Pro-Dommes/Faux Dommes: Who ARE These People?!
OK, WTF is up with all the wannabe dommes who've suddenly discovered xHamster? Has the site been publicized on some DarkNet BBS out there for lame sex workers? Can we please have a moratorium on additional faux dominatrices coming here to scam poor unsuspecting n00bs?
First off, how many of these self-proclaimed dommes are verified xHamster users? Pretty much... none. Seeing how quite a few have been shown to be using stolen photos, it makes one wonder whether any of these VirtuaDommes are whom they claim to be. PLEASE! If you feel compelled to send your hard-earned cash to any of these... people, insist upon a brief cam2cam session first. At the very least, have her send you several photos in which she poses according to your request. (And not just a single image where she holds a sign reading "Hi, [YourNameHere]!" -- unless you feel competent at telling the difference between an authentic photo and one with text added later.)
Second, if I'm looking to meet a fireman online, I damn well expect him to post a photo or two of himself in his fireman's hat and slicker. So how come practically none of these supposed professional or lifestyle dommes can be bothered to upload any images of herself in dominatrix drag (leather, latex, and chainmail, typically) -- or, even better, images of herself in session with a slave or sub? I can assure you, if you browse through a few pro-domme websites, you'll find they ALL include (1) photos of the domina dressed like a domina (rather than simply looking like some random hot chick -- preferably one from a foreign country who won't be likely to discover her images have been appropriated) and (2) photos or video of her in session. If your xHamster Mistress can't provide you with the same, WALK AWAY!
Another thing you'll find on virtually every pro-domme's website is some sort of mission statement in which she discusses the role BDSM plays in her own life; talks about the types of sessions in which she specializes and the types she refuses to provide; and details what she expects from a submissive. Annnnnnnnd guess what? I have yet to see anything similar provided as part of an xHamster pseudomme profile.
So, to recap, here's what you should require -- at a minimum -- from anyone proposing to enter into an online pro-domme relationship with you:
1. Photographic proof she is the person she claims to be.
2. Photos, video, and/or text that indicates she actually is a professional or lifestyle dominatrix.
3. A coherent, informative blog or profile entry that helps you to understand who she is and why she does this. Because if the only reason seems to be, "for the money" -- WALK AWAY!
Oh, I can hear the rumblings already: "How dare you demand such-and-such from your Mistress?!? Who do you think you are, anyway, worm?!?"
To which I respond: BULLSHIT.
First off, this is not a D/s relationship. She is not doing this because she is entering into a 1:1 partnership with you, where each has a vested interest in your interaction: No, she is doing this because she expects you to send her money. In other words, you are the customer; she is the provider. Once you are satisfied with her bona fides, you can agree to any rules of conduct you see fit. Until then, though, she is competing for YOUR business. If she cannot be bothered -- or simply cannot -- provide you with positive proof she is the person depicted in her photos, WALK AWAY. If she has no qualms about beginning the relationship as a liar and a cheat, she will ALWAYS lie to you and cheat you.
You see, the dirty little secret of professional female domination is that it ISN'T really female domination: The 'pro' part changes everything. Because the client pays, he gets to determine the experience; the domina must work within the guidelines established by the sub.
Now, for a talented and experienced domme, that still allows a lot of leeway, enabling her to deliver sessions that can leave even the most nit-picking of submissives feeling as if all control rests in his mistress's hands. Despite this, a true pro-domme is always aware of the interpersonal dynamics. Anyone who tries to hide behind a smokescreen of D/s in order not to provide you with proof of her professionalism ISN'T a professional and ISN'T worth your time, energy, and money. That's right: WALK AWAY.
Now, after all this negativity, if engaging with an online domina is still something you feel compelled to do, understand that it most definitely is worth taking your time to find an honest, sincere pro. Rest assured: There are thousands of such women out there -- you don't need to settle for the first self-proclaimed dominatrix you stumble across here. Instead, invest the time to find the partner you deserve; don't waste your money on a low-life scam artist. (Note: Realize you might not be able to find her on this site. Don't despair: There are many other sites on the web largely or entirely dedicated to BDSM, bondage, and the fetish lifestyle. If you can't find anyone here you can believe and trust, don't hesitate to look elsewhere. Head to a BDSM-oriented site to find your counterpart in S&M -- and then come back here for the porn!)
Keep in mind, though, that even with a true, experienced dominatrix, you may find an online D/s session falls somewhere between 'unsatisfying' and 'utterly laughable.' Many pro-dommes I know refuse to engage in sessions online or by phone -- even with clients with whom they've sessioned In Real Life -- because they feel too removed from the experience. They find remote domination so limits what they can do, and they find it so difficult to receive feedback from their sub, that instead of providing a half-assed experience, they'd rather simply forego a paid phone or online session. While some professional dommes do offer such sessions and believe they can provide a meaningful experience over the wires, anyone who fails at least to discuss such concerns with you DOESN'T GIVE A DAMN about the quality of YOUR experience. She is there solely for your money. WALK AWAY.
If I feel so strongly about the recent flood of questionable dommes tainting the site, why do I continue to send friend requests to such self-proclaimed dominatrices? Simple: I keep hoping one of them will prove me wrong, will create for herself an xHamster presence so honest, so sincere, I find myself choking and spluttering on my own words.
You know what? It hasn't happened yet -- no matter how much I wish it were so.
Oh, I could go one for another hour and leave you with another dozen or two reasons to view the current influx of self-proclaimed dommes with the most jaded of eyes. (For instance, most serious dominatrices I know started out working as a professional submissive, in order better to understand the other side of the dynamic. In fact, many of the dommes I know who train other dominatrices professionally require their new students first to work as a sub. Now: How many of the faux dommes online have ever done so?) (For that matter, how many have ever experimented with BDSM or D/s as part of their own sex lives -- except, of course, when they managed to sucker some poor fool from the stripclub or Hooters to pay them to, ahem, 'dominate' him?)
And the damnednest thing is -- none of this -- BDSM, D/s, whatever -- really floats my boat. Yes, I do enjoy playing with power relationships, but usually not in traditional, stereotypical ways, and usually in the context of a ongoing relationship or long-term friendship. That said, I have a lot of friends who are pro-dommes, and I've dealt professionally with many, many more. (I once owned an adult newspaper that regularly wrote about pro-domination and accepted advertising from pro-dommes.) Accordingly, I'm actually a pretty damn good source of information on BDSM, D/s, power play, and sexual communities, and I'll happily (and, clearly, quite verbosely) answer any questions directed my way.
And, ultimately, PLEASE, let's try to rid the site of faux-dommes, pseudommes, fakes, and flakes -- while at the same time encouraging true lifestyle and pro dominas to hang around and flourish!
First off, how many of these self-proclaimed dommes are verified xHamster users? Pretty much... none. Seeing how quite a few have been shown to be using stolen photos, it makes one wonder whether any of these VirtuaDommes are whom they claim to be. PLEASE! If you feel compelled to send your hard-earned cash to any of these... people, insist upon a brief cam2cam session first. At the very least, have her send you several photos in which she poses according to your request. (And not just a single image where she holds a sign reading "Hi, [YourNameHere]!" -- unless you feel competent at telling the difference between an authentic photo and one with text added later.)
Second, if I'm looking to meet a fireman online, I damn well expect him to post a photo or two of himself in his fireman's hat and slicker. So how come practically none of these supposed professional or lifestyle dommes can be bothered to upload any images of herself in dominatrix drag (leather, latex, and chainmail, typically) -- or, even better, images of herself in session with a slave or sub? I can assure you, if you browse through a few pro-domme websites, you'll find they ALL include (1) photos of the domina dressed like a domina (rather than simply looking like some random hot chick -- preferably one from a foreign country who won't be likely to discover her images have been appropriated) and (2) photos or video of her in session. If your xHamster Mistress can't provide you with the same, WALK AWAY!
Another thing you'll find on virtually every pro-domme's website is some sort of mission statement in which she discusses the role BDSM plays in her own life; talks about the types of sessions in which she specializes and the types she refuses to provide; and details what she expects from a submissive. Annnnnnnnd guess what? I have yet to see anything similar provided as part of an xHamster pseudomme profile.
So, to recap, here's what you should require -- at a minimum -- from anyone proposing to enter into an online pro-domme relationship with you:
1. Photographic proof she is the person she claims to be.
2. Photos, video, and/or text that indicates she actually is a professional or lifestyle dominatrix.
3. A coherent, informative blog or profile entry that helps you to understand who she is and why she does this. Because if the only reason seems to be, "for the money" -- WALK AWAY!
Oh, I can hear the rumblings already: "How dare you demand such-and-such from your Mistress?!? Who do you think you are, anyway, worm?!?"
To which I respond: BULLSHIT.
First off, this is not a D/s relationship. She is not doing this because she is entering into a 1:1 partnership with you, where each has a vested interest in your interaction: No, she is doing this because she expects you to send her money. In other words, you are the customer; she is the provider. Once you are satisfied with her bona fides, you can agree to any rules of conduct you see fit. Until then, though, she is competing for YOUR business. If she cannot be bothered -- or simply cannot -- provide you with positive proof she is the person depicted in her photos, WALK AWAY. If she has no qualms about beginning the relationship as a liar and a cheat, she will ALWAYS lie to you and cheat you.
You see, the dirty little secret of professional female domination is that it ISN'T really female domination: The 'pro' part changes everything. Because the client pays, he gets to determine the experience; the domina must work within the guidelines established by the sub.
Now, for a talented and experienced domme, that still allows a lot of leeway, enabling her to deliver sessions that can leave even the most nit-picking of submissives feeling as if all control rests in his mistress's hands. Despite this, a true pro-domme is always aware of the interpersonal dynamics. Anyone who tries to hide behind a smokescreen of D/s in order not to provide you with proof of her professionalism ISN'T a professional and ISN'T worth your time, energy, and money. That's right: WALK AWAY.
Now, after all this negativity, if engaging with an online domina is still something you feel compelled to do, understand that it most definitely is worth taking your time to find an honest, sincere pro. Rest assured: There are thousands of such women out there -- you don't need to settle for the first self-proclaimed dominatrix you stumble across here. Instead, invest the time to find the partner you deserve; don't waste your money on a low-life scam artist. (Note: Realize you might not be able to find her on this site. Don't despair: There are many other sites on the web largely or entirely dedicated to BDSM, bondage, and the fetish lifestyle. If you can't find anyone here you can believe and trust, don't hesitate to look elsewhere. Head to a BDSM-oriented site to find your counterpart in S&M -- and then come back here for the porn!)
Keep in mind, though, that even with a true, experienced dominatrix, you may find an online D/s session falls somewhere between 'unsatisfying' and 'utterly laughable.' Many pro-dommes I know refuse to engage in sessions online or by phone -- even with clients with whom they've sessioned In Real Life -- because they feel too removed from the experience. They find remote domination so limits what they can do, and they find it so difficult to receive feedback from their sub, that instead of providing a half-assed experience, they'd rather simply forego a paid phone or online session. While some professional dommes do offer such sessions and believe they can provide a meaningful experience over the wires, anyone who fails at least to discuss such concerns with you DOESN'T GIVE A DAMN about the quality of YOUR experience. She is there solely for your money. WALK AWAY.
If I feel so strongly about the recent flood of questionable dommes tainting the site, why do I continue to send friend requests to such self-proclaimed dominatrices? Simple: I keep hoping one of them will prove me wrong, will create for herself an xHamster presence so honest, so sincere, I find myself choking and spluttering on my own words.
You know what? It hasn't happened yet -- no matter how much I wish it were so.
Oh, I could go one for another hour and leave you with another dozen or two reasons to view the current influx of self-proclaimed dommes with the most jaded of eyes. (For instance, most serious dominatrices I know started out working as a professional submissive, in order better to understand the other side of the dynamic. In fact, many of the dommes I know who train other dominatrices professionally require their new students first to work as a sub. Now: How many of the faux dommes online have ever done so?) (For that matter, how many have ever experimented with BDSM or D/s as part of their own sex lives -- except, of course, when they managed to sucker some poor fool from the stripclub or Hooters to pay them to, ahem, 'dominate' him?)
And the damnednest thing is -- none of this -- BDSM, D/s, whatever -- really floats my boat. Yes, I do enjoy playing with power relationships, but usually not in traditional, stereotypical ways, and usually in the context of a ongoing relationship or long-term friendship. That said, I have a lot of friends who are pro-dommes, and I've dealt professionally with many, many more. (I once owned an adult newspaper that regularly wrote about pro-domination and accepted advertising from pro-dommes.) Accordingly, I'm actually a pretty damn good source of information on BDSM, D/s, power play, and sexual communities, and I'll happily (and, clearly, quite verbosely) answer any questions directed my way.
And, ultimately, PLEASE, let's try to rid the site of faux-dommes, pseudommes, fakes, and flakes -- while at the same time encouraging true lifestyle and pro dominas to hang around and flourish!
10 years ago