Cunnilingus 101: What You Need to Know
What are men so afraid of? Get your head in the game!
Whether itâs Junior Soprano or DJ Khaled, heterosexual cisgender men are scared to give head. In fact, statistically, women are twice as likely as men not to get head from their partner. But why? Unfortunately, itâs cultural and deeply ingrained.
Men have been trained to think cunnilingus is emasculating. According to Shannon Chavez, PsyD, a certified sex ther****t, the perception is âif you give your woman oral sex, then youâre submitting to her pleasure and youâre not as much of a man.â
Theyâre also apprehensive because vaginas have long been stigmatized as unhygienic and dirty. A new study from married dating site Ashley Madison found that 20% of women say theyâre not getting oral sex from their partner specifically because their partner thinks itâs âgrossâ or âunsanitary.â
To help men build healthier points of view on giving women pleasure orally, we need to completely start from scratch. Letâs take it from the top.
What is cunnilingus?
Cunnilingus is the act of performing oral sex/stimulation on people with/bodies with vulvas.
Why is it called cunnilingus? Why is it also called eating out?
Cunnilingus - deriving from Latin, cunnus âvulvaâ and lingere âlickâ. Eating out is a slang term that is less profane than âeating pussyâ and more playful sounding than cunnilingus. Plus, if youâve ever had the pleasure of tasting a vulva, youâd know how delicious they are!
How do you give cunnilingus?
There are many different wonderful ways to give cunnilingus. The best way to know how to do it is by asking your partner what feels best for them and how they best derive pleasure. If they are unsure (which is totally normal!) I recommend experimenting with various techniques (licking, sucking, kissing, teasing, and with rhythm, pressure, speed, toys, etc.) to see what feels best. Think of this pleasure mapping as sexy homework!
What should you do if your partner feels uncomfortable receiving cunnilingus but wants to experience it?
Talk to your partner about it. The most important ingredient to great sex is communication.
What are some cunnilingus variations and positions?
On your back, lifted - Receiver lays on their back with a pillow propping up lower back/pelvis. This angle can elicit more stimulation for the receiver while being more comfortable for the giver.
Tabletop/Doggy Style - Giver and receiver are on all fours in tabletop position while giver pleasures from behind.
69ing - If youâre into giving and receiving at the same time, try this! Both partners align themselves on top of each other in opposite directions, allowing prime access to each otherâs genitals.
Sit and kneel - The receiver sits with their pelvis at the edge of a chair, couch, bed, and comfortable surface while the giver kneels down and goes to town. Great for mobility!
On your stomach - Think a more comfortable version of tabletop/doggy style where both partners lie down on their stomachs. Pro tip: use a pillow underneath your pelvis for added stimulation!
Queening - For the confident and bold! The receiver straddles the face of the giver.
Standing - Underrated and powerful! For oral sex on the go - the receiver stands, and the giver kneels to please them.
Are there any risks or anything to be on the lookout for when giving/receiving cunnilingus?
Prioritizing your sexual health should always come first. Be sure to talk to your partner about STI testing and history before you get down to business. Of course, be sure to handle these conversations with compassion and care. Be on the lookout for anyone that doesnât respect your personal boundaries.
What are some tips and tricks for making cunnilingus even better?
Enthusiastic consent and an eagerness to please! Is there anything hotter than someone who respects and prioritizes your personal safety and wellbeing? Donât be afraid to explore the entire body and engage with other erogenous zones when performing cunnilingus (playing with nipples etc.) Toys and manual stimulation (fingers) are also highly encouraged! Practicing breathing techniques to help you stay present in the moment. The best trick is to make sure the giver and receiver are comfortable (no straining!) and ask the receiving partner what feels good for them instead of assuming.
Anything else youâd like to add about cunnilingus?
Many heterosexual cisgender women are hesitant to prioritize their own pleasure. Men are often seen as the primary receiver in sexual relationships, with women ânaturalâ givers. Itâs important for men to realize this so they can address it head-on with their partners.
People spend so much time ignoring their wants and needs because they donât believe they matter or think they will be fulfilled. Yet, our sexual pleasure is an integral part of what we do and how we relate to ourselves, and establishing a reciprocal pleasure dynamic with our partners is key to maintaining sexual health and wellbeing.
Whether itâs Junior Soprano or DJ Khaled, heterosexual cisgender men are scared to give head. In fact, statistically, women are twice as likely as men not to get head from their partner. But why? Unfortunately, itâs cultural and deeply ingrained.
Men have been trained to think cunnilingus is emasculating. According to Shannon Chavez, PsyD, a certified sex ther****t, the perception is âif you give your woman oral sex, then youâre submitting to her pleasure and youâre not as much of a man.â
Theyâre also apprehensive because vaginas have long been stigmatized as unhygienic and dirty. A new study from married dating site Ashley Madison found that 20% of women say theyâre not getting oral sex from their partner specifically because their partner thinks itâs âgrossâ or âunsanitary.â
To help men build healthier points of view on giving women pleasure orally, we need to completely start from scratch. Letâs take it from the top.
What is cunnilingus?
Cunnilingus is the act of performing oral sex/stimulation on people with/bodies with vulvas.
Why is it called cunnilingus? Why is it also called eating out?
Cunnilingus - deriving from Latin, cunnus âvulvaâ and lingere âlickâ. Eating out is a slang term that is less profane than âeating pussyâ and more playful sounding than cunnilingus. Plus, if youâve ever had the pleasure of tasting a vulva, youâd know how delicious they are!
How do you give cunnilingus?
There are many different wonderful ways to give cunnilingus. The best way to know how to do it is by asking your partner what feels best for them and how they best derive pleasure. If they are unsure (which is totally normal!) I recommend experimenting with various techniques (licking, sucking, kissing, teasing, and with rhythm, pressure, speed, toys, etc.) to see what feels best. Think of this pleasure mapping as sexy homework!
What should you do if your partner feels uncomfortable receiving cunnilingus but wants to experience it?
Talk to your partner about it. The most important ingredient to great sex is communication.
What are some cunnilingus variations and positions?
On your back, lifted - Receiver lays on their back with a pillow propping up lower back/pelvis. This angle can elicit more stimulation for the receiver while being more comfortable for the giver.
Tabletop/Doggy Style - Giver and receiver are on all fours in tabletop position while giver pleasures from behind.
69ing - If youâre into giving and receiving at the same time, try this! Both partners align themselves on top of each other in opposite directions, allowing prime access to each otherâs genitals.
Sit and kneel - The receiver sits with their pelvis at the edge of a chair, couch, bed, and comfortable surface while the giver kneels down and goes to town. Great for mobility!
On your stomach - Think a more comfortable version of tabletop/doggy style where both partners lie down on their stomachs. Pro tip: use a pillow underneath your pelvis for added stimulation!
Queening - For the confident and bold! The receiver straddles the face of the giver.
Standing - Underrated and powerful! For oral sex on the go - the receiver stands, and the giver kneels to please them.
Are there any risks or anything to be on the lookout for when giving/receiving cunnilingus?
Prioritizing your sexual health should always come first. Be sure to talk to your partner about STI testing and history before you get down to business. Of course, be sure to handle these conversations with compassion and care. Be on the lookout for anyone that doesnât respect your personal boundaries.
What are some tips and tricks for making cunnilingus even better?
Enthusiastic consent and an eagerness to please! Is there anything hotter than someone who respects and prioritizes your personal safety and wellbeing? Donât be afraid to explore the entire body and engage with other erogenous zones when performing cunnilingus (playing with nipples etc.) Toys and manual stimulation (fingers) are also highly encouraged! Practicing breathing techniques to help you stay present in the moment. The best trick is to make sure the giver and receiver are comfortable (no straining!) and ask the receiving partner what feels good for them instead of assuming.
Anything else youâd like to add about cunnilingus?
Many heterosexual cisgender women are hesitant to prioritize their own pleasure. Men are often seen as the primary receiver in sexual relationships, with women ânaturalâ givers. Itâs important for men to realize this so they can address it head-on with their partners.
People spend so much time ignoring their wants and needs because they donât believe they matter or think they will be fulfilled. Yet, our sexual pleasure is an integral part of what we do and how we relate to ourselves, and establishing a reciprocal pleasure dynamic with our partners is key to maintaining sexual health and wellbeing.
2 years ago