Mike's Blog 20: About Cowards and Orgasms

Hey folks!
So I made it to 20... slowly and steadily. Although, given the pace lately, I'm playing a little fast and loose with the word steadily. But all the more solid with slowly. Sorry about that, I've been having trouble deciding on topics. Like I've said in #19, most of the “basic” stuff is taken care of and it's getting increasingly difficult to pick topics that would interest more than just a handful of readers. But I wouldn't be myself if I didn't have a very practical approach to that problem. I'll stop caring.
I'm not saying that this is my last blog. I'm hoping to keep this running for a long time. But, I'll stop obsessing about the topics. That means that if something comes to mind worth writing about, I'll do it. It's also up to you. I'm always open for suggestions, so if you want to know about something BDSM related and don't want to read those annoyingly long and, when it comes to Bondage & co. surprisingly inaccurate, Wikipedia entries, leave a message. I'll either answer it on the spot or, if it has any hope to appeal to a bigger crowd, write a blog about it.
And remember, there is no such thing as a stupid question.

So... what to do with #20? I wanted to write another story from the time before I met Melissa, but, upon further evaluation, I came to the conclusion that there aren't any more interesting stories to be told. So instead, I thought it might be time to do another rant. Yet, that alone would be a little weak. So I'll add two of the more obscure topics that have been pitched to me.


To get it started, I'm going to focus on a very special kind of Sub. For lack of a better word, let's call this type the cowardly lion.

Imagine yourself talking to a new sub. She seems to be extremely excited about every idea you mention and is eager to try almost anything. You go over the rules, agree on a safeword and take things to the bedroom. She undresses and lies down. Then you walk up to her and-
“Safeword!”
Congratulations! You have met a cowardly lion! And... now what?
Well, truth be told, if you don't have something long-term in mind, cut her loose. She's like a k** who sees a roller coaster, wants nothing more in the whole world than to ride it and once it's her term to sit down, she panics. She can be incredible fun to play with, but also she needs a lot of patience. It takes her long to develop any real trust and even longer to give up control. So take her by the hand and slowly show her everything. If you take the time she needs and get her comfortable with everything, the rewards are plenty. But unless you want to invest this kind of time and care, don't get involved. If, however, You have the patience and care about her enough, she can make it worthwhile.


Next, this is something I've been asked about a few times, and it would make a good stand-alone blog, but it's just not enough to fill the pages. Orgasm control.

I'm certain you've seen this in some videos before. The conversation goes something like this

“Can I cum?”
“No, not yet.”

And she doesn't. While that is nothing but a simple exercise in willpower, there is also another stage you can achieve. But, let's tackle one thing at a time. Especially because most of you are probably completely fine with your sub just suppressing the Orgasm. But even that takes patience and training. So like always, let's take it one step at a time.

1) the Basics

Let's start with the fact that everyone is able to do it. But not everyone should. There are basically two exceptions to this. First, those who already have serious trouble achieving orgasm. For them, it takes an incredible amount of physical and mental concentration to do it. Dragging it out even further has nothing to do with surrendering control, earning an award or giving in to the doms needs, but with simple cruelty. Second, there is the exact opposite, women who cum way too easy. You may have noticed that this one is gender based while the other isn't. I don't think I need to comment on the problems that go along with premature ejaculation. So prolonging it, no matter how, is a desired outcome. But why are women different? Well, they're not. Not really anyways. But when a man is done, he's done. And it takes a while to get things going again. With a woman it's different. The ability to orgasm really easy equals the ability to orgasm a lot. Is that really something you want to take away from her? Or rather, is it something she wants to have taken away? In the end, it's really up to her. But, you know, think twice.


2) Doing it

You could say that you can just start by making your sub ask you for permission, and in a nutshell you're right. But: Just because you deny it, doesn't mean your sub will be able to hold on. Instead, you can make it a lot easier with proper training. What the dom has to do is pretty easy. Every time permission is asked, you grant it. You do that for at least a few weeks before denying it for the first time.
The sub has a little more work to do: Masturbate. Like nuts. Preferably 2-3 times per day. And every time before cumming, try to hold on. Focus on different things. Try to draw it out a little longer every time. But only during masturbation. Don't do this during a session.,until you're actually denied permission to orgasm. As time passes, you'll get better at this.


And on to the previous mentioned other stage. But before I start, I need to warn you. What I'm about to share is not just something as simple as strengthening your willpower or teaching yourself tricks on how to hold on longer, but giving away your ability to orgasm. Meaning you won't just be holding on, you physically won't be able to achieve orgasm until you're allowed. But enough preaching.


3) Forming the dependency

This takes a whole different kind of training. First and foremost, think about this. And I mean really think about this. Unless the both of you are 100% sure, don't do this. Really. Stop reading right now.
So now that you're back, here's how this works. Instead of asking for permission, the sub tells the dom when he/she is about to Orgasm. And the dom, instead of granting permission, tells the sub to cum for him/her. This is important! The sub doesn't just cum, he/she cums FOR YOU. Every time. And you do this for weeks and months. This is long term training. Also, masturbation is over. If the sub masturbates, the training is ruined. Understand this: If done correctly, you are taking the ability to orgasm away from your sub. You're conditioning him/her to only respond to your command. Once this is successful, even masturbation won't work anymore. And this is not just some wild theory, I've seen this done a few times. As time goes on, the dependency will deepen and your command will begin to work at almost any given time and out of nowhere. Restaurants, the bus, on your couch while watching a movie... the possibilities are almost endless. Just repeatedly tell him/her to cum and it will happen. No physical contact required.
Of course, it also works the other way around. This opens the door to a whole new world of punishments. Imagine being stuck at the very edge of an orgasm without any chance of relief, while being subjected to constant stimulation. Edging gets a whole new meaning with this involved.

This also carries a lot of responsibility. Let's say your relationship crashes after a few months or, even worse, years. Your sub will still be conditioned to react to that command. And it's not just any command, but yours. It's your voice, your person/presence he/she reacts to. This is a serious commitment. So don't take it lightly.

Wow... this turned out to be a lot longer than I thought. So I'll skip the rant for now, but it'll follow. Who knows, perhaps around Christmas with the other uploads. Until then

Have fun!

Mike