Is gay and shemale porn going to be enough?
I am a married, bisexual man who is in the closet. If I am totally honest,I am definitely more gay than bisexual. It has been many, many years since I have sucked a cock, but I think about doing it constantly.. In an effort to satisfy my desire for cock and relieve my frustration, I created an online alter ego named Kendra Clarke to play here online. I really enjoy cyber sex and enjoy chatting with other users here. In addition, I watch a lot of gay and shemale porn, suck on my dildo and eat my own cum as I fantasize that my cum in someone else's.
Is this going to be enough for me? My wife is extremely religious and conservative. She would never participate in my desires even in a roleplay situation. Lately the answer seems to be no. I am happiest watching vay an shemale porn and my cock gets harder than it ever does when I watch straight porn. I have gone so far as to set up a profile on a gay hook-up site and I have met as some nice people, but that is a far as I have gone so far. The question is how long can I go on leading this double life?
Is this going to be enough for me? My wife is extremely religious and conservative. She would never participate in my desires even in a roleplay situation. Lately the answer seems to be no. I am happiest watching vay an shemale porn and my cock gets harder than it ever does when I watch straight porn. I have gone so far as to set up a profile on a gay hook-up site and I have met as some nice people, but that is a far as I have gone so far. The question is how long can I go on leading this double life?
2 years ago
How many years down the road are you, and do you now have a fa m ily together?
I am interested that your preferences here in terms of videos etc seem to indicate you like the territory of SPH and sissification, though these are not necessarily overlapping areas. You posted a video of yourself masturbating. I suspectyou may have been surprised by the responses to it. Many positive comments about your ejaculation and hardly anything humilating about size. I looks to me that you are in the bottom 20% of dick sizes but certaily nowehre near micropenis territory. You have a penis that is physically capapble of satisfying a woman.
The other question is your interest and orientation. When you have a small penis, it can be something that dominates your life. It is a hard secret to hide if you play team sports or use a gym. Some guys will actually fluff themselves so they have a semi erect small cock in the showers and that doesnt look as small as the natural soft dick. Others avoid team sport sitruations with communal showers because of their sense of shame and inadequacy. That happens even when other boys don't pay attention to it. You feel embarrassed either way, because it is an unspoken presence that you have a small dick and that the other person is being kind to you by not mentioning it. That makes you feel doubly humiliated because there is nothing worse to undermine a person's ego than pity.
Over time, personal internal turmoil leads to your becoming obnsessed with penis size and liking the sight of men with large cocks. These are men in the top 20% who are confident in themeleves purely because of nature's bounty. But to them, avergage guys are inferor too, so in a way they make you feel more average. You are just a degree of smaller than the big guys. You feel less alone.
All of that can lead you to fetishize the large penis and want to suck it, perhaps even take it in the ass. You are more attracted to penises than men. You would happily go to a public toulet and suck a bunch of random cocks in a glory hole. That turns you on. You dodn't necessarily want a relationship with any of the men who own these penises. You have a penis fetish and that is not the same as being gay.
As far as what to do about your relationship with your conservative religious wife, the question for you is within the relationship, are you lying all the time? Are you open abouit your porn preferences, or do you pretend to be religious and conservative too, even though you are not?
If you are deceiving her in so prfound a way, you are creating quite a mess and quite a waste. How is there room for love ?