What if I'd stuck with being gay instead of b

Ok, I've got a confession. In my late teens and early twenties I felt like I was 100% gay. I'd met a guy in my first year of uni and I ended up in a relationship with him for a while. Although it was on and off again for a few years. All in all, he didn't treat me very well and was kind of an asshole to me most of the time. But he just had this incredible hold over me and he knew how to use it.

I'm not really sure of why I'm bothering to post this other than I think about this time in my life a lot. I've met a lot of guys since then but he was the only guy that ever made me feel like I really, genuinely was owned by him. I literally did anything and everything he wanted me to do. We share a room together in a shared flat for about 2 years while we were studying and he'd bring other guys back there all the time. I was never allowed to complain about it.

It was at a time in my life where I very much struggled with my sexual identity. I REALLY didn't feel comfortable with letting people know that I preferred fucking guys. He was the opposite and he used to love making me feel as awkward as possible. His favourite party trick was to passionately kiss me in front of others and openly grope me at the same time. It became a running joke amongst our friends at the time. On the one hand I loved it because he was VERY good at it and I'm very much an exhibitionist. But on the other hand, a few of our friends were very anti-gay and that good very unpleasant at times.

Anyway, just was thinking about this today for some reason.