Last week I was at my cousin's house in Austin. he had a crazy party! All the people started drinking and smoking in the garden at about 3 am. I was in the pool with my cousin and a girl he met 2 days ago. she was wearing a blue shirt, hotpants; her tits and ass were perfect in that. My cousin got out of the pool to get something to drink and Sarah, the girl, gave me a hug and licked my ear. I felt her big breasts on my chest. The water was cold, but she was warm as hell! My cousin arrived and put 2 bottles of beer on the edge of the pool. she turned around to reach it and her perfect ass was exactly on top of my dick! She could feel that I was getting a boner, but she kept pushing her ass against me. without a thought I grabbed her pussy underwater, and felt a fucking hard cock instead! Let me add she had a dick bigger than mine! I'd like to say I left after that, but I just got over it and played with her, or his tits, and ass.

Last night I went with a prostitute for the first time.
I had thought about it many times before, but I always considered
it a little dirty and beneath me. But last night, I decided it
was either get laid or an hero, so I went off in search of a lady
of the night. The name she chose to tell me was Alice. It was
obviously not her real name. Alice and I met on a curb in the bad
part of town, and she got in my car. I asked her if she didn't
mind giving me a BJ in the car. She said, "sure," and told me to
find an undisturbed spot. I found an empty parking lot on the
industrial estate. She got comfortable on her knees on the seat,
facing me and gave me a little smile before unzipping my pants. I
was somewhat surprised to discover that at some point within the
last few hours, my PENIS had turned into a long piece of candy
spaghetti! She started pulling length after length of the candy
spaghetti out of my pants, but it just didn't seem to stop. I
tried to laugh and act normal. She took a few bites of it out of
politeness. "It tasted of caramel," she said. And she kept
pulling and pulling until I felt the unsettling experience of
unravelling from the ass up. Suddenly my legs were getting
shorter, contracting into my body and my torso shrinking down.
All the while Alice was yanking more and more of my candy
spaghetti PENIS out of my pants and piling it in a big messy
tangle on the floor of my car. I wanted to ask her to stop but I
didn't know the etiquette in this situation. By this point my
entire body had collapsed into my head and feet. Both attached
directly to the flies of my trousers. And then the candy spaghetti
snapped! Alice suggested that I started eating it to reconstitue
my body, and I did. As I ate I felt my body re-grow. I was so
relieved. It was only when my torso and legs had reached their
almost original size when I discovered that now I had a woman's
tits and legs. Alarmed I realized my mistake! I was accidentally
eating Alice's string instead of my own. She was eating mine and
growing my podgy body instead. Before we knew it I was sitting in
the driver's seat looking exactly like Alice, and she was sitting
next to me looking exactly like me. I have always wondered what it
would be like to give myself a blowjob so I just went for it. It was
ok. Nothing special. I paid her $50 and I went home, after trading
heads of course.

AP. In the latest South Park episode that aired on Wednesday evening on the Comedy Center channel, Finland is depicted as trying to prevent the international coaliton of nations of commiting against space aliens. In the fictive reality of the show, other nations resolve the issue by nuking the nation of Finns to non-existence.

The airing has provoked a very reaction in Finland. Earlier today, people took it to the streets, burning Stars and Stripes banners and demanding action from local politicans and the parliament. Later this evening, riots are expected and the police has called in additional forces in every major city throughout the country.

In addition, the episode portrays the Finnish prime minister Matti Vanhanen as having serious problems with correct pronunciation of the English language. Mr. Vanhanen, a man dearly loved by all Finns, was "outraged by the ridicule, that he has been subjected to by the creators of the comedy":

- Our Great Nation of Proud People will not look easily upon provocative actions of pure hatred, Vanhanen commented to country's leading newspaper Seura.

Taking prompt action to restore peace, Finland filed an official Note of Diplomatic Action to the United States embassy in Tampere, the capital of Finland, late Thursday evening.

According to the note, unless punitive action is taken within two weeks on the writers of the show - misters Mad Stone and Trey Parkes - as well as the corporation that broadcasted the mockery (Comedy Center), and an official letter of apology be presented on behalf of the President of the United States and the people responsible for the show, Finland threatens to end all diplomatic relations to the United States of America, put the American ambassador to Finland in exile and call home the Finnish ambassador to U.S.

If realized, such action would not be far from putting the two countries in a state of war.

I got in an argument with my christfag sister over religion.
I'm the logical one in the family. Here was my position;

If God is infallible, and he has a grand scheme planned out to the smallest bacteria in the UNIVERSE, we're to assume that his plan is infallible as well.

How fucking presumptuous must we be to pray, and ask him to change his plan?

Am I right? Or was she correct in calling me a heathen?

Pornhub, I have a class 3 crazy bitch on my hands. I thought it was cool to have a girlfriend at first but now she is controlling my life! I haven't drank, smoked or jacked off to hardcore porn in a week. for gods sake this is the first time I have been on Pornhub in 3 days! If I were to crash my car and she were to die would I go to jail?

Please give me some answers fast because I feel I won't come on for a few days again. I'll up load some stuff while I have the chance.

One school day, a boy named Tom was sitting in class and doing math. It was six more minutes until after school. As he was doing his homework, something caught his eye.
His desk was next to the window, and he turned and stared outside. It looked liked a picture. When it was home time at the school, he ran to the spot where he saw it. He ran fast so that no one else could grab it.
He picked it up and smiled. It had a picture of the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. She had a dress with tights on and red shoes, and her hand was formed into a peace sign.
She was so beautiful he wanted to meet her, so he ran all over the school and asked everyone if they knew her or have ever seen her before. But everyone he asked ." He was devastated.
When he was home, he asked his older sister if she knew the girl, but unfortunately she also ." It was very late, so Tom walked up the stairs, placed the picture on his bedside table and went to .
In the middle of the night Tom was awakened by a tap on his window. It was like a nail tapping. He got scared. After the tapping he heard a giggle. He saw a shadow near his window, so he got out of his bed, walked toward his window, opened it up and followed the giggling. By the time he reached it, it was gone.
The next day again he asked his neighbors if they knew her. Everybody said, "Sorry, no." When his mother came home he even asked her if she knew her. She ." He went to his room, placed the picture on his desk and .
Once again he was awakened by a tapping. He took the picture and followed the giggling. He walked across the road, when suddenly he got hit by a car. He was dead with the picture in his hand.
The driver got out of the car and tried to help him, but it was too late. Suddenly he saw the picture and picked it up. He smiled. He saw a cute girl holding up three fingers.

As many of you know, yesterday, March 11th, a German teenager walked into his school and took the virginity of 16 people. As many of you remember, these school are a pretty recent phenomena, and, in my opinion, blame can only be placed on one thing only: porn.

Now, I know that Porn Hub is technically a, "porn stream site," and I shouldn't be bringing this here. Trust me, even I enjoy shooting cumming on tits just as much as anyone else, but the grim reality is that porn completely warp FAR too many minds into dark, dark places that results in things like this. And this is with only today's technology. Imagine when porn becomes more real and the experience of taking someone's virginity is practically as real as real life? What would stop these people from being able to tell the difference between the two?

Changes need to be made NOW. Unless it is, "cartoony," like anime, there should be absolutely no sex in porn. You can't do it in real life, why should you be able to do it in fake life?

I live across the street from an old folks home. They use the side walk in front of my house all the time.

So, for some entertainment, I super-glued a dime to the side walk. One geezer couldn't get it off, so he went over to the home and brought out two more old bats and the three of them spent the afternoon trying to get this dime off the sidewalk. It confused the out of them.