Working up my nerve…
For some time, the idea of blogging has been on my mind. I can’t say this will be a regular thing, but I decided to give it a try. The idea just came to mind afresh after a recent personal experience and I decided I would use that experience as a first post.
As you can see from my profile, I am a panty wearing sissy. You might also deduce that I am pretty private about that. There is a tension between my shyness, lack of nerve and limited opportunities to act out on the one hand; and this fantasy life that consumes my thoughts and so arouses me on the other hand. Given that this is my reality and it is not likely to change anytime soon, online forums like xhamster have provided a welcome outlet for me.
One of the pleasures xhamster has facilitated has been the discovery of “CEI” and “sissy trainer” video clips. Once I discovered that these existed as a genre, I started seeking them out and have found them very arousing.
Over the years, going back to my teen years, I have contemplated and even obsessed about sucking cock and cum swallowing. And, being as shy and scared of someone finding this out as I was, there was little chance of it actually becoming reality. In that setting, the thought of tasting my own cum came up from time to time and it always excited me. So, I would masturbate planning to taste my own cum. Only once I was looking at the pool of fresh cum in my hand or in a glass, I would always chicken out.
A couple of times I tried the “climbing a wall” method but found that with limited flexibility and only 6 inches of hard cock, it was hard to make sure the money shot actually went in my mouth. So I would end up with a mess on my chest or even on my face but only an occasional little bit in my mouth. So I did taste it, but would still chicken out on making sure the rest made its way to my sissy mouth and then my stomach. Frankly, my lack of nerve probably was subconsciously leading me to not try all that hard to get the load in my mouth where it belonged.
About a month ago, I started watching and listening to CEI and sissy trainer clips almost every day. And every few days I would masturbate with one of them in mind but I was still chickening out when it came time to finish. So, last week I decided to capture a session on video. I spent as much time as I could one day watching CEI and sissy trainer clips so that I stayed aroused for a long time. But I did not allow myself to cum. Then the next morning, I setup my phone and recorded a masturbation session.
I had settled on two particular CEI clips. The first (http://xhamster.com/movies/1190204/cum_eating_instruction_cum_like_a_bitch.html) featured a blonde instructing the sissy (me of course) to take two fingers and stick them right up my sissy ass hole. She followed that by instructing me to take those two fingers out of my hole and stick them right in my mouth and suck them clean. The second (http://xhamster.com/movies/1938158/cei_16.html) was two women, a blonde and a brunette, instructing the sissy (me again) to be more classy and use a wine glass. Once the glass was filled, they instructed me to swirl it around, smell the bouquet, stir it with a finger and suck the finger. Then I was to tip up the glass and let the load slide into my mouth. I had to let the cum linger in my mouth to get a good taste before swallowing it all down.
So, with these two clips in mind and 24 hours of pent up jizz in my balls, I put on a pair of thigh highs and panties, pushed record and obediently masturbated. I made sure to stick two fingers up my ass and take them right from my ass to my mouth. And when I was about to explode, I grabbed my wine glass and pumped out a spectacular load! Then I looked at my sperm in the glass, swirled it around, smelled it…
AND CHICKENED OUT AGAIN! After I dumped the contents in the toilet, I was so disappointed in myself I had to take a hairbrush and paddle myself (another kink of mine.)
If it ended there, I don’t think I would be writing this blog post. The thought of my failure to put my load where I knew it belonged stayed in my head the rest of the day and I determined to try again the next morning.
That is how I found myself for the second consecutive day in front of my phone camera, thinking about the two fingers I had stuck up my ass and sucked repeatedly, looking at my cloudy load swirling in the glass. I stirred the white, slimy liquid with my finger and then lifted it to my face and tentatively tasted it. With the musty smell in my nose and the slightly salty taste on my tongue, I repeated the stir and taste a couple of times then steeled myself and lifted the glass to my lips. With my mouth wide open and my tongue stuck way out, I tipped the glass and let the creamy contents slide into my sissy mouth. I kept my mouth open as the taste and odor filled my senses. Then I worked my mouth to get the load resting right on the center of my tongue and made sure the camera got a good view. Then I closed my mouth and swallowed my first full load. I ended by showing my empty mouth to the camera and using my finger to wipe up the residue in the glass and suck it all down.
I have the video edited and will post it as soon as xhamster reopens the video upload page.
Thanks to all of you who make xhamster what it is. You helped me take a step in my sissy journey!
*Update - The video is uploaded and is waiting for xhamster to format and post.
*Update - The video is posted. Enjoy! My only regret is that my load the first day was so much bigger :( I guess I have to make another one.
As you can see from my profile, I am a panty wearing sissy. You might also deduce that I am pretty private about that. There is a tension between my shyness, lack of nerve and limited opportunities to act out on the one hand; and this fantasy life that consumes my thoughts and so arouses me on the other hand. Given that this is my reality and it is not likely to change anytime soon, online forums like xhamster have provided a welcome outlet for me.
One of the pleasures xhamster has facilitated has been the discovery of “CEI” and “sissy trainer” video clips. Once I discovered that these existed as a genre, I started seeking them out and have found them very arousing.
Over the years, going back to my teen years, I have contemplated and even obsessed about sucking cock and cum swallowing. And, being as shy and scared of someone finding this out as I was, there was little chance of it actually becoming reality. In that setting, the thought of tasting my own cum came up from time to time and it always excited me. So, I would masturbate planning to taste my own cum. Only once I was looking at the pool of fresh cum in my hand or in a glass, I would always chicken out.
A couple of times I tried the “climbing a wall” method but found that with limited flexibility and only 6 inches of hard cock, it was hard to make sure the money shot actually went in my mouth. So I would end up with a mess on my chest or even on my face but only an occasional little bit in my mouth. So I did taste it, but would still chicken out on making sure the rest made its way to my sissy mouth and then my stomach. Frankly, my lack of nerve probably was subconsciously leading me to not try all that hard to get the load in my mouth where it belonged.
About a month ago, I started watching and listening to CEI and sissy trainer clips almost every day. And every few days I would masturbate with one of them in mind but I was still chickening out when it came time to finish. So, last week I decided to capture a session on video. I spent as much time as I could one day watching CEI and sissy trainer clips so that I stayed aroused for a long time. But I did not allow myself to cum. Then the next morning, I setup my phone and recorded a masturbation session.
I had settled on two particular CEI clips. The first (http://xhamster.com/movies/1190204/cum_eating_instruction_cum_like_a_bitch.html) featured a blonde instructing the sissy (me of course) to take two fingers and stick them right up my sissy ass hole. She followed that by instructing me to take those two fingers out of my hole and stick them right in my mouth and suck them clean. The second (http://xhamster.com/movies/1938158/cei_16.html) was two women, a blonde and a brunette, instructing the sissy (me again) to be more classy and use a wine glass. Once the glass was filled, they instructed me to swirl it around, smell the bouquet, stir it with a finger and suck the finger. Then I was to tip up the glass and let the load slide into my mouth. I had to let the cum linger in my mouth to get a good taste before swallowing it all down.
So, with these two clips in mind and 24 hours of pent up jizz in my balls, I put on a pair of thigh highs and panties, pushed record and obediently masturbated. I made sure to stick two fingers up my ass and take them right from my ass to my mouth. And when I was about to explode, I grabbed my wine glass and pumped out a spectacular load! Then I looked at my sperm in the glass, swirled it around, smelled it…
AND CHICKENED OUT AGAIN! After I dumped the contents in the toilet, I was so disappointed in myself I had to take a hairbrush and paddle myself (another kink of mine.)
If it ended there, I don’t think I would be writing this blog post. The thought of my failure to put my load where I knew it belonged stayed in my head the rest of the day and I determined to try again the next morning.
That is how I found myself for the second consecutive day in front of my phone camera, thinking about the two fingers I had stuck up my ass and sucked repeatedly, looking at my cloudy load swirling in the glass. I stirred the white, slimy liquid with my finger and then lifted it to my face and tentatively tasted it. With the musty smell in my nose and the slightly salty taste on my tongue, I repeated the stir and taste a couple of times then steeled myself and lifted the glass to my lips. With my mouth wide open and my tongue stuck way out, I tipped the glass and let the creamy contents slide into my sissy mouth. I kept my mouth open as the taste and odor filled my senses. Then I worked my mouth to get the load resting right on the center of my tongue and made sure the camera got a good view. Then I closed my mouth and swallowed my first full load. I ended by showing my empty mouth to the camera and using my finger to wipe up the residue in the glass and suck it all down.
I have the video edited and will post it as soon as xhamster reopens the video upload page.
Thanks to all of you who make xhamster what it is. You helped me take a step in my sissy journey!
*Update - The video is uploaded and is waiting for xhamster to format and post.
*Update - The video is posted. Enjoy! My only regret is that my load the first day was so much bigger :( I guess I have to make another one.
11 years ago
