In the beginning.........
I was born, male , in the late 50's to parents that split when I was 2 years old. Mom got custody and Dad didn't come around much. My Mom was...well.... a little "touched" in the head. I'm not sure when, where or how but she was a bit off. I don't say that to condemn but to give the reader a little insight.
My mother always wanted a girl and a boy and blamed me for not being able to have a daughter. She claimed that my birth forced her to have a hysterectomy. This was one of the first memories I had. Later in life I found out that the story was BS. She had gotten in a car accident and the steering wheel had caused the operation. Back on track- the second memory I have is of my Mom, after some gin or wine and a few little blue or yellow pills, would go to her closet and get down a box that held a little dress and frilly panties with shoes and a hat to match! My hair was longish and I was a "pretty" baby/c***d so the transformation was an easy one. As she began getting me ready to be a girl she told me this story that fucked my brain up. " All men are shit, honey. Worst of them is your Father. That's why I tell you not to act like him. You can't be a girl but , if you do what I say and be good, when puberty comes you can be something wonderful! Not as wonderful as a girl or woman but close.. When you hit puberty you will grow breasts like a girl and your testicles will return up into your body and your scrotum will for a vagina right behind that evil penis. You will be the best parts of your parents and very special. But you must be good and do exactly as Mother says or you will just become a regular boy and then an evil man like your father." And, of course, I believed her! Why would she lie? After the story she would strip me naked and take her index finger and push my penis into my body and tape it. "This is what it would be like to have a vagina." She would then push my testicles up into my abdomen saying "You don't need those evil balls! Now your scrotum forms a vulva like Mommy's." (Side note- I don't know how but , to this day, I have a VIVID memory of what my Mother's vulva looks like. Now that's weird because she wore the HUGE bush of the times. I shiver to think HOW I know what it looked like. EESSH! Back to the story) She would tape my ball up and dress me in the girl's clothing. "Now I have my baby girl!"
At first we would stay in the house and do tea parties and other activities. One day she decided it was time to make my public debut. We got in the car and off to the market we went. She went to a store I didn't recognize (to avoid discovery I later figured out). We always got wonderful compliments about the" pretty little girl" and Mom just ate it up. Then one day we ran into a neighbor and blew my cover. After that we only "played dress up" in the house. It stopped when I was around 7 and she started to date again. (Another side note- during this time we would occasionally go out of state to go back to where my Mom was born. She was one of 9 k**s. The youngest brother, Uncle S, used to love to take me out for rides in his car. He was my favorite uncle because he was fun. I would stand in his lap and "steer" the car as off we drove out of sight of the house. We would stop a little further away so he could lower his pants and mine. He would then have me "ride the pony" where I bounced up and down on his crotch. No penetration or touching. but he always seemed to enjoy it. Damn! Is it any wonder I feel like I do today? lol)
My mother always wanted a girl and a boy and blamed me for not being able to have a daughter. She claimed that my birth forced her to have a hysterectomy. This was one of the first memories I had. Later in life I found out that the story was BS. She had gotten in a car accident and the steering wheel had caused the operation. Back on track- the second memory I have is of my Mom, after some gin or wine and a few little blue or yellow pills, would go to her closet and get down a box that held a little dress and frilly panties with shoes and a hat to match! My hair was longish and I was a "pretty" baby/c***d so the transformation was an easy one. As she began getting me ready to be a girl she told me this story that fucked my brain up. " All men are shit, honey. Worst of them is your Father. That's why I tell you not to act like him. You can't be a girl but , if you do what I say and be good, when puberty comes you can be something wonderful! Not as wonderful as a girl or woman but close.. When you hit puberty you will grow breasts like a girl and your testicles will return up into your body and your scrotum will for a vagina right behind that evil penis. You will be the best parts of your parents and very special. But you must be good and do exactly as Mother says or you will just become a regular boy and then an evil man like your father." And, of course, I believed her! Why would she lie? After the story she would strip me naked and take her index finger and push my penis into my body and tape it. "This is what it would be like to have a vagina." She would then push my testicles up into my abdomen saying "You don't need those evil balls! Now your scrotum forms a vulva like Mommy's." (Side note- I don't know how but , to this day, I have a VIVID memory of what my Mother's vulva looks like. Now that's weird because she wore the HUGE bush of the times. I shiver to think HOW I know what it looked like. EESSH! Back to the story) She would tape my ball up and dress me in the girl's clothing. "Now I have my baby girl!"
At first we would stay in the house and do tea parties and other activities. One day she decided it was time to make my public debut. We got in the car and off to the market we went. She went to a store I didn't recognize (to avoid discovery I later figured out). We always got wonderful compliments about the" pretty little girl" and Mom just ate it up. Then one day we ran into a neighbor and blew my cover. After that we only "played dress up" in the house. It stopped when I was around 7 and she started to date again. (Another side note- during this time we would occasionally go out of state to go back to where my Mom was born. She was one of 9 k**s. The youngest brother, Uncle S, used to love to take me out for rides in his car. He was my favorite uncle because he was fun. I would stand in his lap and "steer" the car as off we drove out of sight of the house. We would stop a little further away so he could lower his pants and mine. He would then have me "ride the pony" where I bounced up and down on his crotch. No penetration or touching. but he always seemed to enjoy it. Damn! Is it any wonder I feel like I do today? lol)
3 years ago