I'm a Porn Widow and this is my sad, bitter s

I've been married to a Porn Addict for 20 years and he hasn't touched my in 19 of those years.
My heart broke a long time ago and now I'm just old and bitter. I'd leave him, but where would I go?
Instead, I have to listen to him every night in his Porn Cave "gooning" I guess is the word to beautiful young porn stars a third his age who I could never compare to even when I was their age. I was never pretty. (Starts to cry).
He stopped hiding it a long time ago.
I sometimes spy on his computer when he's out of the house and one of those whores he especially seems to like is someone named Bobbie Sins or Barbara Sins or Barbie Sins or something like. She's physically perfect, while I'm not even average looking, Life is so unfair,


My older sister is physically beautiful and treats me like I'm sub-human or something. Why is she pretty and I'm not? She looks like this Porn Star named Lisa Ann, a mature "MILF" who is my age, but unlike me, is GORGEOUS! God, I wish I looked like her. How different my life would have turned out. How much happier I would be. GOD, I HATE PORN!


My sister's very pretty friends look down on me too, like I'm dirt.
Men? I might as well be invisible. I just can't compare to the Perfect 10 Porn Stars they're addicted to behind their wives' and GFs' backs.

My first year together with my husband was such a happy time.
We had sex frequently and everything was good.
Then, I began to notice he seemed distant when he was inside me and trying to orgasm.
I realized later that he was fantasizing about Porn Stars in order to cum.
I wasn't enough for him,


That hurt me SOOO much. My first taste of the bitterness over his addiction that would consume me the rest of my life.
Then, the sex started to drop off and at first, I believed his excuses: working late, tired, "not in the mood."
How naïve could I have been?
He was too "tired" to have sex with me, but not too "tired" to lock himself in his man-cave to do God knows what. I only later found out what he was doing in there.

I recently found some emails of his with his porn addicted friends, referring to these whores as "Goddesses," I'm sub-human dirt, but they're "Goddesses"? I broke down right than and there and started weeping, my pain and humiliation taken to a whole new depth. Sometimes I just feel like ending it all.


To be continued.