Dear Tilly Blog
About 5 or 6 years ago I had a blog called Dear Tilly. It was sort of an adult Dear Abby. It was fun, but it was very time consuming, so I discontinued it and changed my website to what it is today. I was reading some of the old posts and I picked out a few. Maybe someone will like them. LOL.
Dear Tilly,
I've been seeing the same girl for almost 2 years. We get along great and we have a decent sex life. During our foreplay she likes to give me oral sex and is constantly asking that I return the favour. I feel very guilty because I just can't do that. I have never done it. It's the looks, the smell and the taste that turns me off. We've talk about it and we usually end up in an argument.
I don't know what to do. - Byron in New Zealand
Would you eat mine?
Dear Byron,
Shave it, wash it and close your eyes. I had a boyfriend like you once. I stopped giving him head and only allowed him to make love to me in the missionary position. After about a week our sex got really bored. So, I shaved, got some sweet smelling soap, a wash cloth and a bottle of wine. While in bed, after a few glasses of wine, I asked him to wash me. That seemed to turn both of us on. I then asked him to dry me off and I put a few drops of wine in my naval and asked him to lick it. to make a long story short, my wine drops worked their way down my belly and when we finally arrived at the target I grabbed his head and held him down and would let him up until he licked me. Before long he was chowing down and I was moaning up a storm and I was cumming and he was licking and we then made love and it was just about the best sex I ever had. After that night we never needed the wine again and we had good oral sex from then on. Try that Byron and if you feel dirty afterwards, get some mint mouth wash and gargle.
_______
Dear Tilly,
My wife and I have a healthy sex life but there is one thing missing. I just can't make myself cum when she kisses my penis. Help! - Frustrated in Canada
This is how it's done Mr. Frustrated
Dear Frustrated,
Don't quite know what to tell you. I can't suck it for you, but maybe that's the problem. She's not sucking it, she's "kissing" it. I guess I need to tell you how to teach her the proper way to give you head. LOL! Ok here we go with Blow Job 101. First let her kiss it and put it in her mouth as far as she can and slide it in and out for awhile. That should get you stiff if you aren't already. Gosh this is so easy, I don't know why she can't figure it out. Anyway, have her grab your penis and then have her put just the head of your penis in her mouth. Now with just the head in her mouth, have her jack you off. Yes, I said jack you off. Believe me, if she does it right, it will feel like your whole penis is in her mouth. If by chance that doesn't do it for you, have a hot cup of coffee nearby the next time you try it. Tell her to take a big sip and get her mouth warm and then do it. Oh I almost forgot. If you have a small penis and she can't hold it and put it in her mouth, have her use only a couple of fingers to jack you off. Duh....
______
Dear Tilly,
I have been going to a nude beach for a few years now and I really enjoy the freedom I feel when I am naked. I've only been there with one girl that I was seeing for a long time. We broke up a few months ago and now going to the beach by myself, just doesn't cut it. People look at me as if I'm either gay or a voyeur. I met a nice girl a few weeks ago and I want to ask her to go to the nude beach with me, but I'm afraid she may be a prude. She is new in town and I don't think she even knows we have a "legal" nude beach here. I remember reading on your site a few years ago that you go to a nude beach all the time, so that is why I am asking you for some advice. What would be the best way to get her to go with me? Naked in Florida, USA
Tell her that Greg will be there
Dear Naked in Florida,
You might just blow it if you come right out and ask her to go to a nude beach. I think I know what "legal" beach you are referring to. I have a friend that lives near a "legal" nude beach in Florida that e-mails me pictures all the time. It has to be the same one because he says it's the only "legal" one in Florida. The way I understand it, is the beach is on the far end of a city park with warning signs etc. and the rest of the park is a family beach. So, ask her to go to the beach with you and take her to the family area. Get as close as you can to the nude area without her suspecting anything. A cooler with a couple of six packs of beer may be useful. Anyway, after a few beers and a few dips in the ocean, ask her to take a walk with you down the beach. When you get to the nude area play it by ear. She will either be disgusted at what she sees or she will be curious. You can always tell her you didn't know there was a nude beach and act disgusted as she is. Or if she is curious you can tell her that you heard there was a nude beach somewhere, but you didn't know where it was. (Of course you will probably need to explain your not having any tan lines if she hasn't seen your arse yet. LOL!) So, if she is curious and seems not to mind to much about the nudity (most girls are curious) sit down in the sand for awhile and watch. If you play your cards right, you both will soon be nude and frolicking around having fun. If that happens, tell her to sit tight and you will go get your cooler and belongings. Before long after a few more beers you will be in the water with her copping a feel and walking around with an erection. LOL! An erection is a good ice breaker and who knows, you may be able to make love to her right there in the ocean without anyone even knowing what you are doing. Now that is one thing that really turns me on. Screwing in front of a crowd that doesn't know you are screwing! LOL!
Oh, I forgot. If she is disgusted, wait until you finally bed her and if she won't give you head, she really is a prude. Dump her.
______
Dear Tilly,
My wife has a couple of long hairs around her nipples. I've asked her several times to either shave them or wax them. She refuses to do away with them telling me they are no big deal. It kind of turns me off if we have sex with the light on or during the daytime. Do you have any suggestions? Steve in California, USA
It could be worse
Dear Steve,
I bet if she asked you to shave your hairy arse you wouldn't would you? LOL! DId you ever think that maybe her nipples were sensitive and it might hurt? Or maybe if she starts pulling those buggers out, more will grow in their place? Learn to live with it Steve and feel fortunate she doesn't have a hairy mole on her chin.
______
Dear Tilly,
My penis is only 2 inches long. My girlfriend keeps telling me that size doesn't matter. Is that true or is she lying to me? Shorty - Alaska, USA
Maybe you should find a midget?
Dear Shorty,
What matters is that she likes you the way you are. If you feel that inadequate, compensate with your next best tool, which is your tongue. Learn how to use it and use it well and I bet you will never hear a complaint about your love making from any girl.
_____
Dear Tilly,
I've been dating this girl for about a month now and our love making, in my opinion, has been good. One night last week we started to have sex and as I was kissing and holding her I felt something strange around her neck. I reached over and turned the lamp on and was shocked when I saw what she had on her neck. She was wearing a dog collar! Without saying a word she grabbed a hold of me and started being the aggressor and started to play rough. I have to admit that it was really exciting me. She then got on all fours and asked me to make love to her from behind. I more than willingly complide and she kept yelling for me to do it harder. I mean she wanted me to ram her really hard. Within seconds she was having a tremendous orgasm and was moaning and shouting my name. I couldn't hold it any longer and I came more than I have in years. Afterward she didn't want to discuss the collar. We've had sex twice since, one time with the collar and once without and she got twice as turned on when she wore it. Is this normal behavior, or am I screwing a freak? Roger in Chicago, USA
Too bad you live so far away Roger...
Dear Roger,
I'm sure you have heard the saying, "Birds of a feather, flock together". I don't know if she is a "Freak" or not, but whatever she is, you are also. Why don't you "Freak" her out by surprising her with something? If the collar was leather, get your own leather like a vest, mask or get your own collar or better yet, tie her up in bed and see how she responds. If she responds well, keep experimenting and talk to each other about it so you can get to the real nitty gritty without wasting too much time.
_____
Dear Tilly,
Ever since I was a teenager I have been infatuated by women with smooth shaved armpits. I mean it's to the point that a smooth armpit is just as exciting to me as a woman's breast. Call me a pervert or anything you want. I don't care, I love smooth armpits. My wife had smooth armpits when we got married. No, I didn't marry her just for her armpits. We've been married for 10 years and for the last couple of years she started to let them go and now she only shaves them a few times a month. So now, the majority of the time, she has stubble under her arms, which I don't like one bit. It's gotten to the point now when she wears a sleeveless dress or blouse it embarrasses me when we go out in public. I've have asked her to shave many times and she refuses, saying that no one will be looking under her arms. Do you have any suggestions on how I can get my smoothies back? Pitman in Perth, Australia
Do you like mine?
Dear Pitman,
First of all armpit fetish is a popular fetish. I just ran a Google search for "Armpit fetish" and there are 72 Google pages related to armpit fetishes. Have you ever discussed your fetish with your wife? It might help her understand your insistence on her having smooth armpits. Second, ARE YOU A MAN OR A MOUSE? If she wants to go out with bushy armpits, refuse to go with her until she shaves them. Be stubborn about it and if you have to hand her a razor, do it. Ask her how she would like it if you stopped shaving your face or stop or start doing something else that would annoy her. Most importantly be honest with her. Tell her it embarrasses you and make sure she knows you are serious.
_____
Dear Tilly,
You might find this weird or just funny but I have a mullet fetish. I love it when girls have a mullet, it really turns me on. Now I need a girl's advice.
The problem is that the only girls who wear a mullet these days are on welfare or work for Wal-Mart. It is alright for a night or two, but now I'm looking for a stable relationship, and all nice girls I've met made fun of me when I asked them to cut their hair the mullet way. Do you know how I should ask them so that they would agree? Steve in Quebec, Canada
Dear Steve,
Mullet's are so 80's-ish and butch. Asking a girl to get a mullet haircut is like a girl asking a guy to wear his hair in pigtails. If you are looking for a "Stable" relationship, try sheep. You can shear them to any style you want and maybe you can teach one how to surf.
______
Dear Tilly,
You are awesome. I would marry you if I hadn't already done that once. Woman's opinion, if you please, Tilly. What ever happened to full bushes? I was raised on Playboy's from the 1970's and loved the way they looked. Are wax jobs and razor burn the new rule of the day? Show me a real woman, not something that tries to look like a little girl! What do you think? Retro in New York, USA
Wax on, wax off
Dear Retro.
For the last 10 years the "Bush", as you call it, kept getting smaller and smaller and now it's gone. Some men like the little girl look and to some it's hygiene hangup. In my opinion it's a anti-fem thing. This is the age of the liberated women, but not all women want to be liberated. Smooth and hairless is a way to show your feminism. It's a soft and tender look and I think a complete wax will be around for a long time. I can go both ways. Sometimes it's wax it or leave it, depending on my mood.
Dear Tilly,
I've been seeing the same girl for almost 2 years. We get along great and we have a decent sex life. During our foreplay she likes to give me oral sex and is constantly asking that I return the favour. I feel very guilty because I just can't do that. I have never done it. It's the looks, the smell and the taste that turns me off. We've talk about it and we usually end up in an argument.
I don't know what to do. - Byron in New Zealand
Would you eat mine?
Dear Byron,
Shave it, wash it and close your eyes. I had a boyfriend like you once. I stopped giving him head and only allowed him to make love to me in the missionary position. After about a week our sex got really bored. So, I shaved, got some sweet smelling soap, a wash cloth and a bottle of wine. While in bed, after a few glasses of wine, I asked him to wash me. That seemed to turn both of us on. I then asked him to dry me off and I put a few drops of wine in my naval and asked him to lick it. to make a long story short, my wine drops worked their way down my belly and when we finally arrived at the target I grabbed his head and held him down and would let him up until he licked me. Before long he was chowing down and I was moaning up a storm and I was cumming and he was licking and we then made love and it was just about the best sex I ever had. After that night we never needed the wine again and we had good oral sex from then on. Try that Byron and if you feel dirty afterwards, get some mint mouth wash and gargle.
_______
Dear Tilly,
My wife and I have a healthy sex life but there is one thing missing. I just can't make myself cum when she kisses my penis. Help! - Frustrated in Canada
This is how it's done Mr. Frustrated
Dear Frustrated,
Don't quite know what to tell you. I can't suck it for you, but maybe that's the problem. She's not sucking it, she's "kissing" it. I guess I need to tell you how to teach her the proper way to give you head. LOL! Ok here we go with Blow Job 101. First let her kiss it and put it in her mouth as far as she can and slide it in and out for awhile. That should get you stiff if you aren't already. Gosh this is so easy, I don't know why she can't figure it out. Anyway, have her grab your penis and then have her put just the head of your penis in her mouth. Now with just the head in her mouth, have her jack you off. Yes, I said jack you off. Believe me, if she does it right, it will feel like your whole penis is in her mouth. If by chance that doesn't do it for you, have a hot cup of coffee nearby the next time you try it. Tell her to take a big sip and get her mouth warm and then do it. Oh I almost forgot. If you have a small penis and she can't hold it and put it in her mouth, have her use only a couple of fingers to jack you off. Duh....
______
Dear Tilly,
I have been going to a nude beach for a few years now and I really enjoy the freedom I feel when I am naked. I've only been there with one girl that I was seeing for a long time. We broke up a few months ago and now going to the beach by myself, just doesn't cut it. People look at me as if I'm either gay or a voyeur. I met a nice girl a few weeks ago and I want to ask her to go to the nude beach with me, but I'm afraid she may be a prude. She is new in town and I don't think she even knows we have a "legal" nude beach here. I remember reading on your site a few years ago that you go to a nude beach all the time, so that is why I am asking you for some advice. What would be the best way to get her to go with me? Naked in Florida, USA
Tell her that Greg will be there
Dear Naked in Florida,
You might just blow it if you come right out and ask her to go to a nude beach. I think I know what "legal" beach you are referring to. I have a friend that lives near a "legal" nude beach in Florida that e-mails me pictures all the time. It has to be the same one because he says it's the only "legal" one in Florida. The way I understand it, is the beach is on the far end of a city park with warning signs etc. and the rest of the park is a family beach. So, ask her to go to the beach with you and take her to the family area. Get as close as you can to the nude area without her suspecting anything. A cooler with a couple of six packs of beer may be useful. Anyway, after a few beers and a few dips in the ocean, ask her to take a walk with you down the beach. When you get to the nude area play it by ear. She will either be disgusted at what she sees or she will be curious. You can always tell her you didn't know there was a nude beach and act disgusted as she is. Or if she is curious you can tell her that you heard there was a nude beach somewhere, but you didn't know where it was. (Of course you will probably need to explain your not having any tan lines if she hasn't seen your arse yet. LOL!) So, if she is curious and seems not to mind to much about the nudity (most girls are curious) sit down in the sand for awhile and watch. If you play your cards right, you both will soon be nude and frolicking around having fun. If that happens, tell her to sit tight and you will go get your cooler and belongings. Before long after a few more beers you will be in the water with her copping a feel and walking around with an erection. LOL! An erection is a good ice breaker and who knows, you may be able to make love to her right there in the ocean without anyone even knowing what you are doing. Now that is one thing that really turns me on. Screwing in front of a crowd that doesn't know you are screwing! LOL!
Oh, I forgot. If she is disgusted, wait until you finally bed her and if she won't give you head, she really is a prude. Dump her.
______
Dear Tilly,
My wife has a couple of long hairs around her nipples. I've asked her several times to either shave them or wax them. She refuses to do away with them telling me they are no big deal. It kind of turns me off if we have sex with the light on or during the daytime. Do you have any suggestions? Steve in California, USA
It could be worse
Dear Steve,
I bet if she asked you to shave your hairy arse you wouldn't would you? LOL! DId you ever think that maybe her nipples were sensitive and it might hurt? Or maybe if she starts pulling those buggers out, more will grow in their place? Learn to live with it Steve and feel fortunate she doesn't have a hairy mole on her chin.
______
Dear Tilly,
My penis is only 2 inches long. My girlfriend keeps telling me that size doesn't matter. Is that true or is she lying to me? Shorty - Alaska, USA
Maybe you should find a midget?
Dear Shorty,
What matters is that she likes you the way you are. If you feel that inadequate, compensate with your next best tool, which is your tongue. Learn how to use it and use it well and I bet you will never hear a complaint about your love making from any girl.
_____
Dear Tilly,
I've been dating this girl for about a month now and our love making, in my opinion, has been good. One night last week we started to have sex and as I was kissing and holding her I felt something strange around her neck. I reached over and turned the lamp on and was shocked when I saw what she had on her neck. She was wearing a dog collar! Without saying a word she grabbed a hold of me and started being the aggressor and started to play rough. I have to admit that it was really exciting me. She then got on all fours and asked me to make love to her from behind. I more than willingly complide and she kept yelling for me to do it harder. I mean she wanted me to ram her really hard. Within seconds she was having a tremendous orgasm and was moaning and shouting my name. I couldn't hold it any longer and I came more than I have in years. Afterward she didn't want to discuss the collar. We've had sex twice since, one time with the collar and once without and she got twice as turned on when she wore it. Is this normal behavior, or am I screwing a freak? Roger in Chicago, USA
Too bad you live so far away Roger...
Dear Roger,
I'm sure you have heard the saying, "Birds of a feather, flock together". I don't know if she is a "Freak" or not, but whatever she is, you are also. Why don't you "Freak" her out by surprising her with something? If the collar was leather, get your own leather like a vest, mask or get your own collar or better yet, tie her up in bed and see how she responds. If she responds well, keep experimenting and talk to each other about it so you can get to the real nitty gritty without wasting too much time.
_____
Dear Tilly,
Ever since I was a teenager I have been infatuated by women with smooth shaved armpits. I mean it's to the point that a smooth armpit is just as exciting to me as a woman's breast. Call me a pervert or anything you want. I don't care, I love smooth armpits. My wife had smooth armpits when we got married. No, I didn't marry her just for her armpits. We've been married for 10 years and for the last couple of years she started to let them go and now she only shaves them a few times a month. So now, the majority of the time, she has stubble under her arms, which I don't like one bit. It's gotten to the point now when she wears a sleeveless dress or blouse it embarrasses me when we go out in public. I've have asked her to shave many times and she refuses, saying that no one will be looking under her arms. Do you have any suggestions on how I can get my smoothies back? Pitman in Perth, Australia
Do you like mine?
Dear Pitman,
First of all armpit fetish is a popular fetish. I just ran a Google search for "Armpit fetish" and there are 72 Google pages related to armpit fetishes. Have you ever discussed your fetish with your wife? It might help her understand your insistence on her having smooth armpits. Second, ARE YOU A MAN OR A MOUSE? If she wants to go out with bushy armpits, refuse to go with her until she shaves them. Be stubborn about it and if you have to hand her a razor, do it. Ask her how she would like it if you stopped shaving your face or stop or start doing something else that would annoy her. Most importantly be honest with her. Tell her it embarrasses you and make sure she knows you are serious.
_____
Dear Tilly,
You might find this weird or just funny but I have a mullet fetish. I love it when girls have a mullet, it really turns me on. Now I need a girl's advice.
The problem is that the only girls who wear a mullet these days are on welfare or work for Wal-Mart. It is alright for a night or two, but now I'm looking for a stable relationship, and all nice girls I've met made fun of me when I asked them to cut their hair the mullet way. Do you know how I should ask them so that they would agree? Steve in Quebec, Canada
Dear Steve,
Mullet's are so 80's-ish and butch. Asking a girl to get a mullet haircut is like a girl asking a guy to wear his hair in pigtails. If you are looking for a "Stable" relationship, try sheep. You can shear them to any style you want and maybe you can teach one how to surf.
______
Dear Tilly,
You are awesome. I would marry you if I hadn't already done that once. Woman's opinion, if you please, Tilly. What ever happened to full bushes? I was raised on Playboy's from the 1970's and loved the way they looked. Are wax jobs and razor burn the new rule of the day? Show me a real woman, not something that tries to look like a little girl! What do you think? Retro in New York, USA
Wax on, wax off
Dear Retro.
For the last 10 years the "Bush", as you call it, kept getting smaller and smaller and now it's gone. Some men like the little girl look and to some it's hygiene hangup. In my opinion it's a anti-fem thing. This is the age of the liberated women, but not all women want to be liberated. Smooth and hairless is a way to show your feminism. It's a soft and tender look and I think a complete wax will be around for a long time. I can go both ways. Sometimes it's wax it or leave it, depending on my mood.
11年前
2) RE the Mullet fetishist in Quebec, the pig tail comment made me laugh. I have to disagree with him, however. I live near Quebec (New Brunswick), and I am pretty sure there are women in that Province who do not work at Wal-Mart and are not on welfare and who still sport a mullet. yikes.