I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking F

Wow, just noticed I had 666 followers...something prophetic, there, I'm sure!

All right! Down to it! I've had some people who ask what/who I'm looking for, or assume they know what I need. Here's a blast (BIG one) from Mistress Ember's comment page talking about where she wasn't looking for WORTHless slaves, she was looking for worthy MEN. This is my response, and she loved it. I've modified it for this blog post.

I donā€™t believe Iā€™m worth LESS than anyone (although, in the realm of BDSM, itā€™s fun to play and experience, and it can be really fun). To know me, youā€™d never know that I like to submit to a womanā€™s whims, to be controlled by a woman, to worship a woman, to be punished by a woman. The rest of the time, my life is very ā€œnormalā€, whatever THAT means. I sure as hell DONā€™T think that the woman Iā€™m going to allow to do this to me (and yes, I do allow itā€¦my being a submissive means that she can be the dominantā€¦I donā€™t do that, SHE canā€™t do HER part!) is going to be doing this full time EVERY timeā€¦good LORD, that would get BORING after a while (kind of like the chastity forever thingā€¦it could be okay for some people, but I just donā€™t get itā€¦it would seem that its erotic value would wear off after a whileā€¦ehā€¦to each their own). Thereā€™s also something magical in the sexual act itselfā€¦the worship of the GodESS. A worthless human being probably isnā€™t going to be getting the sex they want because who wants to date a worthless human being? Iā€™m sure there are people out there who do, but I would just think those people are taking advantage of a sad, pathetic personā€™s emotions. Maybe notā€¦could be wrong. I guess I kind of subscribe to the school of Ms. Rika or Ms. Kitty Williams, or the ā€œRoman Dominitrixā€ style of things.

That being said, I am not going to submit to every woman who proffers a whip and says, ā€œKneel before me.ā€ I also have standards, standards for myself and for any woman to whom I submit (No, Iā€™m not in a relationshipā€¦separatedā€¦I also have needs, and those needs werenā€™t being met as my ex was very vanillaā€¦sheā€™s almost everything I talk about hereā€¦the kinkiness and sexual side was definitely lacking, though). The woman to whom I submit is dominant full-time, itā€™s her nature and not a role she takes on (like the $200-an-hour woman who can be a stripper, or a dancer, but also plays on the side. Iā€™m not begrudging her the money, and Iā€™m not saying sheā€™s not a dominant, she MAY be, but it may just be a role that she clocks in on, too!). Sheā€™s not a leather-clad dominatrix (she might be, if thatā€™s her profession, butā€¦), sheā€™s a woman who has a career, she comes home, I make dinner, or SHE makes dinner because she feels like making dinner; she does whatever chores she wants, and leaves the rest to her me (and I had better do them). She delegates those responsibilities she wishes to delegate, and I make it happen.

Sheā€™s also strong enough and confident enough to allow me to be who I am: a confident, intelligent male who has interests, a love of lifeā€“the Eros in life, if you willā€“a life to liveā€¦I hold a Masterā€™s degree in Geographic Information Systems and several Bachaelorā€™s degrees, am a voracious reader, am studying hypnosis on my own because I know that a womanā€™s orgasm starts in her mindā€“same as in enlightened menā€”and I want to give the woman Iā€™m with infinite pleasure. I love to travel, speak English and Spanish marginally well (okay, regarding English, I AM the grammarian about whom your mother warned), and am learning Russian AND Mandarin Chinese. I compose music as a hobby that I would like to turn into a career. I love studying the world and all its wonders, and love to teach others about those wonders. I am marginally spiritual; I think somethingā€™s there, but I donā€™t subscribe to the religious dogma and prejudices (including regarding women), but I have STUDIED religious documents (The Bible and older Judeo-Christian writings, as well as other older religious myths) extensively, mostly out of historical interest. I guess I would call myself an Agnostic.
In my former life, I was a Naval intelligence and cryptologic specialist, and I had occasion to come into contact with some of the seamier people in the world, and also met someā€¦for lack of better term, extremely dangerous individuals, who taught me things about defending myself and others (I also discovered that my hackles REALLY go up when I encounter so-called alpha malesā€¦cuckolding is probably NOT something in which the woman I eventually submit to is going to be able to engageā€¦itā€™s important to know these things about oneself).

Having female friends who have suffered horrific abuse (one woman has had her back broken, has lost most of her sight because of a blow to the faceā€¦makes me sickā€¦if I EVER get hold of the guysā€¦yes there were two, two years apart, two different citiesā€¦guys who did thisā€¦the policeā€™ll have to go to the water treatment plants to strain for remains), my passion, besides composing music, is teaching women how to defend themselves in any situation (kind of like Tony Stark in Iron Man: ā€œSome people say that the best weapon is the one you never have to use. I respectfully disagree. I think the best weapon is the one you only have to use ONCE!ā€), I teach women to defend themselves without firearms, just utilizing the weapons theyā€™re likely to find in their purse, or in their immediate area.
The woman I submit to must have brains! I know, a lot of the people seriously involved in the BDSM community are fairly intelligent, but there can be a world of difference between ā€œfairlyā€ intelligent, and intelligent. If a woman is intelligent, witty, fun, sensual (yes, it starts in the mind), sexy (also in the mind), and isnā€™t afraid of using her intelligence, thatā€™s a huge turn on (for me, anywayā€¦basically if you could join Mensa, we should probably talkā€¦if sheā€™s into sci fi and fantasy, thatā€™s a HUGE bonus). Invention, imagination, kinkiness (you donā€™t think you have to be smart to be creatively kinky?!? Really?!?), knowledgeā€¦honestly, if you donā€™t have these, what are you going to talk about AFTER the punishment, or the play session is over, or after sex? I donā€™t want the Playboy Bunny who hasnā€™t two brain cells to rub together (yes, I know, thatā€™s an over-generalization and stereotype, but itā€™s the overall appearance and impression thing) when a so-called ā€œPlain Janeā€ has everything Iā€™ve been talking about. If it comes down to those two women, Iā€™ll go with the Plain Jane ANY day!
The next thing is I have to adore her, and she has to adore me; this canā€™t be forced, it canā€™t be bought, it canā€™t be made out of whole cloth, itā€™s something that we have to doā€¦Iā€™M the one who has to adore her, and she has to adore me. Picture Morticia and Gomez Addamsā€¦thereā€™s no knowing who was the dominant or the submissive (although I suspect she might have been the top in the relationshipā€¦maybe notā€¦fun to speculate on, though), they had a VERY nontraditional relationship that obviously played on the edgy side, but they genuinely loved and adored each other. If that canā€™t be done, thereā€™s not even the smallest chance of a relationship that lasts with me.

Other than a wish list about what I like in a dominant woman, I havenā€™t really said much about specifics (whips, chains, spankings, etc.) because those are all really propsā€¦toys if you will. Those are the things that can be negotiated later; they are PART of the relationship, but they are NOT the relationship! What Iā€™m talking about are those things that make up the woman herself, and those are the things that are important to me. Obviously, PHYSICAL fetishes (example: feet or hairy armpits, or something like that) should PROBABLY be talked about EARLY in the relationship, rather than later.
All that said, I donā€™t want or need a babysitter. Iā€™d love a woman who lets me LIVE and LOVE in the amazing life we share together, but also knows how to rein me in at the drop of a hat, and has the ability to smack me down hard, to make me feel small and powerless to use a turn of phrase, if she finds it necessary to my well-being, her well-being, or to the harmony of the relationship.
I guess Iā€™m talking about the more traditional (if there is such a term in relation to FLR) female-led relationship, and its appeal to US and OUR relationship. Now, if I can just FIND this, life will be perfect. You figure with roughly 4 billion women on the planet, ONE of them might fit the bill.

In closing, Iā€™m going to write what is, perhaps, the weirdest sentence Iā€™ve ever written: rest assured, there are still confident, intelligent guys like me out there who will submit to, and worship, the RIGHT Dominant woman or women (or women who switch but are the Top in the relationship). Probably an oxymoron butā€¦ehā€¦it is what it is.
Published by conundrum22
3 years ago
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