About

If you see me online, it probably means that I'm either wanting to cum, am moments away from cumming, or I'm slowly going about the business of cleaning the cum off myself and haven't bothered logging off yet. In other words, I want to get off. Always.

My tastes vary, and just when I think I have a type, I get turned on by someone who's completely different.

And again, if you see me online, I'm wanting to jerk off, and that's often more fun with someone else.

YIM: salinger_jd

After shuffling the deck, somewhat, the following are my latest Top 5:

1: Bella Thorne


Good God, this girl keeps getting hotter. The first time I saw her she wasn't even a teen, and she was fucking hot. Not cute. But hot. Like a masturbatory prodigy. And one's imagination couldn't help but wonder what would happen when she grew up. Now, several years later, we found out. She's aruguably the hottest piece of ass on the planet, and what's more, I'm pretty sure she knows it. Her sexual self confidence is through the roof, and it's earned. She could walk into a hotel lobby at noon and have a stranger's cock inside her faster than I could walk into a McDonald's have a Chicken McNugget inside of me.

2: Selena Gomez

Selena Gomez is like a sexy shape shifter, who can look like a pornstar at one moment and 4th grader the next. And here's the thing I'll confess to you now, since we're being honest: I don't know which version makes my cum harder. There's something about that innocent face on top of that body. When I see her, my IQ drops about 20 points and my libido Hulks out to the point I'll wake up two hours later in ripped pants covered in my own cum. But who knows, maybe I'm covered in somebody else's cum. Like I said, she made me next level horny and I blacked out.

3: Camren Bicondova

This girl is new on my list, but holy fucking christ does she make me cum hard. I'm talking convulsing, speaking in tongues, shitting my own pants as a grown man hard. If you've never heard of her, she's the young Catwoman on Gotham, and before that she was a dancer (still is I suppose). To me, she looks like what would have happened if Michelle Pfieffer and Sasha Grey had a baby 15 years ago and home schooled it on how to make me compromise my morality. She really is a stunning beauty. And sexy. Like Bella, keep your eyes on this one.

4: Taylor Swift

I could have these measurements wrong, but I think Taylor Swift is somewhere around 7'3" and her pussy tastes like Creme Brulee and Christmas. While much has been said about her album sales, her legs alone have triggered early onset puberty among an entire generation of young masturbators, not all of whom, I might add, are male. There's no wonder she's burned through a who's who of boyfriends, each willing to put up with her shit just to fuck her. Hell, I'd suck your cock just to fuck her, and we've never even met.

5: Victoria Justice

Victoria Justice just might be perfect. She's so damned beautiful that she's kinda hard to look at straight on. And yet I manage. And here's what I see: a stunning face, world class legs, a tight ass, seriously nice tits and flat abs. She's the total package. In her body I see the doorways to a thousand churches and the resolution to all my fruitless searches. Is there any doubt her pussy feels like the combination of velvet, warm butter and God's love? And, I imagine the experience of fucking her would be like the final 15 minutes of 2001: A Space Odyssey, except with more ejaculate.