The One That Got Away
I don't think there's any such thing as perfect. Never have, never will. Having said that, for me one person came damned close in a lot of ways. Physically, I couldn't ask for more. Black, beautiful, and hung! Sexually, again damned near a perfect match. This person loves to bottom but also loves to top. Loves to suck cock as much as being sucked. My friend could possibly seem confusing to some. Sometimes my friend has serious trans leanings, other days it's just a whim. When we met, my friend was all of 19 and trying to live full-time en femme. This seemed to fall apart (the first time I know of) when my friend started taking hormones and the titties started growing. This was fine and dandy until my friend became self-conscious of going out in public, with tits. Let's be honest, these weren't Dolly Parton kinda tits or anything...but I remember we stopped for a bite to eat one night, and my friend sorta freaked out. My friend ran back to my car, I ordered us some food to go, and we went back home. My friend was 23 at the time.
When my friend is feeling less femme, my friend stops shaving. While not heavily bearded, my friend looks damned cute with some facial hair. I think my friend is about as gorgeous as anyone could stand to be, either way. A lovely surprise would be when my friend, looking all manly in a hoodie and jeans, would undress only to surprise me by wearing lingerie and thigh highs underneath. I'm sure you can guess; this usually led to some wonderfully wild sex. This was often the only time my friend would be vocally insistent, if you catch my drift. Who was I to argue?
So why didn't this all work out for us? The age difference would be most people's first guess, but that wasn't it. Geography was a problem. We lived a few hundred miles from each other, and neither of us wanted to move. As good an excuse as any, I guess. We're both stubborn. (another thing in common) Being black, my friend has had their own demons to battle. In the black community, gay/trans kinda stuff seems to cause a larger number of family issues than in white families. My friend kept feeling the need to try to fit in. My friend would throw out all the femme stuff, find a girlfriend, and try really hard to be 'normal'. But if you're reading this, chances are you already know the outcome. It never works when you try to fight who you really are. When my friend would find a girlfriend, later a boyfriend (a few times), I'd cool down. I always happily maintained our friendship, and with the geographic differences, I just wouldn't visit or vice versa. After a few months, I'd get a text asking to see my dick or ass because my friend was missing that part of their life. Maybe I should've just said no, but I missed that part of our friendship too. Invariably, one of us would end up visiting the other, and the sexual escapades continued.
For as sweet as my friend is, my friend also has a nasty temper. This has long been an issue. A few arrests, a few trips to jail; the way I see it, it's the outcome of fighting one's true nature. I could be wrong, but I don't think I am. I've paid my friend's bail. I've arranged lawyers. When my friend was in jail, I kept money in my friend's commissary account. I'd visit (when permitted). We'd write often. The love was always there. My friend has a knack for bad decisions, no doubt there. Who knows, maybe I do too.
I always had my own relationships too. In fact, I got married. But we still maintained our friendship. Prior to my wedding, my friend and I had a visit and it was as memorable as the first time. I swear, no human has ever turned me on as much as my friend. Sexiest motherfucker alive, in my eyes.
My friend started dating someone again. It feels different. My friend has sorta shut me out. I felt it was time to finally say good-bye. This was met with my friend yelling at me. (never a good way to communicate with me) My friend claims they're trying to do the 'right thing' by their current partner. All I really want is for my friend to find some peace and happiness. My friend says their new partner doesn't really make them happy. I asked why stay in the relationship then? This was met with more yelling. I ended the conversation there. I said my good-byes, and reminded my friend that I will always love them. I just have to wonder...how long will this last? We've known each other for 20 years. As I'm older, I never initiated the physical side of our friendship. My friend did. And in ways I just couldn't say no to. (I'm only human) Why am I writing this? I don't know. Just needed to get it off my chest, I guess. Damn, I need laid. I'm really missing the sex right now. Maybe I've always been the problem. I just don't know.
When my friend is feeling less femme, my friend stops shaving. While not heavily bearded, my friend looks damned cute with some facial hair. I think my friend is about as gorgeous as anyone could stand to be, either way. A lovely surprise would be when my friend, looking all manly in a hoodie and jeans, would undress only to surprise me by wearing lingerie and thigh highs underneath. I'm sure you can guess; this usually led to some wonderfully wild sex. This was often the only time my friend would be vocally insistent, if you catch my drift. Who was I to argue?
So why didn't this all work out for us? The age difference would be most people's first guess, but that wasn't it. Geography was a problem. We lived a few hundred miles from each other, and neither of us wanted to move. As good an excuse as any, I guess. We're both stubborn. (another thing in common) Being black, my friend has had their own demons to battle. In the black community, gay/trans kinda stuff seems to cause a larger number of family issues than in white families. My friend kept feeling the need to try to fit in. My friend would throw out all the femme stuff, find a girlfriend, and try really hard to be 'normal'. But if you're reading this, chances are you already know the outcome. It never works when you try to fight who you really are. When my friend would find a girlfriend, later a boyfriend (a few times), I'd cool down. I always happily maintained our friendship, and with the geographic differences, I just wouldn't visit or vice versa. After a few months, I'd get a text asking to see my dick or ass because my friend was missing that part of their life. Maybe I should've just said no, but I missed that part of our friendship too. Invariably, one of us would end up visiting the other, and the sexual escapades continued.
For as sweet as my friend is, my friend also has a nasty temper. This has long been an issue. A few arrests, a few trips to jail; the way I see it, it's the outcome of fighting one's true nature. I could be wrong, but I don't think I am. I've paid my friend's bail. I've arranged lawyers. When my friend was in jail, I kept money in my friend's commissary account. I'd visit (when permitted). We'd write often. The love was always there. My friend has a knack for bad decisions, no doubt there. Who knows, maybe I do too.
I always had my own relationships too. In fact, I got married. But we still maintained our friendship. Prior to my wedding, my friend and I had a visit and it was as memorable as the first time. I swear, no human has ever turned me on as much as my friend. Sexiest motherfucker alive, in my eyes.
My friend started dating someone again. It feels different. My friend has sorta shut me out. I felt it was time to finally say good-bye. This was met with my friend yelling at me. (never a good way to communicate with me) My friend claims they're trying to do the 'right thing' by their current partner. All I really want is for my friend to find some peace and happiness. My friend says their new partner doesn't really make them happy. I asked why stay in the relationship then? This was met with more yelling. I ended the conversation there. I said my good-byes, and reminded my friend that I will always love them. I just have to wonder...how long will this last? We've known each other for 20 years. As I'm older, I never initiated the physical side of our friendship. My friend did. And in ways I just couldn't say no to. (I'm only human) Why am I writing this? I don't know. Just needed to get it off my chest, I guess. Damn, I need laid. I'm really missing the sex right now. Maybe I've always been the problem. I just don't know.
3 months ago