I met that way.

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DanielPortenio 10 years ago

to talonequ : You and me are friends of Sassy, that's the original reason for crossing paths. Some people came to my list from Sassy's and Leaflee's, and some of them are our mutual friends.
I can't believe that about one year ago, before the publication of @rodent1's "Xhamster at Xmas", I hadn't met the people, including you, who are in the very small group of my xH friends...

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hamsterdamnation 10 years ago

I know you have a giraffe...no, you have a friend who is thinking that you like giraffes as pets.
Wondering about the life of a giraffe in the snow you had this year.

talonequ Publisher 10 years ago

to DanielPortenio : Buenas noches, Daniel,
I wouldn't really call them rules or requirements but rather guidelines. Strong guidelines, LOL. Thank you for the kind words. I looked at your friends list and was surprised at how few we have in common, considering how often our paths have crossed.

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DanielPortenio 10 years ago

After reading your excellent post, Tal, revised th list of my 70 friends, some retired, and counted 17 who meet your requirements, save for a man who doesn't comply with the third rule but understands reasons and follow advices related with common decency.
Thanks for your contribution, it will be with my favourite posts.

talonequ Publisher 10 years ago

I'm glad you liked it and found it useful. I hope others do as well.

How are you feeling? Wasn't yesterday a day off for you? Or was that today?

laurrren 10 years ago

Fantastic blog post. Being a friend should be a two way street. Great job.