19 Tips for the Best Sex Ever
Has your sex life gone stale? Between k**s, work, the economy and other pressures, steamy sex may seem like a fantasy. (Although thereâs a place for that too!) Are you ready to turn up the heat again? These tips will help get you in the mood, both physically and mentally...
Sweaty bodies, tangled sheets, moaning⌠It sounds X-rated, but it could be real life.
Read on for the top 19 tips and other things you need to know to have the best sex ever, even if youâve already got a great sex life (thereâs always room for improvement, right?).
1. Know That Youâre Entitled to Fabulous Sex
So what if you havenât lost the baby weight, certain body parts arenât as high as they used to be or you have a pimple the size of a volcano. It doesnât matter.
âWhen youâre in bed and making love, your partnerâs not worried about any little imperfections a woman might have,â says Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., author of Pleasure: A Womanâs Guide to Getting the Sex You Want, Need and Deserve (Perigee).
Besides, his body probably isnât perfect either. Do most guys let a large belly or back hair get in the way of a good time? Well, follow his lead.
2. Make a Date
Scheduling sex might sound too controlling to be much fun, but sometimes planning is in order. You book time in your calendar to work out and run errands â why not do the same to prioritize sex?
âThis is important, so you have to make room for it and push it forward,â Dr. Hutcherson says.
Reconnecting with your partner as a lover â not roommates or parents â reminds you why you were attracted to him in the first place. And once youâve made a sex appointment, the anticipation can be almost as titillating as the event. So kick it up a notch by trading racy texts or leaving a sultry voicemail on his cell.
3. Forget About âNormalâ
Surveys show that American women have a wide variety of sex:
17% have tried bondage
20% have used a blindfold
30% have had anal sex
62% masturbate (usually three to four times a week)
40% use vibrators
14% look at online porn
70% need clitoral stimulation to slide into home plate
18% opt for oral sex
Your quirks and predilections arenât so strange, so quit worrying and enjoy.
4. Leave the Porn Positions to the Pros
Unless Jenna Jameson is your alter ego, your guy probably doesnât expect you to do the Reverse Cowgirl with a Half-Gainer in the bedroom.
âThere are a lot of ridiculous standards out there about how women should be or look or act,â says Michele Sugg, a certified sex ther****t in Branford, Conn. âLet all that go. Reality is, men are turned on by you.â
Your partner will be aroused by seeing you turned on too.
5. Lube Up
The right lubricant can make so-so sex great. There are several types of lube to try, including water- and silicone-based, so experiment to see what works best for you.
As a general rule, avoid anything that warms, cools or tastes like a fruit roll-up; these can irritate the skin, says Ellen Barnard, sex educator/counselor and co-owner of A Womanâs Touch in Madison, Wis.
6. Get Squeaky CleanUse mouthwash and baby wipes. Keeping everything fresh is just good manners, right?
7. Go Fish
Fish oil reduces inflammation, blood pressure and dangerous LDL cholesterol. But guess what? It also helps open up those very small blood vessels down there.
Plus, fish oil boosts the testosterone in your body (yes, women have this hormone, too), so âyou notice your arousal more quickly,â Barnard explains.
You can get a hefty dose of fish oil by eating salmon, mackerel, lake trout, sardines or herring twice a week, but it may be easier to take supplements.
8. Trade Pain for Pleasure
Sex should feel amazing. If itâs painful, you need to figure out why. It may be a simple matter of changing positions or adding lubricant.
But it could also be a yeast infection, an undiagnosed STD, endometriosis, painful bladder syndrome, vulvodynia or even cancer. Donât try to diagnose it on your own; see your gynecologist. And check out â5 Sex Problems Women Face.â
If youâre still hurting and nothing is medically wrong, consider talking with a certified sex ther****t. (You can find one through www.aasect.org.)
âThere can be emotional reasons for painful sex, particularly for women whoâve been raised in religious households or whoâve been sexually abused or ****d,â Sugg says.
9. Medication Can Hurt Your Libido
Some medications can blunt your sex drive, including antidepressants, blood pressure medications, even birth control pills.
If you havenât been feeling as frisky as youâd like, talk to your doctor about whether your prescription might be putting the chill on your libido. You might be able to take a lower dose or switch to a different d**g.
10. Get to Know Yourself
Forget what you see in movies: Only about 30% of women reach orgasm through penetration alone. That means a whopping 70% of us need hands-on help to cross the finish line.
âItâs not all up to your partner,â Sugg says. âShare the responsibility and take on pieces of your own sexual pleasure.â
Touch yourself to bump up the heat, so you can have more â and better â orgasms, she says.
11. Give Him Direction
He may not want you telling him how to drive, but heâll appreciate direction about what pleases you.
Just donât be bossy about it (unless heâs into that, of course). A simple âIt drives me wild when you [fill in the blank]â can work wonders.
If heâs still not getting it, take him by the hand and lead him down the path of your pleasure. Show him specifically where and how (lightly/firmly, slowly/quickly) you like to be touched.
The reward? A bone-shivering orgasm.
12. Cultivate a Rich Fantasy Life
Youâve heard it before: The most important sex organ is the brain. So stock it with sexy images to get your motor revved.
âItâs one more tool to bring to your play,â Barnard says. âThereâs plenty of tasteful stuff out there, so you donât have to expose yourself to something thatâs going to offend you.â
Catch a couple of late-night movies on cable, or peruse erotica at bookstores.
Still missing that spark? Create your own porn by describing a favorite fantasy in a diary or post it anonymously on a blog. Other peopleâs comments may help fuel new scenarios you and your partner can use.
13. Create a Sexy Space
You want your bedroom to feel like a place for good lovinâ, not an office or nursery school.
Remodeling isnât required. Simply clear out the k** toys, put away the work stuff and add small touches like candles or flowers.
14. Get Some Comic Relief
Another thing that happens only in movies: sex without gaffes. In real life, somethingâs bound to go wrong â one of you farts, you pull a muscle, the dog jumps on you, you fall off the bed.
The only thing you can do â after checking for broken bones â is to laugh and roll with it. Nothing kills the mood like the pressure to have âperfect sex.â
15. Find Birth Control That Works for You
Itâs impossible to let yourself go if youâre worried about getting pregnant. Which is why the best birth control is the one youâll use without fail.
Fortunately, if you do slip up, thereâs Plan B, an emergency contraception pill that you can use up to 5 days after sex. Itâs available without a prescription for women 17 years and older.
âPlan B is a backup for the condom that breaks or the diaphragm thatâs 20 miles away,â says Bruce Rosenzweig, M.D., director of urogynecology at Rush University Medical Center, in Chicago. âItâs not recommended as a primary form of contraception.â
16. Get a Handle on Vascular Conditions
Some health problems affect your sex life. For example, heart disease, arthritis, hypertension and diabetes âcan profoundly affect our sexual health and pleasure,â Barnard says.
Whatâs the connection? Blood flow.
âSexual arousal is completely dependent on the blood flow to the tiny blood vessels in our genitals, including the clitoris, which gets erect the same way a manâs penis does,â Barnard explains.
So anything that impedes the rush of blood to your nether regions can substantially curb your enthusiasm. See your doctor for help.
17. Catch Some Zzzâs
About 67% of women have trouble sleeping, according to the National Sleep Foundation. And, as many working women know, when youâre really tired, youâd simply rather snooze than get busy with your partner.
18. Get Fit Down There
Youâve probably heard it before, but there are good reasons why you should do your Kegels: âOrgasms are your pelvic floor spasming,â Barnard explains. So âif your pelvic floor muscles arenât very strong, youâre not going to feel much.â
So how do you do Kegels? Just squeeze the pelvic floor muscles (these are the ones that control urination) for several seconds and release and relax the muscles for several seconds.
Make it more fun by squeezing them in sync to music while youâre driving, recommends Lauri Romanzi, M.D., an urogynecologist at New York Presbyterian Hospital-Weill Cornell Medical Center. Do several sets of 20 to 30 reps per set daily, she says.
To make sure youâre Kegeling correctly, put a mirror between your legs and watch as you squeeze.
âThe perinea â the skin between the anus and vagina â should pull in, almost like someoneâs pulling that skin into your body,â Dr. Romanzi says.
19. Take a Pilates Class
Why Pilates and not another type of exercise?
âPilates works a lot of ancillary pelvic floor muscles, like the transverse, or higher, abdominal muscles,â Barnard says.
Working your transverse abdominals will strengthen your pelvic floor muscles too, similar to what Kegels accomplish.
Sweaty bodies, tangled sheets, moaning⌠It sounds X-rated, but it could be real life.
Read on for the top 19 tips and other things you need to know to have the best sex ever, even if youâve already got a great sex life (thereâs always room for improvement, right?).
1. Know That Youâre Entitled to Fabulous Sex
So what if you havenât lost the baby weight, certain body parts arenât as high as they used to be or you have a pimple the size of a volcano. It doesnât matter.
âWhen youâre in bed and making love, your partnerâs not worried about any little imperfections a woman might have,â says Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., author of Pleasure: A Womanâs Guide to Getting the Sex You Want, Need and Deserve (Perigee).
Besides, his body probably isnât perfect either. Do most guys let a large belly or back hair get in the way of a good time? Well, follow his lead.
2. Make a Date
Scheduling sex might sound too controlling to be much fun, but sometimes planning is in order. You book time in your calendar to work out and run errands â why not do the same to prioritize sex?
âThis is important, so you have to make room for it and push it forward,â Dr. Hutcherson says.
Reconnecting with your partner as a lover â not roommates or parents â reminds you why you were attracted to him in the first place. And once youâve made a sex appointment, the anticipation can be almost as titillating as the event. So kick it up a notch by trading racy texts or leaving a sultry voicemail on his cell.
3. Forget About âNormalâ
Surveys show that American women have a wide variety of sex:
17% have tried bondage
20% have used a blindfold
30% have had anal sex
62% masturbate (usually three to four times a week)
40% use vibrators
14% look at online porn
70% need clitoral stimulation to slide into home plate
18% opt for oral sex
Your quirks and predilections arenât so strange, so quit worrying and enjoy.
4. Leave the Porn Positions to the Pros
Unless Jenna Jameson is your alter ego, your guy probably doesnât expect you to do the Reverse Cowgirl with a Half-Gainer in the bedroom.
âThere are a lot of ridiculous standards out there about how women should be or look or act,â says Michele Sugg, a certified sex ther****t in Branford, Conn. âLet all that go. Reality is, men are turned on by you.â
Your partner will be aroused by seeing you turned on too.
5. Lube Up
The right lubricant can make so-so sex great. There are several types of lube to try, including water- and silicone-based, so experiment to see what works best for you.
As a general rule, avoid anything that warms, cools or tastes like a fruit roll-up; these can irritate the skin, says Ellen Barnard, sex educator/counselor and co-owner of A Womanâs Touch in Madison, Wis.
6. Get Squeaky CleanUse mouthwash and baby wipes. Keeping everything fresh is just good manners, right?
7. Go Fish
Fish oil reduces inflammation, blood pressure and dangerous LDL cholesterol. But guess what? It also helps open up those very small blood vessels down there.
Plus, fish oil boosts the testosterone in your body (yes, women have this hormone, too), so âyou notice your arousal more quickly,â Barnard explains.
You can get a hefty dose of fish oil by eating salmon, mackerel, lake trout, sardines or herring twice a week, but it may be easier to take supplements.
8. Trade Pain for Pleasure
Sex should feel amazing. If itâs painful, you need to figure out why. It may be a simple matter of changing positions or adding lubricant.
But it could also be a yeast infection, an undiagnosed STD, endometriosis, painful bladder syndrome, vulvodynia or even cancer. Donât try to diagnose it on your own; see your gynecologist. And check out â5 Sex Problems Women Face.â
If youâre still hurting and nothing is medically wrong, consider talking with a certified sex ther****t. (You can find one through www.aasect.org.)
âThere can be emotional reasons for painful sex, particularly for women whoâve been raised in religious households or whoâve been sexually abused or ****d,â Sugg says.
9. Medication Can Hurt Your Libido
Some medications can blunt your sex drive, including antidepressants, blood pressure medications, even birth control pills.
If you havenât been feeling as frisky as youâd like, talk to your doctor about whether your prescription might be putting the chill on your libido. You might be able to take a lower dose or switch to a different d**g.
10. Get to Know Yourself
Forget what you see in movies: Only about 30% of women reach orgasm through penetration alone. That means a whopping 70% of us need hands-on help to cross the finish line.
âItâs not all up to your partner,â Sugg says. âShare the responsibility and take on pieces of your own sexual pleasure.â
Touch yourself to bump up the heat, so you can have more â and better â orgasms, she says.
11. Give Him Direction
He may not want you telling him how to drive, but heâll appreciate direction about what pleases you.
Just donât be bossy about it (unless heâs into that, of course). A simple âIt drives me wild when you [fill in the blank]â can work wonders.
If heâs still not getting it, take him by the hand and lead him down the path of your pleasure. Show him specifically where and how (lightly/firmly, slowly/quickly) you like to be touched.
The reward? A bone-shivering orgasm.
12. Cultivate a Rich Fantasy Life
Youâve heard it before: The most important sex organ is the brain. So stock it with sexy images to get your motor revved.
âItâs one more tool to bring to your play,â Barnard says. âThereâs plenty of tasteful stuff out there, so you donât have to expose yourself to something thatâs going to offend you.â
Catch a couple of late-night movies on cable, or peruse erotica at bookstores.
Still missing that spark? Create your own porn by describing a favorite fantasy in a diary or post it anonymously on a blog. Other peopleâs comments may help fuel new scenarios you and your partner can use.
13. Create a Sexy Space
You want your bedroom to feel like a place for good lovinâ, not an office or nursery school.
Remodeling isnât required. Simply clear out the k** toys, put away the work stuff and add small touches like candles or flowers.
14. Get Some Comic Relief
Another thing that happens only in movies: sex without gaffes. In real life, somethingâs bound to go wrong â one of you farts, you pull a muscle, the dog jumps on you, you fall off the bed.
The only thing you can do â after checking for broken bones â is to laugh and roll with it. Nothing kills the mood like the pressure to have âperfect sex.â
15. Find Birth Control That Works for You
Itâs impossible to let yourself go if youâre worried about getting pregnant. Which is why the best birth control is the one youâll use without fail.
Fortunately, if you do slip up, thereâs Plan B, an emergency contraception pill that you can use up to 5 days after sex. Itâs available without a prescription for women 17 years and older.
âPlan B is a backup for the condom that breaks or the diaphragm thatâs 20 miles away,â says Bruce Rosenzweig, M.D., director of urogynecology at Rush University Medical Center, in Chicago. âItâs not recommended as a primary form of contraception.â
16. Get a Handle on Vascular Conditions
Some health problems affect your sex life. For example, heart disease, arthritis, hypertension and diabetes âcan profoundly affect our sexual health and pleasure,â Barnard says.
Whatâs the connection? Blood flow.
âSexual arousal is completely dependent on the blood flow to the tiny blood vessels in our genitals, including the clitoris, which gets erect the same way a manâs penis does,â Barnard explains.
So anything that impedes the rush of blood to your nether regions can substantially curb your enthusiasm. See your doctor for help.
17. Catch Some Zzzâs
About 67% of women have trouble sleeping, according to the National Sleep Foundation. And, as many working women know, when youâre really tired, youâd simply rather snooze than get busy with your partner.
18. Get Fit Down There
Youâve probably heard it before, but there are good reasons why you should do your Kegels: âOrgasms are your pelvic floor spasming,â Barnard explains. So âif your pelvic floor muscles arenât very strong, youâre not going to feel much.â
So how do you do Kegels? Just squeeze the pelvic floor muscles (these are the ones that control urination) for several seconds and release and relax the muscles for several seconds.
Make it more fun by squeezing them in sync to music while youâre driving, recommends Lauri Romanzi, M.D., an urogynecologist at New York Presbyterian Hospital-Weill Cornell Medical Center. Do several sets of 20 to 30 reps per set daily, she says.
To make sure youâre Kegeling correctly, put a mirror between your legs and watch as you squeeze.
âThe perinea â the skin between the anus and vagina â should pull in, almost like someoneâs pulling that skin into your body,â Dr. Romanzi says.
19. Take a Pilates Class
Why Pilates and not another type of exercise?
âPilates works a lot of ancillary pelvic floor muscles, like the transverse, or higher, abdominal muscles,â Barnard says.
Working your transverse abdominals will strengthen your pelvic floor muscles too, similar to what Kegels accomplish.
4 years ago