When is too dirty and when is not dirty enough ?

And there goes the dilemma... at least for me is, as is kind of intriguing how you can lose a friend by a lack of dirtiness.
So, there are sometimes you get a new friend, you send a simple message, like, hi, how are you, I hope you are fine. Then no answer. Maybe for the other person been very busy, is ok, we are all with different interests here, but is just a hypothetical case. Then to the same person, and is just an example, you send a new message " your picture is hot, your ass is to dream for and fuck and play on it all night " , then you get your answer and all that.
And happens backs wards too, on the dirty message you get a " no but I am nice girl too, say something nice " , then you get some lost interests on your conversations after. Then is really a dilemma when to be, how to be, or how much to be dirty or not in the cases, and the point is always the expectation is lost if you are not in the same page of the other and is confusing why there are not signals first of the kind of conversation is looking for.
It is funny, a dilemma for me I guess, because never know when is not dirty enough.