Blockages your opinion makes my indifference stron

I hate this life. I have one hope that I can somehow create enough good karma for the next life. God hates me in this one. My only hope is probably my true purpose because everything I've ever loved and every good thing I do in this one just disappears disrespects the principal's that keep me on the earth and work to make this one a living walking talking breathing hell. I bought a elephant from tibet it's supposed to remove blockages and bring new beginnings into my world. Nothing yet just as stupid as being honest, being judged or having an opinion. But don't get my feelings are hurt. I know I am the best thing if I can just exist damn this weird shit won't unblock itself. I did it before. But they say nothing ever lasts. They are my demons. Everybody needs something to believe bmibe just didn't last forever.