The Complete Idiots Guide To The World’s Stu

The Complete Idiots Guide To The World's Stupidest Sex Fetishes

by

Gaz



Where on earth do I find the right to pontificate about what everyday folks do to get their freak on? Generally, I do not practice nor condone dashing indiscriminately to judgment. Heavens to Betsy, most of my friends are 100% first-class weirdoes. Nevertheless; I fancy not knowing what they do to get their kink-fix.

A fetish is something that presents sexual gratification to someone that normally doesn't bestow bawdy pleasure to his next door neighbor. People who indulge in sexual fetishes are by and large accepted by society; because most folks are far too embarrassed or just plain sensible enough not to expose their fetishes.

Yet, people still tell you things you never wanted to know. Sure, I think your current girlfriends' feet are gorgeous. And I too am fond of Bosco. However licking chocolate syrup from those dainty toes of hers is a delight I can't share with you, or your girlfriend. Foot and food fetishes however, are not at all unusual these days. And hardly stupid. So what constitutes a stupid fetish?

A stupid fetish is one that you personally find to be absolutely sick. It is no more complicated than that. If it makes you want to wretch, it's stupid. As anyone who has seen, or even heard of Two Girls One Cup can attest. Yet there are fetishes, though not as gross, are nonetheless equally bewildering to comprehend.

Adult Babies. Let's pretend you don't know what that is. Imagine you and your sweetie dressing up as infants, adopting baby names and subsequently playing together in a cusom-made adult-sized playpen. Goo-goo, gaga, where's the thrill? Yet, millions of people indulge in these activities every single day. Most of these folks are honest, hardworking, educated, professionals; who have c***dren of their own. So, whose toys do you think they play with? Frankly if I was a k** and mommy or daddy got something all over my brand new Teddy Bear®, I'd be bust into a temper tantrum so bad the neighbors would call CPS. Are you listening Senator Chimpinhaus?

Ponyplay is hard for normal people to understand because most people who love horses still don't want to be one, or even pretend to be one for that matter. My research on the matter revealed that people into pony-play don't have a particular affection for horse at all. Few even own them. The thing that make this fetish particularly difficult to embrace is, one person has to have the fetish of being the pony and the other has to be equally turned on by riding a... (Cough) human pony. Is this stupid? Remember, you're the judge.

Researching stupid fetishes is much more difficult than I could have imagined. Many things I personally find to be utterly bizarre still don't classify as stupid these days. For example, my heart bleeds for amputees. However, I don't know if I should applaud or be vexed by them manufacturing porn. I've met a lot of strange people in my day. But I have never known anyone who even had a slight interest in this. But, there is still time.

If you think these are kooky, think of the ones we have not yet seen. Here's my short list.:

Cell phone fetishes. Many guys have sneaker and smoking fetishes. Even balloon fetishes. I once saw a picture of sexy girl smoking while wearing sneakers and holding a balloon. Can you only imagine how much that turned some guy on? Throw in a cell phone; you just might have a mess on your hands.

Fishing. Huh? But wait, picture a hot babe in a bikini or nothing at all fighting to bring in a marlin. Pant, pant, pant. In all fairness, as far as guys are concerned, a hot babe in a bikini doing anything warrants rapid heart palpitations

Spitting. I recently found out that there are thousands of perfectly normal guys out there who get their rocks off on watching a girl spit. Now, if they get off on being spit upon, I think we could then bring up the stupid question.

Weather fetish. This is the one I am waiting to see. I just know there is some couple out there who gets turned on by thunder storms. They have to love hurricane season.

Given enough time, dozens of these unknown fetishes will not only pop-up, but will soon be considered not weird at all. Like I said, there is still time.