About

Online gaming fanatic, FPS gamer, 360 addict and pointless entity who feels at his most worthwhile while being weird and telling jokes, all the while maintaining a feeling of deep inferiority and unattractiveness.

I've seen all the films you've seen, read all the books you've pretended to read, watched all the TV you wanted to see but missed, and I spew spoilers like I had irritable vocal cord syndrome.

I invented dolphins, custard and bouncy castles. The alphabet, Christian burial and Santa Claus were mine, too. As an aside I proved Scientology to be the one true religion and also believe that mating inner-city children with Pandas will create a new breed of knife-wielding Ursidae who already have black eyes and a penchant toward bar fights.

In 2014 I hope to become the new head of the UN, ban Christmas for poor people, and take my rightful place as President of the USA.

Music: QotSA, Elliott Smith and early nineties grunge/rock.

Authors: Iain Banks, China Mieville, Conrad and Dostoevsky.

Films: Dead Man, Apocalypse Now and Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy.