Loseing my virginity

my ex would say things like
oh baby im gonna give it to you so hard, it's gonna hurt, your gonna scream
you know shit like that
he pulled his dick out and I tried so hard not to laugh
his dick was fucking three inches!!!
it couldn't even penetrate lol
so technicly im still a virgin
lol
and his dick stank, and he kept trying to make me suck it
needless to say it was most unsatifying
we borke up and haven't talked since and im okay with that
so losing my virginity wasn't magical or life changing
it was utterly hilarious