My Coulrophilia
FYI: *Coulrophilia is the paraphilia involving sexual attraction to clowns, mimes and jesters. The most likely reason behind this is because of lack of c***dhood, but some say the attraction is because the person behind the face paint could be anybody that you may or may not know.*
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Well, I never went to the circus or anything as a k** because my mom hated clowns. She despised them with a passion, so we never went. I feel like that might influence it a little. I always liked clowns.
It didn't really start out with clowns, either. I was really attracted to a lot of jester characters in video games, starting with Fargus from an older PC game called Pandemonium, followed much later by Kefka Palazzo and Cicero. After I realized that I had a thing for jesters (which still usually falls under clown paraphilia, IIRC) and narrowed it further down to what I liked about them, I realized the same applied to clowns. That was when I was about 15.
Another big part that sort of contributed were haunted houses that pop up around Halloween, believe it or not. Since coulrophobia is so common, there are normally a lot of clown characters and clown rooms everywhere, and since I'm a young female, usually their "scare tactic" was to flirt with me (which never made any sense anyway).
Unfortunately, that never really worked. My first, most vivid memory of being attracted to any actual clown character was being around 15 or 16 having one sneak up behind me while I was waiting in line and whispering, "Wow, pretty girl, I could just eat you up!" before laughing and running away honking a bicycle horn. It startled me, but... sploosh.
Since then, obviously, it's just exacerbated, but that's definitely how it began to develop.
FAQ:
Q: What do you find most attractive about clowns?
A: A couple things! I'm really into the humiliating aspect of it, first of all. Clowns are going to make fun of you and everything you do and every sound you make. They're going to embarrass and degrade you even if they're not being intentionally hurtful -- I really like that.
Another part of it is just the lack of seriousness. They're going to giggle and laugh and never get nervous because everything is a joke to them. I'm a nervous, introverted person by nature, so maybe that has something to do with it.
There are a lot of things I find attractive about them and about what the experience would be like, but I think those two things are primarily what it would boil down to.
Q: did "class clowns" (not literal clowns but the guys always making jokes) in school attract you? How much compared to a face painted real clown?
A: A little bit, but not to the same extent. With a "class clown" there's still the element of degradation, but the anonymity of the face paint and the same "silliness" and obnoxiousness isn't there.
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Well, I never went to the circus or anything as a k** because my mom hated clowns. She despised them with a passion, so we never went. I feel like that might influence it a little. I always liked clowns.
It didn't really start out with clowns, either. I was really attracted to a lot of jester characters in video games, starting with Fargus from an older PC game called Pandemonium, followed much later by Kefka Palazzo and Cicero. After I realized that I had a thing for jesters (which still usually falls under clown paraphilia, IIRC) and narrowed it further down to what I liked about them, I realized the same applied to clowns. That was when I was about 15.
Another big part that sort of contributed were haunted houses that pop up around Halloween, believe it or not. Since coulrophobia is so common, there are normally a lot of clown characters and clown rooms everywhere, and since I'm a young female, usually their "scare tactic" was to flirt with me (which never made any sense anyway).
Unfortunately, that never really worked. My first, most vivid memory of being attracted to any actual clown character was being around 15 or 16 having one sneak up behind me while I was waiting in line and whispering, "Wow, pretty girl, I could just eat you up!" before laughing and running away honking a bicycle horn. It startled me, but... sploosh.
Since then, obviously, it's just exacerbated, but that's definitely how it began to develop.
FAQ:
Q: What do you find most attractive about clowns?
A: A couple things! I'm really into the humiliating aspect of it, first of all. Clowns are going to make fun of you and everything you do and every sound you make. They're going to embarrass and degrade you even if they're not being intentionally hurtful -- I really like that.
Another part of it is just the lack of seriousness. They're going to giggle and laugh and never get nervous because everything is a joke to them. I'm a nervous, introverted person by nature, so maybe that has something to do with it.
There are a lot of things I find attractive about them and about what the experience would be like, but I think those two things are primarily what it would boil down to.
Q: did "class clowns" (not literal clowns but the guys always making jokes) in school attract you? How much compared to a face painted real clown?
A: A little bit, but not to the same extent. With a "class clown" there's still the element of degradation, but the anonymity of the face paint and the same "silliness" and obnoxiousness isn't there.
6 years ago
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