You're NOT Gullible...
You're NOT Gullible, He's Just Really An Asshole
I'm not sure that you can protect yourself completely from the lies told by others. We can only listen to our instincts when we feel those red flags coming up. I don't have issues with being open to people but there are things I reserve until an individual shows me that they are trustworthy. That makes me feel less vulnerable. I know that when they leave they are not taking with them anything that can actually harm me later. In my experience they will turn back up, and have some bullshit excuse for everything and a "seemingly" logical answer for every question much like they have before. Whether you choose to expose yourself to this nonsense further is up to you. I have been inoculating myself against "BS" by exposing myself to them & learning the ways they operate. Most of them stick to a series of lies about the same kinds of things. They're really not very creative. Some of the more creative ones will be harder to suss out, but pay attention to the things they don't say, and the background noises when you actually do speak with them by phone, or Skype. One more thing is to stick to your guns. If you feel that it requires a 3-6 month period for you to feel comfortable with someone, then make them wait 3-6 months, the ones who are NOT willing to wait will be the ones most likely trying to trick you. Anyone unwilling to respect any boundaries you set for yourself is no loss. No matter how fabulous the story they weave, if they are not respecting a simple boundary like, "No Skype till after the first month" they are NOT likely to respect a boundary such as NO SEX ON THE FIRST MEETING etc.
You shouldn't feel ashamed or guilty for the lies, or for wanting to believe that they were who they claimed to be. It is human nature to want to connect with other humans, that is what predators use against us. Predators are incapable of connecting to people in healthy positive ways. That doesn't make you stupid or even gullible, it makes you human.
Now, that in no way suggests that I never get caught in the web of one of these individuals. Some even make it past my BS inoculation(they become the much needed "Booster"), and period of consideration. We subs tend to forget that we are not just "interviewing" to serve but "interviewing" someone to see if they are someone we would enjoy serving. Your needs will have to be met by this individual also, so think about your wants, needs, and desires; and whether or not this person can fit into your lifestyle. If not, the choice is yours to continue the contact and let them show themselves, or discontinue contact and move on to the next applicant. I typically let them hang on and allow them to hang themselves, just because when they think they've left me cause I'm "such a fucking bitch" they don't worry the shit out of me later whining to be taken back.
BYM January 2012
I'm not sure that you can protect yourself completely from the lies told by others. We can only listen to our instincts when we feel those red flags coming up. I don't have issues with being open to people but there are things I reserve until an individual shows me that they are trustworthy. That makes me feel less vulnerable. I know that when they leave they are not taking with them anything that can actually harm me later. In my experience they will turn back up, and have some bullshit excuse for everything and a "seemingly" logical answer for every question much like they have before. Whether you choose to expose yourself to this nonsense further is up to you. I have been inoculating myself against "BS" by exposing myself to them & learning the ways they operate. Most of them stick to a series of lies about the same kinds of things. They're really not very creative. Some of the more creative ones will be harder to suss out, but pay attention to the things they don't say, and the background noises when you actually do speak with them by phone, or Skype. One more thing is to stick to your guns. If you feel that it requires a 3-6 month period for you to feel comfortable with someone, then make them wait 3-6 months, the ones who are NOT willing to wait will be the ones most likely trying to trick you. Anyone unwilling to respect any boundaries you set for yourself is no loss. No matter how fabulous the story they weave, if they are not respecting a simple boundary like, "No Skype till after the first month" they are NOT likely to respect a boundary such as NO SEX ON THE FIRST MEETING etc.
You shouldn't feel ashamed or guilty for the lies, or for wanting to believe that they were who they claimed to be. It is human nature to want to connect with other humans, that is what predators use against us. Predators are incapable of connecting to people in healthy positive ways. That doesn't make you stupid or even gullible, it makes you human.
Now, that in no way suggests that I never get caught in the web of one of these individuals. Some even make it past my BS inoculation(they become the much needed "Booster"), and period of consideration. We subs tend to forget that we are not just "interviewing" to serve but "interviewing" someone to see if they are someone we would enjoy serving. Your needs will have to be met by this individual also, so think about your wants, needs, and desires; and whether or not this person can fit into your lifestyle. If not, the choice is yours to continue the contact and let them show themselves, or discontinue contact and move on to the next applicant. I typically let them hang on and allow them to hang themselves, just because when they think they've left me cause I'm "such a fucking bitch" they don't worry the shit out of me later whining to be taken back.
BYM January 2012
12 years ago