About

Im married in a sexless marriage. I am a closet crossdresser, a sissy trapped in a man's body. I love dressing up for a man. Ive lost all interest in girls, except that I want to be one. Sexually, Im now attracted to men exclusively.
I started as a child with dressing and being submissive to other boys, being ‘a girl’ for them, being used by them as a girl, being a sissy. That lasted until I was about 15 and the boys who were using me discovered real girls and had no use for me, and were probably afraid of being called fags if they kept seeing me. So I tried to be ‘normal’ too, dating girls and being married twice. I suppressed my sissy feelings, never acting on them except in masturbation fantasies. Been married twice, my second wife was wonderful for awhile until she went thru a harsh menopause 15 years ago and totally losing any desire for sex. The less sex I had with her, the more I masturbated, sometimes 5-6 times a day. In all of those masturbation fantasies I never was thinking of girls, instead I was always the girl and always being used by men, doing any filthy thing I was told to do. Soon I was buying my own lingerie, panties and girly things and dressing every chance I had to be alone. Masturbating furiously while wearing them, inhaling poppers and sinking farther into a dreamy world where I was finally a girl. I started meeting men on Craigslist, being cautious, meeting only married men feeling they were safer and cleaner.The first man I was with-first since I was 15- was an IBM executive who I met in his office. I was in man clothes with panties and stockings and bra underneath and he told his secretary not disturb us we had an important meeting. As soon as he locked his office door he had me strip down to just panties, stockings and bra and we made out on the couch for over an hour. I did everything he wanted me to do. As he pushed me to my knees I didn't hesitate. I sucked him for at least half an hour and let him cum in my mouth. It was the first time I ever did that since I was 15, and never a grown man. I'd never been with a man before. As I did it for him I wanted it not to end, felt like I was doing what I should be doing. I felt dirty, felt like a submissive whore. I also felt his hand on the back of my head the whole time I sucked him, felt him petting me, holding by my hair moving me up and down on his cock. Felt his other hand pat my panty covered ass, remind me of my near nakedness in front of him. He brushed his fingers up and down the crack of my ass as I serviced him.
When he came I started to pull away slightly. The taste of him all over the inside of my mouth, the sudden spurt, he held my head with both hands. As he came in huge spurts he just sat still, didn't move as I did my best to swallow. He used his hands to move my head up and down on him, held me tightly in place, one hand up under my chin. He filled my mouth. When he finished he patted my ass. There I was on my knees, pleasuring him and swallowing his cum. I sucked him off three times that afternoon. It was exciting knowing his secretary was 20 feet away on the other side of the door. I spent a weekend when my wife was out of town with a wealthy farmer who dressed me as his wife-in her nighties and wig-and I handled all the wifely duties that weekend! I was in heaven! Since then I mainly dress alone and masturbate, afraid of the scandal of an affair. I’m retired and wife works so most days I am in my basement office dressed in lingerie and wig, inhaling poppers and masturbating while I watch and read sissy porn. Once or twice a year tho, the urge gets too strong and I seek out a real man for a short physical encounter. I love my wife but it's like the love for a sister, there is no sexual attraction to her. Or for any woman or girl for that matter, inside I am all girl, I just hide it from her. I even hide my submissiveness from her. But inside I am that submissive bitch who yearns to be used, mentally and physically by a real man, to be on my knees, on my back, on my hands and knees...I still masturbate at least 4 times a day. I'd love some online friends, penpals and chatfriends to masturbate with.